{real}

I didn't quite imagine that the whole 'real' world experience would feel like this. What does it feel like you ask? Well, kind of surreal in a way. I've been waiting for this moment for what seems like forever and here it is. I'm a working gal, getting paid, doing my thing, and the days just continue to go on. I think because it has always been for SO long, that there was always another class to take or always another paper to write that I would never make it to the finish line and now that I have I'm kind of in disbelief. It's like, what do I do now? Really start living?!

I remember just wondering what it would be like to be able to go to work during the day and then come home and leave work at work and have just family time at home. No looming deadlines for school. No tests to study for. No papers to write. No labs to finish. It is here, finally here, and I think I'm in love. Being able to come home without that extra pressure on my shoulders is just liberating. I am finally fully able to just do family time. And then I sit and wonder, what should we do with all of this free time. No more does mommy have to say, 'Just give me five minutes while I finish writing this paragraph or finish studying for this test.'

Jay and I may have started our family out a a very young age and there were even times where I wondered if we would ever fully make it. Yes, behind the facade of my wonderfully smiling face the majority of the time, there were times where I often wondered if we would ever make it to the finish line and be able to start the next phase of the race.

And folks, we have.

We both have great jobs that pay well. We both love our jobs. We are happy, in love, have a wonderful son, are getting married, and live close to our amazing families. Sometimes I feel like our lives are just beginning. And in a way they are, just a new phase in our lives.

I know some couples think that their lives together are just beginning when they get married. A new life together. The start of something great. For Jay and I, I don't see our wedding like that. Because we have been together for almost ten years now, the wedding is more of just a celebration for us than anything. Yes, it officially binds us together, but really, if ten years of putting up with me hasn't driven him away, then I don't know what will, haha!

We've checked off quite a few big items on the list already in the course of the last year and I can't wait to check off a few more. We've moved, Jay got a great job, I graduated and subsequently got a great job as well, and everyone is still happy and healthy! Next up... wedding, and then BABY! That is the other thing that I'm kind of still in disbelief about. As previously mentioned, I've been waiting for so long to graduate that I feel like we kind of put our life in hold for a while, waiting to get married and waiting to have more kids. And now that most of the 'pre-requisites' in our books have been covered, we can continue on in our journey and finally do what we've been waiting for so long to do. I still don't know if I've completely wrapped my head around the fact that soon there will be a time where we can try for another baby and people won't judge us for it because we are considered the norm. Not that I'm all gung ho for wanting to be considered the norm, it's just that I feel we are finally at a place in our lives where not only is it possible for us, but we won't get the pity glances or hushed voices in our direction.

The only other big thing on the list to the 'perfect' life is buying a house. And puh-lease, I live in a rented house right now and it's pretty damn close to owning. It's a house, lol! And yes, I know, there is no such thing as perfect, note the quotation marks. I don't even want the perfect life. We will own a house at some point, know that, just not this year, or maybe not even next year. I'm not so much in a hurry for that one. The house we live in now, although no perfect, suits us just fine. Good location, good size, good landlords, good neighbors, good street, you know, it fits us. Even has a third bedroom (which occupies our office right now), but that could easily be turned into a nursery! We'd make it work, we would!

Hehe, I'm not ready for another baby, not at all! Haha!

CIAO! LOVE ME!

{one year later… and some other junk}

One year ago this weekend we officially moved our family from Stevens Point back to Chilton. We packed up the rest of our stuff on that Friday afternoon night and spent our first official night together as a family in our new dwelling. The day after Memorial Day I started my very first day at my externship… and so it is only fitting that the day after Memorial Day this year, I will be starting my very first day as a paid employee! It’s actually bittersweet in a way! Very exciting as well! I cannot wait!

And since I haven’t posted any pictures from graduation on my blog yet, I thought it only fitting to include some of those as well in this post. But before we visit graduation, I thought we’d take a trip down memory lane back to when I got accepted into grad school! This was in February 2009 and it was one of the most exciting days in my life (you know, because I have a lot of those)! Why yes, yes I was excited to get into grad school! And wouldn’t you know, four years later, I still have that scarf and still wear it! I’m a scarf lover, sue me! Haha!

And now on to graduation pictures! The first one is of me and my classmate, Katie! God that girl made the last four years bearable! Couldn’t have made it through without her!

And then there is my wonderful dad and my mom! They are great and have supported me unconditionally through it ALL!And where would I be without the two loves of my life! My soon to be hubby and our eat him up son! Someone please tell that little man to STOP GROWING UP!

And my peanut of a younger sister, Alexis!

So, graduation pretty much rocked. You already know that. On to the festivities that were this weekend, which honestly included a lot of nothing! It was the first weekend in a long time where we had no set plans going on and it was actually kind of nice. Lots of relaxing and just enjoying some nothingness, well that and reading a good book!

On Friday I had my dad drop the kids off at our house since I only had to work a half day. After school, we headed to the track to get our run on. Ayden and I are currently working our way through Week 3 of the C25K program… tomorrow we start Week 4. We ran and Alexis walked with us during the walking parts. After the workout, we all walked to the movie theater in town and enjoyed the movie Epic. It was cute. Nothing outstanding though. And then while relaxing after the movie, I got a text from my neighbor and friend, Sarah, wanting to know if I was game for a quick bike ride! Well.. OF COURSE! You don’t need to ask me twice! What I thought would be an easy 5-7 mile ride turned into an awesome 10 miler! We just kept going and going! Honestly, I’m kind of OCD about it, so when we hit around 8.3ish miles and were close to home, we kind of decided that we should make it an even 10. Well, okay, so I decided. I was like, well why not, we were so close to it anyways, what was another mile or two?!

Yes, after a ten mile bike ride we were still smiling! I had a great time chatting it up with Sarah! She is freaking hilarious and I LOVE IT! But on the flip side, she is also so down to earth and easy to talk to! I see many a rides with her in the future! AND… now that I know Victoria has gotten her bike out and has been cruising around, I have one other person to recruit as well!Saturday was lazy and Ayden and I went for a decent walk at a local nature center. We are so blessed to have that near us and that it is free! I just needed to get out of the house and drug him with me. He was reluctant at first, but we had a good time. We were only gone for maybe an hour!

Yesterday… I was lazy throughout the day and knew that my mood was headed in the wrong direction because I wasn’t being active, so in the afternoon, I laced up my running shoes and headed out for a run. It was my first longer planned run since my half over a month ago and it was good! I just went to the track and pounded out some miles. I ran for a mile, walked for a quarter, ran a mile, walked a quarter, and then ran another. I finished 3.5 miles in 34 min 52 seconds. That is an average of a 10 min mile that INCLUDES the half mile I walked! I definitely felt myself pushing to get it done and prove to myself that I could still do it. I know that I couldn’t go out right now and run five miles straight. My endurances is WAY down, but I am content in still rehabbing the knee and taking it slow with Ayden. I set out to run a half marathon and I did. I will probably run another one at some point, but my next goals are to run a 5k straight with Ayden and kill the Tough Mudder! And this morning, Victoria and I headed out to a different County Park and got our hike on for about an hour! We found some awesome caves, rocked out some bright colored clothes (gosh, I love that we think SO alike and love wearing anything that includes bright obnoxious colors!) and had a great time! We are definitely going to be going back and taking the boys the next time! A must! It was great! I even got adventurous and was climbing down into some of the caves! It was just what I needed today! And pretty soon Ayden and I will be heading out for our run today!

CIAO! LOVE ME!

{the doctor will see you now}

Graduation has come and gone! I'd love to sit hear and write about how completely amazingly awesome it was, but in all honesty it was kind of anti-climatic. There were definitely parts of it that were pretty awesome (getting hooded) and there were definitely parts of it that weren't super awesome (sitting in a hot stuffy gym).

Before I delve into the events of graduation, I need to extend some extra special thank yous to everyone who's supported me these last endless years! My family has stood by my side throughout it all... they have been amazing! Jay's family has become my family and they were all equally as awesome! My friends, my old bosses and co-workers in Point, my professors, my classmates, my supervisors, and my current boss and co-workers have been amazing! I am surrounded by the most amazing people! I love it and them! I could definitely not have made it this far without the support of each and everyone of them!

The morning of graduation, little man had a soccer game and he played his little heart out! He was on defense for most of the game and he brought it! He is turning into quite the little soccer star!

After soccer we loaded up and it was off to Stevens Point for graduation. We got just outside of Appleton and I was already sick of driving and we had an hour drive ahead of us yet. Gosh, I don't miss that drive. On the way there I wondered how we ever did that drive for seven years, haha! Yes, I do have a 45 minute drive to work every morning, but honestly, that is nothing compared an hour and a half! We made it with plenty of time to spare and I went to get my cap, gown, and hood... of which cost me $50 to rent for just two hours. Pooey on that! Afterwards, I met up with my classmate, Katie, we took a few pictures and then sent our families in to get seats while we headed to where we needed to line up. I have to admit, being the very first people to walk in, the only two getting hooded with Doctorate degrees... it all was pretty special to me!

Even though the ceremony itself seemed to take a long time, before we knew it, we were done and out the door and headed back home. I was kind of sad to get back to Point and then have to leave so quickly afterwards. It was home to use for such a long time that I still find myself missing it every now and then. I've been over it and over it how much we love living back closer to our family, but you can't just take the Point out of someone who lived there for so long. It totally grew on me... and apparently Ayden too because even at graduation he asked if we would ever move back there. I would in a heart beat buddy, but I don't think that your daddy would, haha!

My family treated us to supper at this delicious Italian restaurant and then we headed to Jay's aunt's house for a little birthday party for Jay's cousin... of whom I totally adore!

The rest of the weekend was pretty laid back. I started and finished a good book. The kind where you don't want to start another one after you are finished because you are too wrapped up in the characters of the first book. I hadn't read any books all winter, so it was definitely nice to sit outside in the sun for a little while, catch some rays, and lose myself in the world of someone else. Gotten myself back into a reading kick. I usually wax and wane with my reading... reading about five or six books, then stopping for a few months, then getting back into it. I love to read! Just love it!

Ayden and I have made it to Week 3 of our C25K training plan and we are still going strong! Last night we had a segment where we had to run for three minutes straight (which for us and running at Ayden's speed equates to about one time around the track) and we did it... twice! I am beginning to really look forward to that time with Ayden because it is just us, no distractions. It so cute on Monday when we ran... we were on a running segment and all of a sudden Ayden starts chanting something and I couldn't hear what it was a first and then I realized he was chanting to himself over and over that he could do it. He was saying 'I can do this, I can do this, I can do this!' It was the cutest thing ever! Melt this mama's heart, that is for sure! We'll see how next week goes when we are running five minute intervals.

I'm proud to say that I've been keeping up with my squat, plank, sit-up, and push-up challenge of the month. I'm up to 150 squats, 120 sit-ups, 45 push-ups, and 2 min 15 sec plank. Now, don't go thinking I'm superwoman because I don't do them all at once. I typically do about 10 of each and rotate through the three workouts... with some breaks and leave the plank until right before I crawl into bed. I'm not doing much for workouts other than my little bit of running with Ayden right now. I know my endurance has definitely suffered from taking a break, but that's okay. At this point in time I'm happy to just take things slow, as every now and then I still get some knee pain. Since I'll only be working three days a week starting next week, I'm definitely considering upping the ante on the workouts and adding some more cardio in there... possibly some Turbo Fire on the days that aren't conducive to being outside. Something additional, that's for sure! I'm also trying to be more conscious about what I'm putting in my body, albeit not always making the right choices... even so, it could definitely be worse and I know I'm trying. Darn that lovely almost hubby of my who was thinking of me at the grocery store last night when he knew I would enjoy a peanut square that neither of us has had in a long time! Oh... and it was nummy yummy goodness in my mouth!

Graduation pictures to come...

CIAO! LOVE ME!

{you talkin' about me}

I'm dedicating this post to someone who constantly is inspiring me in almost all areas of life... she has no idea that I am doing this, at least not until she gets to the part where I actually name her by name, hehe!

I have many friends and family surrounding me on a daily basis that are inspiring me to be a better person in many different areas. There are definitely times in my life, probably in yours too, where you just need to take a look around and draw off of someone else's energy to help pull you through a tough time.

The person that I am dedicating this post to is Sarah Kopf. Yes, Sarah, you! (Because I totally know that you are reading this right now. And, I totally started this post early this morning-and I'm finishing it now this afternoon-and I think we were reading each others minds because you just recently posted this as your status: I never want to go through life keeping silent about what people mean to me. I want them to know. Now. Because how great would the world be if we just knew exactly how everyone felt about us and vice versa? How eerily awesome that we were thinking the same thing?!) If I know you in real life, there is a good chance that you know Sarah too. If not, you should! She is amazeballs! Sarah happens to live in a bright blue house (so jealous of the color of her house), just a few down from my semi bright red house. Yes, our bright personalities deserve bright colored houses, lol!

Before I go off on how amazeballs Sarah actually is, I wanted to let you know that she also blogs and if you haven't happened upon it yet, you should. She is the amazing author of Thinfluenced at http://www.thinfluenced.com/. Quick, go check it out... and then come back! This girl makes me laugh (and then cry) with almost every post!

I haven't known Sarah for a long time. We connected shortly before I moved back to our home town and I couldn't have been more excited to find someone so close who was also so much into fitness as I was. We instantly bonded over that and haven't turned back yet!

Sarah's drive for just about everything in life amazes me! Her son, Cole, has battled cancer twice in his short life (and from Sarah's constant updates, he seems to be getting a little better each and every day), and I can't even begin to imagine what those years were like for Cole and his family. As a mother myself, I know the unconditional love that you have for your child and then to see them suffer with cancer... TWICE! And yet, somehow, someway, as a family, they pulled through it together and keep moving FORWARD day after day! Even just seeing that for the last year amazes me!

Anywhoo, Sarah and I got connected with our love of fitness, but we connect on so many other levels too! She is such a free spirit and I at least try to be, haha! As everyone in life has ups and downs, so does she, but whenever I see her, she is always making the best of a situation. She always has a smile on her face, can always spare a minute for someone, gives the greatest hugs, and damn, she will kick your butt on a 10 mile bike ride, lol!

This woman (and her husband) are accomplished century bike riders. Hell, I thought running a half marathon was a feat, these people freaking biked 100 miles in ONE DAY! How is that for amazing! Well, Sarah and Nate (her husband), invited a bunch of people on a 'leisurely' bike ride last night. Leisure my ass, haha! I, of course, went with them because I am up for any challenge and really, bike rides are awesome!

Unfortunately, unlike Sarah and Nate, I have a mountain bike (they have awesome road bikes) and so it was a little more of a workout for me than them. Heck, I don't even know if it was a workout for them at all going at my pace, lol! It was awesome though and I had a lot of fun! It was the workout that I didn't even know my body was craving until the end and I could feel the soreness setting in. But it was a good soreness, like a... damn, I worked my body good soreness! It was a lot of fun going with both of them and Jay's cousin, Nicole who joined us. She also rocked the bike ride!

There was one point during the ride where we were headed straight into the wind going up a freaking ginormous mountain (puh-leaz, tell me that Wisconsin doesn't have ginormous mountains and I will punch you, because damn I never thought I would make it up that hill) and I felt like quitting. Seriously. I never feel like quitting. Even when the tough gets tough as shit. I keep going. And so I did what I tell Ayden to do anytime he wants to quit. I gave myself a pep talk. I kept pushing my legs forward... at what seemed like a snails pace... and I somehow made it to the top of the hill! I kept seeing Sarah and Nicole up in front of me and knew I could do it. It also helped that Nate was an awesome partner and stayed back with me.

And then when Sarah told me that the rest of the ride was gravy, of course I gave her shit when we had one last hill to go up right by our houses. How come in any direction to our house we need to go up some kind of kill? Kill me now, haha!

Honestly though, I had a great ride and plan to go on many more with Sarah, Nate, Nicole, and anyone else who wants to join us! I may never be as fast or awesome as them, but what makes it worth it is knowing that even though they may be able to kick my booty on the bike is that not one of them ever flaunt it in my face. They willingly slow down for my pokey self and we all have a great time!

Loves ya Sarah! Don't ever become unamazeballs because I just might have to shank you! Tee-hee!

CIAO! LOVE ME!

{renewed drive}

I've struggled a lot since my 17k on St. Patty's Day with any drive to run. The majority of it stemmed from knee pain after the 17k. I had my half marathon that was coming up, but even between the 17k and the half marathon, I wasn't overly excited about running. Did I want to run the half marathon, of course... it was something that I had worked so hard for. As you all know well enough by now, I kicked that half marathon's ass.

After the half marathon though, my drive for anything fitness related really went down the shitter. Much of that still stemmed from a knee injury from which I'm STILL recovering from. On the bright side where the injury is related, the pain is minimal and it is not all of the time. So progress is being made. We are on the uphill side of things.

But recently my drive for running has been renewed and that has EVERYTHING to do with my favorite little man. Him deciding and wanting to run with his momma has given me something to work for. We've started the Couch to 5k program together and I know that running in intervals with him is going to help strength me. I know not running much in the last two weeks has done a lot for my endurance and I'd like to slowly build it back up again with a new running partner. At this point if I were to go out and try to run anything further than three miles I'd be pushing it. I'd love to say that I could, but I know my body and how I'm not as strong as I was even a month ago. But that is changing people, it is a changing. I think we all go through periods where we question ourselves and our abilities and our drive... mine is being renewed. And readers, my little man... he is doing great! I can't guarantee that as we continue to follow the program and we are running more than we are walking that he will still love it as much as I do, but I can pray that he wants to continue it with me. I want nothing more than to run an entire 5k with him in a few months and for us to kick booty!

It was as if after my half marathon I had nothing to strive for anymore. My goals were gone. Yes, I'm still doing a race every month to meet my goal of running something every month for a year, but what I have left are just 5ks and those didn't seem like a challenge for me. I don't need a challenge to feel fulfilled, but I wanted something that would help push me. My little man must have known, because doing it with him makes my heart swell! Plus that little bugger can really run so it pushes me too!

There is this huge hill that we have been ending our runs with by racing up. I have yet to beat the little man. He kicks my butt on the hill every time! Someday though I'll get him, haha! Mark my words!

So look forward to continued posts about how well we are doing on our way to our first ever fully runny mommy and son 5k! Can't wait!

CIAO! LOVE ME!

{saturday, sunday, monday, tuesday, wednesday}

Whew, glad that vent sesh is over. Yes, I keep a lot of pent up anger inside sometimes, it happens.
Back to our regularly scheduled programming.

The title of this blog post includes the days this week that I have been active... the days that I have been active with my little man! Saturday, as you know if you read my blog consistently, we ran/walked the Dream in Color 5k. Sunday, we hiked for probably 3-4 miles at a local state park. We traversed down a pretty steep hill on what probably wasn't an actual walking path and then had to go back up that same hill at a different location on what was an actual path, but was probably even more difficult than the one coming down.

Monday and Tuesday involved five mile bike rides on both days. Monday it was just the little man and I. He rocked it! It was awesome! He's gone farther before, but it has always been on paths that are pretty continuous where we haven't had to watch for traffic all that much. This was the first long bike ride around our town with only sidewalks and Ayden's bigger bike. Lots of slowing down and looking for cars, but overall it was a great ride. I was very proud of him! Almost no whining!

Tuesday, I had to pick up both Ayden and Alexis from school as my dad had a doctor's appointment. After I picked them up, we headed out for another bike ride. I knew Ayden could do five miles from the night before, but I wasn't sure about Alexis. I had a goal of at least three miles with the two of them. We headed out, took it slow and steady and by the 2.5 mile mark I decided we'd push for five. I was very proud of Alexis because she does not yet have a bike with gears so she really had to work hard on the hills and there were a few of them. She mentioned a few times that in the past she had to get off and walk her bike up the hills, but this time I kept telling her that we could do it on the bike as long as we kept telling ourselves that we could. And let me tell you, there was one hill at the 3.5 mile mark that was pretty steep even for me and Ayden and she made it up WITHOUT STOPPING OR WALKING THE BIKE UP! We did take a break at the top of the hill, but I was so proud of her. I know that she was ready to give up, but I stayed right with her and continued to tell her that she could do it and SHE DID! It was so great!

We may have had to take a few more breaks with the two of the kids, but we made it the five miles with little to no whining once again. WINNING! I was SO incredibly proud of the both of them! I forsee lots of bike rides with all three of us in the future!

And last night... last night was Week 1 Day 1 of mommy and son 5k training! Ayden and I headed out in the great weather and got our run/walk on to the tune of a zombie instructor! I had the greatest time with the little man! He was telling me stories left and right and I was beaming at how great he was doing! I LOVE that he wants to run with me and it gives me a reason to continue to run and yet slowly work my knee back into commission with him. Week 1 Day 1 of training was a big success and we ran/walked just under 2 miles in 30 minutes. Bring on Week 1 Day 2! I am SO excited to be doing this with my little man! Now only if we could con his father into joining us, hehe! Boo on him having a hardworking job that has him exhausted at the end of the day, haha! Just kidding. He loves his job and if he loves his job, I love it for him!

Goal for tonight is swimming. Will have to talk with Ayden to see if he wants to join me or not. That will kind of depend on when I go. I hope that we stay active together like this for months and years to come!
Oh I'm in just a great mood right now. Even the incoming colder crappier weather cannot put me down!

CIAO! LOVE ME!

{kinda stung}

I had an eye opening moment the other day at work. Totally unintentional, but aren't most. Earlier this week while at work I had plans to give everyone a thank you card from me for being so great over the last year. It just worked out that we were all in the same room together at one time (well waiting for one more person to join us) and I was just about ready to give out the cards. Before doing so, one of the ladies made motion to get up and leave and I told her to wait because I had wanted to share something with everyone, but we were waiting on one person.

(Fyi, there are only five of us in the office and all are women.) Before anyone began to assume anything, I quickly blurted out that I wasn't pregnant (you know, because people assume those kinds of announcements) and almost immediately one of my co-workers said something alone the lines of oh good, you wouldn't want to screw up what you have right now. And almost as quickly as she said it, she back pedalled and was like, I didn't mean that in a bad way, but with the wedding and everything. At the time I just brushed it off. She's going through some serious family stuff right now and I forgive her for saying it, but after thinking about it, I know at least some part of her meant it because otherwise she wouldn't have said it, and honestly, it kind of stung. I don't harbor any bad feelings for her because she's definitely a great person, inside and out. Everyone I work with is... they have become family to me!

Am I really still at THAT point where getting pregnant would be looked at as bad or wrong? I mean, I'm 26, almost 27. Jay is 27. He has a good full time paying job with benefits. I am graduating with my freaking DOCTORATE in less than two weeks. I have a good job just waiting for me until I get that diploma and we are freaking getting married in less than four months. Would getting or being pregnant right now really be THAT bad? (Don't get me wrong, I am NOT pregnant, nor are we actively trying TO GET pregnant, but if it were TO happen, would people still think we shouldn't have?- Sidenote, yes things may have been more difficult adding another baby to the family before graduating or getting married or getting a job, both Jay and I realized that, hence why we made the decision to not have any more children until those things were accomplished first.) I mean HELLO my cousin had four or five kids by the time she was 27 and I didn't see anyone saying those things about her. I'm pretty sure my mom was done (or almost done) have kids by 27 and I haven't even freaking gotten started! Shut up people, I know I have Ayden, but I want at least two more kids, maybe three, so no, I haven't gotten started.

I'm actually kind of pissed about it now that I think about it more. Jay and I have been together for over freaking nine and a half years (I don't think either of us are going anywhere anytime soon... we're far past that seven year itch, haha) and I have only had ONE family member... ONE FREAKING FAMILY MEMBER ask us (and it was just recently) if we are planning on having more kids. Fuck you for not asking! Yes, fuck you! Have I talked about my want for more children with family before (and many more people), yes, but no one ever is the first to ASK!!! Just because we are not married yet... just because we had Ayden when we were 18... just because I'm STILL in school (GETTING MY FUCKING DOCTORATE'S DEGREE... YES, GETTING MY DOCTORATES! Yes, I am getting up on my soap box about that now because I should be damn proud of myself instead of just brushing off everyone's congratulations like it's been no big deal), none of those previous things doesn't FUCKING mean we don't want more kids or that you can't ask. Like it's taboo or would be taboo if we were to have more kids before I got a 'real' job or we got married. I feel like we are still the freaking teenagers that got pregnant and screwed up their lives by having a baby. I SHOULDN'T have to feel that way. I feel that unless everything is all set and perfect and our lives are finally set 'in motion' that no one would rejoice with us if we were to announce tomorrow that Ayden would be becoming a big brother. I SHOULDN'T have to feel that way. Would that situation be ideal, no. I'd like to fit into my wedding dress thank you very much. But I do. And it hurts. I feel like having Ayden at 18 trumps everything else that we've accomplished in life, even if people don't see it that way anymore. Yes, Jay and I both graduated college and I'm getting my doctorate, and yes our family tells us how proud they are of us. But I still feel like that same 18 year old girl who had to tell her parents that she was pregnant.

Ayden is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Was life with him made more difficult in some situations, yes, but was everything I had to go through as a result of him all the more worth it, YES a million times over. Our paths in life are paved well before we are even born. Did God know to give me Ayden at the timing he did so that Ayden could help shape me into the person that I am today, I believe he did. He knew that both Jay and I would be able to handle it.

Has our family, both immediate and extended, been the most wonderful family that a girl could ever ask for... A MILLION TIMES OVER! Never wavering in their love or commitment for us. Do they wish that Jay and I didn't have to become parents so young and to have that kind of extra burden at that time, yes. Would they change it now, I'm hoping not. Do I have hopes that Ayden will not follow in our footsteps of young parenthood, of course. It's natural.

I've always been an against the grain kind of girl. I am SICK of the typical sterotypes the world has. I HATE that the norm is to get married and then have kids. I hate that it's expected. Whatever. Piss on that. I can be just as committed to Jay without a marriage license. I HAVE been for the last nine and a half years. Get a job and then have kids. Hate that to, haha! But of course kids come with expenses and those expenses typically need to be paid with some kind of income and unfortunately I don't millions just lying around, so I kind of need that one. I hate that AFTER the wedding we will be getting the when are you having more kids, are you having more kids, etc... questions. I already have ONE kid, why couldn't you have asked before? Screw what is SUPPOSED to happen. Whatever. I'm over it. Things won't change.

Not going to lie though, it just kind of hurts that I feel like I'll forever be that girl who got pregnant in high school and not the one that has overcomed so much and accomplished so much. And it's probably more my perception than anyone elses, my thinking that needs to change. I think I continue to just find things that challenge me that I can prove to myself I can overcome to get rid of the persona that I'm holding onto. I am no longer that girl in high school (who by the way graduated with honors, so yeah, I've always been on top of my game), I have accomplished SO much since then. I just don't let myself revel in anything that I've accomplished. I finish one thing and find the next to over take.

Go to college, pick the degree that requires the most schooling. Got that. Okay. Go back and get your doctorate. Take up running. Finish a 5k. Awesome. Now a half marathon. You ran a half marathon. Awesome. Okay. What about a full marathon. Plan your whole DIY wedding by yourself. Do lots of DIY crafts that add on extra stress. Work full time, take care of said child, hold together a relationship, and go to school... all without even getting paid. Easy peasy! What's next?!

This 'real' life stuff is going to be a piece of cake! Please, work all day and then NO homework at night. I can TOTALLY do that one! LMAO!

(Vent over... regular scheduled blogging shall return shortly.)

CIAO! LOVE ME!

{maximize your life}

(written Monday)

Last night Victoria and I trekked to Milwaukee and back to see Jillian Michaels. We got to see Jillian Michales... IN PERSON! Dude, I have a serious girl crush on her and the entire time that we were there watching her speak I just wanted to go up to her and pinch her to make sure she was real, haha! We had pretty decent seats and her presentation went over great!

We had a minor roadblock in getting to the actual theater. We both live in a small town about an hour and a half away from Milwaukee and neither of us really wanted to drive to get there, but I decided that I would. The directions didn't seem too hard to follow, my GPS was working, and Victoria promised to be a good co-pilot. Plus, we were leaving around 5pm on a Sunday so I wasn't expecting the traffic to be too bad.
The drive down was easy peasy and we even managed to get through the super highway criss cross thingy that I swore I would never drive on just fine. We got down towards the theater and it became a little busier. I may or may not have knowingly gone straight in a turn only lane, lol! Don't worry, I was checking to make sure no one was coming that I would hit or whatever. We were fine. We found the theater that we had assumed it was at, drove past that, found a parking ramp, grabbed a ticket, and then headed off to the theater... only to find out we were at the wrong one! LMAO! Totally my fault! Thankfully the one we needed to be at was only another block away and we still had plenty of time get there.

We found the correct theater (and were happy to know that we weren't the only ones who messed up and went to the wrong one first), got our tickets from the will call ticket booth and found our seats. Then it was full on Jillian time. I think the best part about screwing up the first time was that we didn't have to wait long before Jillian came on. Two great surprises at the beginning of the show... her little daughter came running out on the stage... AND... Dani from this past season of the Biggest Loser was also there! I cheered for Dani the whole time! It was totally cool!

So, the presentation started and Jillian is just SO real! She doesn't hold back, she cusses, she wore freaking flip flops, and we had tons of laughs throughout! I think the best part was seeing that she is exactly the same person I had pictured her to be after seeing her on TV and during her workout videos. It was so great and I'm so glad that I could share in the experience with my bestie! I think she enjoyed it as much as I did, at least I hope she did! I would have loved to have had VIP passes to see the meet and greet and the questions her and Dani were going to answer afterwards, but we didn't. It was about a three hour long engagement and it was totally worth the money. And actually tickets weren't that expensive and we had good seats!

We maneuvered out of Milwaukee just fine. Thankfully by 10:30pm the roads are pretty empty and our drive home was fine. We got home around midnight and I was up bright and early this morning. Tired does not begin to explain how I feel this morning, haha! Actually, I downed some Spark bright and early and I felt pretty good throughout the majority of the day. I drank lots and lots of water. I needed to make up for my lackage of water drinking yesterday. I did pretty good on Sunday with at least 80 ounces, although I'm shooting for about 100 ounces per day these days. Funny thought, I had a Mt. Dew yesterday afternoon because I was just dying of thirst and it sounded semi good. I knew I would need some caffeine and so I just popped a can of soda. I don't often have soda much these days. Anyways, even as I was tilting the can back to take a drink I thought to myself that this wasn't going to taste very good or satisfying and honestly, it didn't. I regretted drinking it afterwards.

Yesterday, my mom, Ayden, and I had a picnic lunch at High Cliff and then went for what I wanted to be a nice leisurely hike but turned into scaling down this huge hill and then having to scale back up it. It was a great hike though that involved trying to jump over giant puddles of water, enjoying the warm sunshine, and just having fun!

My knee killed after the run on Saturday. I was doing good for pretty much the entire run, but right towards the end as we were going through some woods I felt something tweak in it and then I was the one telling Ayden to slow down. It hurt like a mother! I don't think it helped that the majority of the run was on uneven grass. It sucked. For the rest of the weekend I braced it which seemed to help some. People, I am dying here with the knee! Honestly though, this morning it felt pretty good. Definitely not as sore as I was expecting. The weather is great and I'm just dying to get out and run. Cross train and strength train, that is what I need to do! It starts tonight with a bike ride with the little man. I am going to try and go swimming some more too. I took about two weeks off of no hardcore working out, but it's back into it. I tell you. This nice weather and me, we like each other. I can't sit inside so even if it means walking outside instead of running, that's what I'll do! I also need to continue trying to eat better as well! This weekend was a bust, haha! Oh well! That rocky road shake I had at Scoops with the little man was well deserved and I can't say no to special moments like that, especially when we had a gift card, hehe!

And it definitely doesn't help when I bring donuts into work like I did today, but I wanted to thank everyone for being so awesome to me this last year. If only I could have kept my hands off of them. I had one and a half. Oops! But it tasted SO good! I suppose I really need to go on the bike ride tonight, don't I?!

CIAO! LOVE ME!

{dream in color 5k}

Today my sister, Emily, her boyfriend, John (Ayden’s most favorite person right now), Ayden, my bestie, Victoria, her son, Parker, and myself ran/walked the Dream in Color 5k and we ALL had an absolute BLAST!

If you recall, I was supposed to do the Color Run 5k with Victoria on New Years Day; however, I was deathly ill, so I couldn’t. She ran alone and rocked her very first 5k in absolute freezing weather, like literally, and has never turned back! That girl rocks my socks off!

Anyways, once I found this race was going on near us (and in warmer weather), I knew we just HAD to do it and we would take the little men in our lives along… AND I would almost force my sister and John to do it as well. I mean, afterall, they were both training to run a 5k at some point in the future anyways, why not get them started with something uber fun?! Yeah, I thought so!

So, this morning, we were all off to have some fun!

This was my pre-race get up. I was SO hoping to wear capri tights and just the tanktops, but mother nature wasn’t having it and so I layered up and kept warm instead! Smart choice on my part and I actually even put my race shirt over the tanks as well. Worked out nice!I can’t speak for Emily or John, but I had no pre-race jitters for this event. Maybe it was because I had done a few before, maybe it was because I knew we’d be walking most of it, maybe it was because I had my favorite little man with me… who knows… I just know that we were all excited and ready to go!

I had told Emily and John that I didn’t know how much Ayden would actually run and that if they wanted to go ahead of us at any point we would be totally fine with it. I had to stick with the little man and I was okay with that. We were just doing the run/walk for fun anyways. They let groups of about 50-60 go every few minutes and we were in the third group to get let out.

We all started out running at a slow jog and made it maybe a quarter of a mile before Ayden needed to walk. Fine by me! I told him he set the pace and it stayed that way for maybe the next half mile, haha! I realized I forgot to start my watch at the beginning of the race, so we were half a mile short upon finish, but that’s okay.

We ran through the first color station (and everyone there after). Shortly before the first station, Emily and John took off from us and ran ahead. After the first color station I decided to set the pace for Ayden and I. And by that I mean, I let us walk for a bit, then run for a bit, then walk, then run. We always ran nice and slow, although Ayden wanted to always go faster. I probably asked him every two minutes how he was doing. He surprised me. Every time we walked, I would say, okay, let’s walk until this point, then run. Once we started to run, I’d say, let’s run until here and then walk. It was never very far for either and if he needed to walk while we were running, we slowed down. My dear readers, my son AMAZED me! He did absolutely awesome! I am SO proud of him! SO proud!

We figure we finished the actual length of the 5k in just over 40 minutes! Amazeballs job to Emily and John and Ayden! They all rocked their first 5k! SO proud of everyone! I think they all had just as great of time as I did, at least I hope so! Ayden has decided that he wants to run a 5k with me at the end of the summer and I think I have Emily and John talked into it as well! I need to get them hooked too! I found us a perfect local 5k to do in August! And just to prove to me that little man has it in him, this afternoon while we were out at the park he ran the entire way around the track without stopping! Another proud mommy moment!Meanwhile, Victoria and Parker were also making their way through the course. Parker’s little legs had them going at a slower pace, but they finished strong and full of color as well! Everyone did it! 3.1 miles in bright and early on a Saturday morning!

And of course it wouldn’t be official unless Victoria and I got an end of the race picture!Gosh, what a wonderful start to the weekend!

CIAO! LOVE ME!

{sneaky little fella}

When the weather gets nice and our bird feeder is full… we have a friend who likes to visit… meet Mr. Squirrel! (At least he’s outside our house and not in our basement, haha!)Mr. Squirrel feels that the birds don’t need to eat the food from OUR feeder, but that it should be all his and only his…MMMmmm, that’s some good stuff!AHHHH! Someone help ME!Oh thank goodness I didn’t fall! Haha!Cute Mr. Squirrel… you probably shouldn’t come back. The men of this house are just dying to ‘take care’ of you! Haha!

CIAO! LOVE ME!

{from newbie to Au.D.}

Before I jump head first into my plans for this post, I just wanted to say that I am feeling much better today after yesterday's vent/woe is me whiny post. I knew I just needed to get it out and let go of it and move on. The words and feelings had been floating around in my head for the entire week and I just couldn't get myself to sit down and get all of the ickiness negative feelings out of my head so I could let the positive ones in. Today is about positivity and moving forward. Don't take my last post in the wrong way... I am more than grateful for the people and things in my life and know how completely I am blessed with my family and everything else. Just sometimes the negative thoughts creep in and I let them get to me. I can't be perfect all of the time. Actually, I'm never perfect and don't pretend to be. I have many more faults in me than may appear from the outside. We all do. Enough said.

And now for what I had originally planned to post about. Going from a newbie in Stevens Point to an Au.D. in Chilton. Oh how the last eight years have flown by! I remember the final drive away from Chilton and staying in Stevens Point as a family for the first time like it was just yesterday. Jay and I were both only 19 at the time and we had a one year old son. We were setting off on our own and had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. It was crazy! I look back on those times and wonder how we ever made it. Our story as a family has many ups and downs (more ups), but then so does everyone's story.

We settled into our first home away from home and started college in a new town away from everyone we knew. We both got jobs and our 'grown up' life started. I remember even then wondering and thinking how we would make it through our undergrad years.

And yet, time never stood still and we continued to thrive away from home. We made friends. We passed classes. We failed classes (well only one). We started to love Stevens Point and started to consider it our new home.

After two years in our first apartment, we outgrew it and wanted to move. We found our second home in Stevens Point. I graduated from college and then Jay graduated from college. Then I decided it might be smart to go back for my Doctorate. O.M.G.! I had NO idea what I was getting myself into! Haha!
By that time we had a pretty solid foundation in Stevens Point. It had become our home. We loved the city. We had fallen pleasantly into the role of parents. Ayden kept us on our toes. It was great. We were doing alright. We were making it on our own and we were all happy. I started grad school and then we decided that we wanted to move AGAIN. Well, mostly it was me deciding. I like change, haha! We found our third home in Stevens Point and it was by far the best we had out of the three. We spent three years in that house and loved them all! We travelled the city by bike and frequented the parks and the library.

I started the Au.D. program and thought to myself after the first year that I was insane. There was no way humanly possible that I was going to make it through the next three years and actually graduate with my Doctorate. Just not going to happen! Classes and projects and work and family got just really overwhelming at times. But my honey made life tolerable and he put up with me (haha) and my little man knew just the right things to say and do to put a smile on his mommy's face (still does).

Before I knew it, it was time to consider a fourth year placement and decide if we wanted to up and move our family again. It was decided. We were going to move back to our hometown. I had a great placement lined up and Jay found an amazing job. Ayden would go to school where we went. I had great fears about moving back to our home town though. If you've read my blog for any length of them, you probably read about those. I wasn't concerned about finding a place to live... it sort of fell into our laps, haha! I was worried that after seven years of living away from our family and making it work on our own that once we moved back we would start to rely on them and I didn't want that. We knew we could make it on our own and I didn't want to stop doing that.

Oh how I was wrong! See, it happens, haha! Happens quite a bit actually! Moving back 'home' was the best decision that we could have made. We are still operating as our own family and doing things on our own, but we are SO much more involved in our families than we were when we lived in Stevens Point. I loved Point and still do. Actually, it is probably one of the only farther away cities that I would consider moving back to at some point. There is nothing like getting a call on the way home from work from your dad asking if you want to have supper with them, or your mom stopping in unannounced to show you her new vehicle. It's the little moments that I didn't even know we were missing until we moved back. The interference I was expecting from our families hasn't happened. I think they all realized that since we were away for seven years, we knew what we were doing and how to operate on our own that they didn't need to. We moved away as we were becoming adults and we came back adults. I don't know that our parents were ever really THAT concerned about us, but as a parent myself now, I know that we were never very far from anyone's mind.

I sit and just smile about all that has happened in the last eight years and cannot believe in just two weeks my formal education will come to a close. I remember my high school graduation and it being bitter sweet. An ending and a beginning. I was proud at my college graduation of what I had accomplished; however, because I knew I would be going back once the summer was over, it wasn't THAT big of a deal for me. Now as I sit and wait for my last graduation I can't help but think of all of the people who have helped me get this far. If it weren't for the continued support from Jay and Ayden, both of our families, immediate and extended, my friends, co-workers, supervisors, and professors... I wouldn't currently be waiting to graduate with my Doctorate. It is just an amazing feeling!

As this chapter of my life comes to a close, I am MORE than ready for the next one to start! Bring it on 'real' life! It's time to put some money in the bank, hehe!

CIAO! LOVE ME!

{struggling}

I'd be lying with my answer if you asked me lately how I'm doing. I'd sit and tell you that I'm going good.

But lately I've been struggling.

Life lately has honestly been great, but I've just felt down.

I'm graduating in just over two weeks.

I have a job lined up for right after graduation.

I passed my licensing exam.

I have an amazing family.

I recently ran a kick ass half marathon.

And yet, here I sit, down in the dumps.

I'm struggling with feelings of jealousy of others. I know I shouldn't want for what others have. I know that my life is different and will continue to be different from others. I know that we each forge our own paths and things work out in due time for everyone, but just lately I can't help it.

As quick as graduation is approaching, it still seems so far away. It doesn't seem real yet. I have been waiting for this for the last four years and it has felt like it will never get here. As much as I want graduation, I want what comes after it even more... getting married, buying a house, having babies. I can't even begin to count the number of people I know who are doing all three... and oh how I want to be in that group.

Yes, I know it will get here in time. I mean, we are under six months until wedding time! I know that it seems like it will never get here because I have been waiting YEARS for these things. Most people find 'the one' and get married in just a few years, then comes a house and kids right away. I've been waiting to marry my 'one' for almost five years now! I've been waiting to have another kid for OVER five years. It is SO hard to continue to wait for something like these things when you want them SO bad and see almost everyone around you getting it.

Yes, I know. Do not covet what thy neighbor has. So sue me. Tell me you've never wanted what someone else has. Yeah, thought so!

Not going to lie, I've stopped using my wedding countdown as a wedding countdown. I've switched it to a countdown to when I can try and get pregnant. And it cannot come soon enough!

What else is causing my moodiness. PMS? Nope.

The inability to run. I want to run SO bad. I can't. I won't. Still recovering from knee pain.

Two weeks since my half marathon this weekend. Doing a 5K Dream in Color walk with little man on Saturday. Then it's balls to the wall with working out again. Maybe not running or full force running, but definitely getting back into my groove.

My willpower to stay away from the good food lately has been nonexistent. I mean come on, how can turn down Arby's curly fries? Or deep fried fish? Um, not me! Especially when someone else is cooking it for me. Thanks honeykins! And my lack of cardio and strength training means my extra calories are no longer getting worked off. I've been making an awesome effort at keeping my water intake on the up and up though, so that is a plus!

I'm getting married in September and I am making a promise right here and now that I will be a rocking hot bride! So, it's best to get my summer workout routine going before summer hits! Plus, I'm going to have off Monday's and Wednesday's this summer so that will give me plenty of extra time to get my sweat on! Yeah, that's right!

P.S. I mentioned I passed my license exam, right?! That's a whole lot of awesome! A whole lot of awesome because although I may have sounded confident about it to others when I talked about it, I was secretly kind of freaking about whether or not I passed. I thought there was probably a 50% chance of it going either way. Found out today my scores and they were plenty high enough to pass! That's right! And I totally celebrated with ice cream for supper at a local ice cream shop in town. If you know me in real life and know of Scoops... um, yeah, yummy! Best ice cream and they puts lot of cookie dough in my avalanche! SO good! SO worth it!

Okay. I'm feeling better now. I knew I just needed to get some words out of my fingers to make me feel better.

Tomorrow is Friday. It will be a good day!

CIAO! LOVE ME!