{woman's best friend}

I think I get it now. That whole man's best friend thing when it comes to dogs. I mean, I grew up with a dog... kind of. We had a dog for quite a number of years while living at my mom's house. An Australian Shepard named Misty. I loved the dog, but I don't think I really loved her. She wasn't really my dog per se, but I think most of the family fancied her. It was definitely sad to hear when she had to be put down because of age, but because I had been out of the house for a few years by that point it wasn't horrible. Does that sound bad? I wasn't too upset at that time. I still considered her a dog. Not a family member.

When we decided to take the leap into dog ownership I didn't know how it would overall affect our family. I mean, Jay knew that he wanted a dog, Ayden was just going to get surprised with a dog, and I wasn't quite so sure at that point in time. So, we got the dog. We named him Drake, and he slowly started to bond with us and we sort of kind of fell in love with him.

It's been almost three months since we've gotten him and I know it was the right decision. He just somehow fits into our family like he's always been there. Of course I still get upset with him. He's a dog, not a human. He's going to do things that I don't think. We are still in the training and puppy stage. I get it.

I've always liked dogs in general. You know, you'd go over to someone's house that has a dog and love on it for a bit, but it's definitely not the same as having your own. I see things now that I didn't see before. For example, when I go to other people's houses and their dogs jump up on me... um, cute for two seconds, then annoying. When I go to our house and Drake wants to be all up in my face, it's more cute than annoying. Maybe cute for five seconds, haha! Actually, we are really trying to work on the jumping thing with the impending arrival of the new baby. Drake's still a puppy, so I know it will take a little while yet. But I can see the annoyance in other people's faces when they come over to our house and Drake it all up in their business. They don't try and show it, but I know they'd rather not have the dog all over them. I get it because I don't want their dog all over me either.

Yes, Drake does get super excited still when new people come over. He likes strangers. He's all hyper and what not. Of course we can get him hyper as well, but he's got some good doggy intuition too. He's pretty chill and mellow for the most part when it's just us at home. He knows that mommy appreciates the extra snuggles right now. It's gone from him snuggling on me in the beginning when he was nice and tiny, to mostly snuggling next to me right now... with his head resting on the baby bump. That is our bonding time, just laying together on the couch.  He's definitely more active and hyper with Ayden. They are the play buddies. For whatever reason, just having him next to me to pet seems to help ease some of the discomfort that I am typically feeling at this point in the pregnancy. Unfortunately, or fortunately, I think he'll always be a couch dog now and that's okay with me. We have a nice big sectional, so there is plenty of space for both him and myself to stretch out right now and as we both get larger for the time being.

I definitely look forward to seeing what adventures lie ahead for our family and the pup! It's definitely going to be an interesting summer... that's for sure!

CIAO! LOVE ME!

{no news...}

....is usually good news. It's been a couple of days since I've blogged and I feel the need to write, but not a whole lot of new stuff has been going on around here that is really blog worthy. Last week had to have been one of the LONGEST week I've had in a long time. The week just seemed to drag no matter what I did. I'm pretty fed up with winter right now. I know that it wouldn't bother me so much if I didn't have such a long commute to work that made me drive in the crap we've been having almost every day now. And I know that I've chosen to have my job farther from home than some people, so I really have nothing to complain about. It just gets tiring after awhile. My drive itself on a good weather day is long enough (45 minutes) and so in bad weather it just makes the drive take forever and it increases my stress level... particularly since I do not have the greatest vehicle to be driving such distances in when the weather is uncooperative. Thank goodness my employer has been and continues to be fabulous when it comes to leaving early when the weather starts to get bad. I know I've said it before and I will continue to say it, even though my drive may be long, I've been blessed with some of the best co-workers known to man. That is definitely one thing that puts everything in perspective for me because I could have a very long drive and have an employer who could care less about that and the weather and hold it against me if I didn't come in or if I left early. Granted, because the majority of the patients that I am dealing with are elderly, when the weather does get really bad, they don't come in either. (Most of the time that is.)

Just ready for spring... for a number of reasons. No more snow. Days are lighter longer (although I'm already starting to notice that). Warmer weather. Baby time. Just overall better mood when the majority of these things occur.

Last week marked three months until baby's due date. Of course that doesn't actually mean anything as the baby is going to come when he is good and ready, but it is still exciting to see how much time has already passed in this pregnancy. I remember being three months in and thinking I'd never make it to the end and that given my state of horrible all day sickness it was just going to overall suck bananas the ENTIRE time. It still does suck bananas at times, that's for certain, but remember my last post, I'm trying to chin up these days! Trying to is the key word. It's definitely easier sometimes than it is others.

Last week was my first official week back to working full time. I worked full time for the majority of my externship (minus the pay) and it felt a lot easier than what I'm doing now, haha! I also wasn't seven months pregnant either and I was leaving an hour earlier at the end of the day so it wasn't as late when I get home at night. Factoring everything into the equation, can you blame me for thinking the week took forever and that I've wanted nothing more than just to sleep when I get home at night. Some nights I feel like Ayden is only getting 65% of the mommy that I could/should be. I know that he is getting older now and doesn't want as much hang on mommy time or 'need' mommy time as he did in the past, but I don't want him to feel like he is getting the shaft either right now. Every child deserves their parents devoted attention throughout the course of the day. That course of the day happens to fall at the end of the day for us. I certainly spend time with him at the end of the day when I get home asking him how his day went and so on, but then I am just so exhausted that I am often curled up in bed even before him. He certainly continues to be a trooper though.

That is definitely the pit of working full time. I know that at this point in our lives I kind of need to work full time in order to continue to help pay off our exorbitant amount of student loans and other bills and that the option of being a stay at home mom with the new baby would not only be feasible financially, it would not be physically or emotionally the right thing for our family either, as I NEED to work, at least part time. I enjoyed working part time and maybe will be able to again at some point. Right now though, it's full time. And despite it having some pits, we make the best out of it for our family.  

I got my hair chopped and highlighted over the weekend. I was super excited about it because it had been since WAY before the wedding since I got it cut last. I think my last major cut was prior to us moving... the last time I had this long of hair was back in October 2011 and then sometime between then and January 2012 I got it cut shorter, with it being the shortest by April 2012. Since then I have been steadily growing it out for the wedding and now... now it was time to get it cut again. I thought maybe I'd wait until after the baby was born, but I couldn't. Even three months is a long time when you want a hair cut. I'm didn't go super short. But the all one length long hair needed to go. I love changing up my hair and I was at a point where I needed some change. Just something to make me feel a little better. And... I am IN LOVE with how it turned out! It was just the change that I was looking for! Not to mention, it takes me less than half the time to comb it out in the morning as well which my arms are oh so thankful for! 

Our weekend sort of flew by. In some ways that was a plus as each day that passes brings me one day closer to meeting the tiny man; however, it also means we are that much closer to starting another work week. And people, as much as I do love my job (because I do), it's getting a little harder each and every day to enjoy being there when you feel uncomfortable. Lately I've had some days where I just feel huge and other days where I'm only feeling just big. Ayden and I chilled out on Saturday by ourselves as Jay was at a wrestling tournament. We spent some time outside with Drake where I did some shoveling. I'm having such a hard time reigning in how much I am doing at any given time because the shoveling really took a toll on my back. I think hauling the laundry up and down the stairs didn't help either and by the afternoon I was pretty immobile on the couch for the remainder of the day.

On Sunday I went to Appleton for a few hours with Victoria for lunch and some baby clothes shopping. I was supposed to meet up with a friend that I went to school with whom I haven't see in forever, but her little girls got sick so we needed to reschedule and I didn't want to go alone and it just so happened that Victoria wasn't busy and joined me. I was super happy because I knew that sitting in the house all day was just going to make my mood worse. After we got home, Jay and I headed out to my grandparent's house (where Ayden already was with my dad) for some homemade ice cream. And it was yummy!

Let's be honest here, there really isn't anything better than homemade ice cream and homemade hot fudge at your grandparent's house.

We got home and I was unfortunately upstairs laying down shortly before 7pm as I was just so uncomfortable. I actually fell asleep pretty early and managed to sleep the majority of the night (minus a few trips to the bathroom), but it felt good. I don't want to jinx it, but so far the actual sleeping part hasn't gotten too uncomfortable, although I know that my pregnancy pillow definitely helps with that. Oh how I miss sleeping on my stomach, haha! Soon enough... soon enough!

CIAO! LOVE ME! 

{chin up}

If you've read my blog for any length of time in the last couple of months, you'll note a common theme (and if you haven't noted it, um, HELLO!)... I complain a lot about my pregnancy. I'm open and honest about what is going on (with ME) and that I am NOT enjoying. I don't sit here and sugarcoat things for my readers. I don't really blog for my readers in the first place. This is more of a journal for me. In any event, I thought it would be a nice change of pace for me to note some positives about my pregnancy as well. There are certainly no where near as many positives as there are negatives (at least in my opinion), but there is one that outweighs any and EVERY negative and that is the outcome. So no matter how horrible things may seem to me at any given point, I am always looking ahead and praying for the best outcome and thinking of that tiny baby I'll be holding when all is said and done.

Here goes... in no particular order.

Positive number one... my hair is thicker than it usually is and I'm not shedding at the rate I normally would with my long hair.

Positive number two... my nails are stronger and growing faster than they ever have. Typically they are pretty brittle. I still keep them pretty short, but they grow like weeds right now!

Positive number three... the ladies at work are extra nice to me. (They are like mother hens to begin with, but they love on me even more now, hehe! I honestly couldn't ask for a more caring boss and co-workers. I have seriously been blessed beyond measure!)

Positive number four... having an 'excuse' for getting to eat pretty much whatever you want, whenever you want! Haha! And unfortunately for my waist line, I've been giving in to whatever I feel like eating the majority of the time.

Positive number five... seeing the baby on the ultrasound. Granted with a normal pregnancy, you don't get many of these, but there is just something so magical about seeing your little one on the screen knowing that he or she is growing safely inside of you. It just put me in awe during pretty much all of them!

Positive number six... hearing baby's heartbeat. Is there really anything better?!

Positive number seven... feeling the baby move and groove! Seriously, probably the ONLY thing that I am going to miss once this pregnancy is over because I waited for years and years to feel it again. One of the biggest positives in my opinion, albeit not THE biggest one.

Positive number eight... having a valid reason for seeing the number on the scale going up, despite not wanting to see it increase.

Positive number nine...  (in my case) being able to use the increasing belly size as an excuse not to shave my legs. We all know I don't particularly enjoy that necessity of being a woman, haha! That and the fact that it's winter and no one is seeing my legs anyways so even more of an excuse to not make myself uncomfortable bending over trying to get those hairy beasts, haha! I mean, I love me a nice smooth leg, but at this point, it's just HARD! Not going to lie!

Positive number ten... getting to look at and buy all of that cute new baby stuff! (Let's just pretend that it doesn't hurt the pocket book when I do that, lol!)

There you have it, a few positives so far in my pregnancy. I try not to let myself be miserable most of the time because it just ruins my mood even more. I know that the craptastic weather hasn't helped any. I despise the cold and am oh so looking forward to the spring and being able to get back outside with Ayden, Drake, and the new baby. I'm counting down the potential days left at work until baby comes because although I truly do love my job, I cannot wait to have six to eight weeks off during (hopefully) good weather and to go on long walks. 

I know there are still double digit weeks left before we get to meet this tiny little man and I know that there will probably be more uncomfortable days than comfortable days, but I can hang in there. I may continue to whine a lot, but it's just my way of making it through each day sometimes!

CIAO! LOVE ME!

{expanding}

I think I've hit the point in my pregnancy where I'm just not going to like what I see in the mirror anymore and I'm going to have to deal with it. I feel like every part of me is expanding in the outward direction and truth be told, it probably is. Every little part. I'm vain and I am missing my old body something fierce right now. A large part of me just can't help it.

This has certainly been a reoccurring theme over the last several weeks in my blog posts. Poor little Ashley sick of her pregnant body. Has it gotten old yet? Yes. Oops, my bad. 

Don't get me wrong, I definitely enjoy sitting down and staring at the bump and noticing that it is getting slightly bigger each week and knowing that means the tiny man is growing in there. I enjoy it even more when I can see and feel the tiny man moving around. It is really something that I am going to miss about the pregnancy. Probably the only thing. And I have this weird pregnant lady obsession with just rubbing it. Okay, maybe it isn't a weird obsession, just a regular pregnant lady obsession. I don't know how I feel about other people approaching me and touching the belly, but I haven't had anyone do that yet. 

I'm just overall feeling kind of blah. I don't feel attractive anymore, despite Jay continuing to tell me that I am. Although, he's my hubby, he kind of has an obligation to continue to tell me that all of the time, especially during pregnancy. I felt good in my skin pre-baby, really good, probably the best that I have ever felt about myself. Now I look in the mirror and consciously know that in that belly is a baby that is growing, but I don't feel very good about what I am actually seeing. Stupid mental games. It also doesn't help that my clothes aren't fitting the same and I'm uncomfortable more now. I miss my pre-pregnancy skinny jeans and shirts... a lot!

Thank goodness it is wintertime so I have an excuse to come home and throw a big sweatshirt and pj pants on and just curl up on the couch versus having to deal with some overwhelming heat wave in the summer! I know it was warm the summer that Ayden was born, but I don't remember much of it. Overall, the extra weight and blood volume has certainly helped keep me warmer so far this winter and given the recent DEEP freeze that we had, I needed it! At this point, its the same things over and over that are kind of downing my mood. Cold weather, winter blues, and being fat. Haha!

I know I'm the hardest on myself about it because I told myself that once I got pregnant I would continue to workout and I didn't and I have all of these stupid excuses as to why I didn't when it just comes down to the fact that I was lazy and I don't feel normal. Of course I'm not going to feel normal, I am growing a human being inside me. That takes a lot of work. Goodness, us women should get some kind of medal for growing babies! Our husbands have NO idea! Despite Jay (and Ayden) continuing to be overall very supportive through the pregnancy and helping out as much as they can at home, they just aren't going through it and don't know the physical, mental, and emotional toll that it is taking on me. Hormones on overdrive here! I sometimes wish I could just sleep away the rest of the pregnancy and wake up after the baby has arrived, haha!

Okay, thanks for letting me get that out there. Sometimes I just need to clear my head...

CIAO! LOVE ME!