{no news...}

....is usually good news. It's been a couple of days since I've blogged and I feel the need to write, but not a whole lot of new stuff has been going on around here that is really blog worthy. Last week had to have been one of the LONGEST week I've had in a long time. The week just seemed to drag no matter what I did. I'm pretty fed up with winter right now. I know that it wouldn't bother me so much if I didn't have such a long commute to work that made me drive in the crap we've been having almost every day now. And I know that I've chosen to have my job farther from home than some people, so I really have nothing to complain about. It just gets tiring after awhile. My drive itself on a good weather day is long enough (45 minutes) and so in bad weather it just makes the drive take forever and it increases my stress level... particularly since I do not have the greatest vehicle to be driving such distances in when the weather is uncooperative. Thank goodness my employer has been and continues to be fabulous when it comes to leaving early when the weather starts to get bad. I know I've said it before and I will continue to say it, even though my drive may be long, I've been blessed with some of the best co-workers known to man. That is definitely one thing that puts everything in perspective for me because I could have a very long drive and have an employer who could care less about that and the weather and hold it against me if I didn't come in or if I left early. Granted, because the majority of the patients that I am dealing with are elderly, when the weather does get really bad, they don't come in either. (Most of the time that is.)

Just ready for spring... for a number of reasons. No more snow. Days are lighter longer (although I'm already starting to notice that). Warmer weather. Baby time. Just overall better mood when the majority of these things occur.

Last week marked three months until baby's due date. Of course that doesn't actually mean anything as the baby is going to come when he is good and ready, but it is still exciting to see how much time has already passed in this pregnancy. I remember being three months in and thinking I'd never make it to the end and that given my state of horrible all day sickness it was just going to overall suck bananas the ENTIRE time. It still does suck bananas at times, that's for certain, but remember my last post, I'm trying to chin up these days! Trying to is the key word. It's definitely easier sometimes than it is others.

Last week was my first official week back to working full time. I worked full time for the majority of my externship (minus the pay) and it felt a lot easier than what I'm doing now, haha! I also wasn't seven months pregnant either and I was leaving an hour earlier at the end of the day so it wasn't as late when I get home at night. Factoring everything into the equation, can you blame me for thinking the week took forever and that I've wanted nothing more than just to sleep when I get home at night. Some nights I feel like Ayden is only getting 65% of the mommy that I could/should be. I know that he is getting older now and doesn't want as much hang on mommy time or 'need' mommy time as he did in the past, but I don't want him to feel like he is getting the shaft either right now. Every child deserves their parents devoted attention throughout the course of the day. That course of the day happens to fall at the end of the day for us. I certainly spend time with him at the end of the day when I get home asking him how his day went and so on, but then I am just so exhausted that I am often curled up in bed even before him. He certainly continues to be a trooper though.

That is definitely the pit of working full time. I know that at this point in our lives I kind of need to work full time in order to continue to help pay off our exorbitant amount of student loans and other bills and that the option of being a stay at home mom with the new baby would not only be feasible financially, it would not be physically or emotionally the right thing for our family either, as I NEED to work, at least part time. I enjoyed working part time and maybe will be able to again at some point. Right now though, it's full time. And despite it having some pits, we make the best out of it for our family.  

I got my hair chopped and highlighted over the weekend. I was super excited about it because it had been since WAY before the wedding since I got it cut last. I think my last major cut was prior to us moving... the last time I had this long of hair was back in October 2011 and then sometime between then and January 2012 I got it cut shorter, with it being the shortest by April 2012. Since then I have been steadily growing it out for the wedding and now... now it was time to get it cut again. I thought maybe I'd wait until after the baby was born, but I couldn't. Even three months is a long time when you want a hair cut. I'm didn't go super short. But the all one length long hair needed to go. I love changing up my hair and I was at a point where I needed some change. Just something to make me feel a little better. And... I am IN LOVE with how it turned out! It was just the change that I was looking for! Not to mention, it takes me less than half the time to comb it out in the morning as well which my arms are oh so thankful for! 

Our weekend sort of flew by. In some ways that was a plus as each day that passes brings me one day closer to meeting the tiny man; however, it also means we are that much closer to starting another work week. And people, as much as I do love my job (because I do), it's getting a little harder each and every day to enjoy being there when you feel uncomfortable. Lately I've had some days where I just feel huge and other days where I'm only feeling just big. Ayden and I chilled out on Saturday by ourselves as Jay was at a wrestling tournament. We spent some time outside with Drake where I did some shoveling. I'm having such a hard time reigning in how much I am doing at any given time because the shoveling really took a toll on my back. I think hauling the laundry up and down the stairs didn't help either and by the afternoon I was pretty immobile on the couch for the remainder of the day.

On Sunday I went to Appleton for a few hours with Victoria for lunch and some baby clothes shopping. I was supposed to meet up with a friend that I went to school with whom I haven't see in forever, but her little girls got sick so we needed to reschedule and I didn't want to go alone and it just so happened that Victoria wasn't busy and joined me. I was super happy because I knew that sitting in the house all day was just going to make my mood worse. After we got home, Jay and I headed out to my grandparent's house (where Ayden already was with my dad) for some homemade ice cream. And it was yummy!

Let's be honest here, there really isn't anything better than homemade ice cream and homemade hot fudge at your grandparent's house.

We got home and I was unfortunately upstairs laying down shortly before 7pm as I was just so uncomfortable. I actually fell asleep pretty early and managed to sleep the majority of the night (minus a few trips to the bathroom), but it felt good. I don't want to jinx it, but so far the actual sleeping part hasn't gotten too uncomfortable, although I know that my pregnancy pillow definitely helps with that. Oh how I miss sleeping on my stomach, haha! Soon enough... soon enough!

CIAO! LOVE ME! 

{chin up}

If you've read my blog for any length of time in the last couple of months, you'll note a common theme (and if you haven't noted it, um, HELLO!)... I complain a lot about my pregnancy. I'm open and honest about what is going on (with ME) and that I am NOT enjoying. I don't sit here and sugarcoat things for my readers. I don't really blog for my readers in the first place. This is more of a journal for me. In any event, I thought it would be a nice change of pace for me to note some positives about my pregnancy as well. There are certainly no where near as many positives as there are negatives (at least in my opinion), but there is one that outweighs any and EVERY negative and that is the outcome. So no matter how horrible things may seem to me at any given point, I am always looking ahead and praying for the best outcome and thinking of that tiny baby I'll be holding when all is said and done.

Here goes... in no particular order.

Positive number one... my hair is thicker than it usually is and I'm not shedding at the rate I normally would with my long hair.

Positive number two... my nails are stronger and growing faster than they ever have. Typically they are pretty brittle. I still keep them pretty short, but they grow like weeds right now!

Positive number three... the ladies at work are extra nice to me. (They are like mother hens to begin with, but they love on me even more now, hehe! I honestly couldn't ask for a more caring boss and co-workers. I have seriously been blessed beyond measure!)

Positive number four... having an 'excuse' for getting to eat pretty much whatever you want, whenever you want! Haha! And unfortunately for my waist line, I've been giving in to whatever I feel like eating the majority of the time.

Positive number five... seeing the baby on the ultrasound. Granted with a normal pregnancy, you don't get many of these, but there is just something so magical about seeing your little one on the screen knowing that he or she is growing safely inside of you. It just put me in awe during pretty much all of them!

Positive number six... hearing baby's heartbeat. Is there really anything better?!

Positive number seven... feeling the baby move and groove! Seriously, probably the ONLY thing that I am going to miss once this pregnancy is over because I waited for years and years to feel it again. One of the biggest positives in my opinion, albeit not THE biggest one.

Positive number eight... having a valid reason for seeing the number on the scale going up, despite not wanting to see it increase.

Positive number nine...  (in my case) being able to use the increasing belly size as an excuse not to shave my legs. We all know I don't particularly enjoy that necessity of being a woman, haha! That and the fact that it's winter and no one is seeing my legs anyways so even more of an excuse to not make myself uncomfortable bending over trying to get those hairy beasts, haha! I mean, I love me a nice smooth leg, but at this point, it's just HARD! Not going to lie!

Positive number ten... getting to look at and buy all of that cute new baby stuff! (Let's just pretend that it doesn't hurt the pocket book when I do that, lol!)

There you have it, a few positives so far in my pregnancy. I try not to let myself be miserable most of the time because it just ruins my mood even more. I know that the craptastic weather hasn't helped any. I despise the cold and am oh so looking forward to the spring and being able to get back outside with Ayden, Drake, and the new baby. I'm counting down the potential days left at work until baby comes because although I truly do love my job, I cannot wait to have six to eight weeks off during (hopefully) good weather and to go on long walks. 

I know there are still double digit weeks left before we get to meet this tiny little man and I know that there will probably be more uncomfortable days than comfortable days, but I can hang in there. I may continue to whine a lot, but it's just my way of making it through each day sometimes!

CIAO! LOVE ME!

{expanding}

I think I've hit the point in my pregnancy where I'm just not going to like what I see in the mirror anymore and I'm going to have to deal with it. I feel like every part of me is expanding in the outward direction and truth be told, it probably is. Every little part. I'm vain and I am missing my old body something fierce right now. A large part of me just can't help it.

This has certainly been a reoccurring theme over the last several weeks in my blog posts. Poor little Ashley sick of her pregnant body. Has it gotten old yet? Yes. Oops, my bad. 

Don't get me wrong, I definitely enjoy sitting down and staring at the bump and noticing that it is getting slightly bigger each week and knowing that means the tiny man is growing in there. I enjoy it even more when I can see and feel the tiny man moving around. It is really something that I am going to miss about the pregnancy. Probably the only thing. And I have this weird pregnant lady obsession with just rubbing it. Okay, maybe it isn't a weird obsession, just a regular pregnant lady obsession. I don't know how I feel about other people approaching me and touching the belly, but I haven't had anyone do that yet. 

I'm just overall feeling kind of blah. I don't feel attractive anymore, despite Jay continuing to tell me that I am. Although, he's my hubby, he kind of has an obligation to continue to tell me that all of the time, especially during pregnancy. I felt good in my skin pre-baby, really good, probably the best that I have ever felt about myself. Now I look in the mirror and consciously know that in that belly is a baby that is growing, but I don't feel very good about what I am actually seeing. Stupid mental games. It also doesn't help that my clothes aren't fitting the same and I'm uncomfortable more now. I miss my pre-pregnancy skinny jeans and shirts... a lot!

Thank goodness it is wintertime so I have an excuse to come home and throw a big sweatshirt and pj pants on and just curl up on the couch versus having to deal with some overwhelming heat wave in the summer! I know it was warm the summer that Ayden was born, but I don't remember much of it. Overall, the extra weight and blood volume has certainly helped keep me warmer so far this winter and given the recent DEEP freeze that we had, I needed it! At this point, its the same things over and over that are kind of downing my mood. Cold weather, winter blues, and being fat. Haha!

I know I'm the hardest on myself about it because I told myself that once I got pregnant I would continue to workout and I didn't and I have all of these stupid excuses as to why I didn't when it just comes down to the fact that I was lazy and I don't feel normal. Of course I'm not going to feel normal, I am growing a human being inside me. That takes a lot of work. Goodness, us women should get some kind of medal for growing babies! Our husbands have NO idea! Despite Jay (and Ayden) continuing to be overall very supportive through the pregnancy and helping out as much as they can at home, they just aren't going through it and don't know the physical, mental, and emotional toll that it is taking on me. Hormones on overdrive here! I sometimes wish I could just sleep away the rest of the pregnancy and wake up after the baby has arrived, haha!

Okay, thanks for letting me get that out there. Sometimes I just need to clear my head...

CIAO! LOVE ME!

{family time}

We had a great Christmas at the Hoerth household this year. I love this time of the year, primarily because it means spending lots of time with my family and Jay's family, and let's be honest, I'm kind in love with both of them! We weren't as super busy as we have been in past years with lots of Christmas celebrations to go to in just one or two days, so it was definitely nice to kind of sit back and relax and enjoy our time wherever we went. I'm sad to see the holiday season come to a close, but that is okay because it opens us up to 2014 and I am SO ready to see what this year has in store for our little family! 2013 was a great year for me and part of me is sad to see it come to a close as I remember looking forward to it with so much hope that great things would happen (and they did) and now it's over. It literally flew right past my eyes and I know that 2014 is going to go even faster with a new babe in the house to keep us busy and part of me is kind of bumming about that because as much as I sometimes want to wish time away, an even bigger part of me wants to just freeze everyone in place for a little while longer. (Particularly with that 9 year old in my house because he's growing up just WAY too fast these days!)

The little man of course was spoiled for Christmas. I think he enjoyed most of the gifts that he received this year. It is increasingly harder and harder to shop for him because I don't know what to get. The child hardly wants for anything.

We got some cute baby clothes for Christmas as well! So excited about that! And let's be honest here... are they really THAT tiny?! The tiny man is definitely going to be spoiled as well. It's been a long nine years since we've had a baby in our family. Of course there have been baby's galore on all sides (well except for my dad's as the youngest is about to turn six I think- and now there is going to be one born in March and our tiny man in April), but Ayden's been the only grandchild for a long time so I know that the grandma's and even grandpa's are excited to get their hands on a precious new one! We are SO blessed to have such great and supportive parents!

I hate to type it or even say it out loud, but I think I'm coming down with a cold. I don't do well with a cold while I am NOT pregnant and am able to dope up with my usual cocktail of Dayquil or Nyquil and now that I'm knocked up, I can't have either of those. I can have some Tylenol, but when I went in search of that last night, all I could find in our house was Advil... which I think is a no no (I lost my list of approved medications). So, no go on the Advil (at least until I talk to my doctor). Instead I saw that we had some Children's Mucinex, so I went to trusty Google to see if I could take that while pregnant and sure enough, I can. Tasted nasty (no wonder Ayden doesn't like it), but I wanted to be able to sleep last night. I don't know if it is the cold or what, but I slept like crap anyways and just feel like I'm dragging lately. I can feel a headache coming on and that on top of already not feeling super great, ugh! Complain city right here today! Haha!

Most days I am digging the pregnant belly look, but lately I've had a few 'I'm feeling fat days' and I still have 15 weeks left to go! We are down to about the three and a half mark and I know that they are going to go by super fast, just not fast enough, lol! There I go again, wishing the time away, when just earlier I was wanting it to stop! Stop doing that because you can't get it back! And I'd be lying if I sat here and said that there weren't aspects of the pregnancy that I'm enjoying because there certainly are (mostly the tiny man moving and grooving in my stomach). I'm sure this is something that all pregnant mama's feel... but I am in love with the fact that it's just me and him right now. I don't have to share him with anyone. I know the moving and grooving is the one thing that I am going to miss the most after he is born and then I actually have to share him with other people.

We are just past the point of viability now, meaning should baby be born early, medical intervention COULD be done. Anything prior to 24 weeks and typically the doctors won't try and do anything to save baby's life as the chances of survival are next to nil. Now, that doesn't mean miraculously at the 24 week mark the baby would automatically survive if born, in fact, chances of survival still are not that great at this gestation; however, medicine has come a long ways in the last how many years, so it has been seen more and more these days. Of course I'm hoping our tiny man continues to cook all the way up until his due date, but it's just one more 'milestone' that we've passed and it just means we are one step closer to holding him in our arms and not in my belly.

I think that Drake has really been enjoying some extra time out of is crate this last week and a half while Jay and Ayden have been home. He is getting SO big SO fast these days and even though he still drives me nuts more often than not, I'm STILL sticking with the opinion that we did the right thing in getting him. I've heard from countless people whom I've talked to about getting a lab that say they are so good with children, even the young ones. I'd love for Ayden to really bond with this pup (and I think he already has quite a bit) and the baby to grow up with him as well. There has definitely been a number of times where I've gotten upset with the dog peeing in the house or whatever, but not everything in life can or is or will be perfect. That's just how it goes. He will be potty trained at some point... after all, he is only three months old and really, for the most part, he is very good about going potty outside. And Diesel, our other fur friend of the house... he still hates the dog. Haha! Someday... maybe someday they will get along with each other!

CIAO! LOVE ME!

{before Christmas}

*Written prior to Christmas.*

Christmas is this week and I'm not really ready for it. It seems like it came upon us out of no where this year. I have yet to wrap Ayden's presents and Christmas is only two days away. I just don't feel like wrapping them though, haha! It will get done, it needs to get done, but this year I've been all about last minute stuff. Oops. Too much other stuff on my mind I guess.

 

We got our first big big snow storm of the year this past weekend. So happy that it happened over the weekend and it wasn't a weekend that Jay was supposed to go in and work and that he actually had the day off today so I could take it truck into work instead of my car because that made my drive seem that much easier. I called him once I got to work and told him that I thought we needed to switch vehicles because I much prefer driving his over mine, at least during this time of the year. Although the roads were not horrible this morning, I know that it would have taken me longer had I driven my car, and we are supposed to get more snow during the day, so the truck will help with my drive home. I don't know how he thinks he is going to get anywhere today with my car; however, because our snow blower is on the fritz and our drive is still a mess with deep snow that I KNOW my car isn't getting through. In any case, I made it to work safely.

Our weekend was low key. We switched up when we were going to have Christmas with my mom as we were going to have it on Sunday, but because of the weather we switched it to Saturday which worked out well, except for the fact that Jay couldn't make it because of the wrestling tournament. Either way, the rest of us had a good time together! We opened gifts, had a super yummy lunch, played Monopoly, laughed, took pictures... just had fun! Plus, my brother offered to drive Ayden and myself which was very nice of him given that the roads weren't perfect on Saturday either.

Yesterday was a relaxing day at home. We ventured out in the snow storm to go across town to get some groceries and then spent the rest of the day inside. Ayden and I worked on cleaning the toy room as it really was a disaster, Jay put plastic on the windows, we watched the Packer game, I did some laundry... etc etc etc... just a typical Sunday at our house. I need to be more conscious of the amount of work that I am doing, or at least at the pace that I am going because even just some up and down in the toy room for a few hours and I was a hurting unit by the end of the night. I have just about sixteen weeks to go yet and don't want to have to deal with horrible back and pelvic pain that entire time.

I got some good and exciting news at work last week. As of the first of the year, I will be a fulltime employee. I am very excited as the extra income will be greatly appreciated when the new baby arrives and the fact that my student loans are needing to be repaid now. I am slightly bummed (only for a selfish reason) that I will no longer get to enjoy two extra days off during the week. I 'worked' full time last year and by 'worked' I mean, I was a free intern that did all of my bosses work and it was fine. I don't mind working fulltime, and the plan was all along for me to go fulltime when the position was available. I certainly would have enjoyed two extra days off with the tiny man this summer after he was born, but that is okay. Working fulltime for the rest of this pregnancy is bound to make it fly by which is what I want, haha! I hate wishing away time by any means, but you know... I'm excited to meet this little guy.

I went through a small panic mode last week about having another kid and everything that it is going to entail. Sometimes I wonder if we should have waited a little while longer, but then I think... wait for what?! I don't know that the timing would ever be perfect to add another child and Ayden is only getting older and then why would I want to start all over again once he's a teenager. Certainly people do it... I mean, my dad had another one when my brother was already 12 or 13.... it can be done. Life is definitely going to change (for the better of course) with the addition of the tiny man to our family and I know that shortly after he is born it will be like he was meant to be with us all along. A pregnant woman is allowed to have some moments of panic, right?!

CIAO! LOVE ME!