{back to work}

I'm sitting here in the glider in Xander's room listening to him smack his lips in his crib just chilling out. It is relaxing. And I'm giving all this up to go back to work on Monday. Why oh why?! Actually, as I've probably said before, I enjoy my job so I'm not completely heartbroken about having to leave my sweet baby boy. Honestly, I visited work this past week (I was missing my coworkers, they really are like family to me) and had a look at my schedule for Monday and I am excited about getting back to it. Of course I am going to miss Xander. I miss Ayden like crazy when I'm at work and have missed him like crazy while he has been in school these last weeks and I've been home. Ayden and I will always have that extra special mommy and son bond... Simply because he had been my only child for nine years. Unfortunately, I have to now give my sons the same line that my mom gives me 'you are one of my favorite children' or 'you know I love you all equally'. Let's face it, that may be true in the case of me to my kids, but we all know I'm my mom's favorite no matter what she says, haha!

I've definitely enjoyed being home after having Xander, but it's time to get back to our reality and I think we are all kind of looking forward to it. 

The tiny man has been very good to mommy the last two nights sleeping for about a six to seven hour stretch. Mommy is happy. We did take a step back from the crib transition though. It was pretty warm here last week/beginning of the week and we only have two window AC units. One for our bedroom and one for Ayden's bedroom. Because we had one night before they were put in that it was warm and both mommy and Xander slept like crap... Daddy installed them and the next night instead of having Xander in his hot room and crib, we brought him back to our room and put him in the pack and play. That was an okay night. The night after it cooled down a bit and he was back in the crib. Once again, it was an okay night. Momma was getting tired of just okay nights, so on Wednesday, I brought him back into our room, swaddled him up (it had gotten cooler again) and hoped for the best. Needless to say, I was surprised when I was first being woken up at almost 3am! I thought it might be a fluke, but he did it again last night. We'll make the transition back to the crib at some point, but with me going back to work this week, I'm going to try and get as much sleep as I can! Yeah Xander!

I had my post partum doctors visit today and everything looks good! I got the okay to start working out again, although I have been kind of running for the past two weeks and just this week started a program called T25. It is a beach body program and I just finished Day 2 today. The best part is that the workouts are only 25 minutes long. The two that I have done so far have literally kicked my ass, but everyne has 25 minutes to spare! I've done other beach body programs... Turbo Fire and Chalean Extreme and have loved them both and will incorporate both of them into my cross training for my Dopey Challenge in January. It just feels so good to feel like me again. As I've probably said a dozen times now. What can I say, it was a long few months where I really didn't feel like me. 

These next couple of weekends are going to go by super fast because we are booked to the gills with graduation parties, soccer games, rummage sales, Father's Day, and anything else we can seem to fit in! Before I know it, the month of June is going to be over and it didn't even start yet! Goodness! 

And, now tiny man is starting to fuss so that is my cue to end this!

CIAO! LOVE ME!

{running}

Today was my first non track non jogging stroller long run on my old running route and even though it severely kicked my ass, it felt great! When I started running again last week I had full intentions of following the Couch to 5K program like I did last time, but on Day 2 I said screw it and did my own thing. At this point I am fully doing my own thing, but it is still running inverals, they are just longer than I would be running already with C25K. Most of my runs so far have been with Xander in the jogging stroller around the track... No people, no bumps, and close to our house if Xander would happen to get ultra fussy (although he's enjoyed them so far). 

I fully and logically realize that I am only five weeks post partum and it took me nine full months to go from 123 lbs to 158 lbs (I'm kind of guesstimating that number, because it know it was close to 35 lbs that I gained during pregnancy), but the emotional part of me is bummed my weight loss has kind of stalled and it's taking hard ass work to get the scale to move again. As of this morning, I was 128.6 lbs, only 5.6 lbs to lose to get to my pregnancy weight, only 8.6 lbs to lose to get to my goal. But ultimately, the number on the scale doesn't matter so much to me as it is feeling good in my body and fitting back into all of my clothes. Most days I wake up and feel good about where I am in this so called journey back to the old me, but occasionally I'll look in the mirror and still see the baby pooch and I'll want to wear a specific pair of pants and I can't yet fit into them. I should feel great that at only five weeks out I only have five more pounds to lose, but also, the closer you get to your ideal weight, the harder it becomes to lose it and the more hard work you have to put in. Hard work sucks! Lol!

So, about my run today. Like I mentioned, it kicked my butt! I took off on my old three mile route and decided that I wanted to try and finish in 40 minutes or less. I had tried that on Monday on the track with the stroller, but missed it by three minutes. I was still proud of myself though. Three miles in 43 minutes while pushing a stroller (granted it was on a flat surface).

I put my headphones in, cranked the music to an unapproved by an audiologist level, hehe, and took off! I ran almost all of the first mile and then had to do shorter intervals throughout the rest of it. If you run, or even walk for that matter, you know there was just something about being alone with your thoughts. Running kicks my ass, but it also gives me that challenge and I love pushing myself. Today I was telling myself to get to the next light post or the next sign and to just keep going! And I did. I may have been a sweaty mess afterwards, but I also felt great! And you know what? I ran those three miles in 40 minutes 18 seconds. Not quite under my goal, but damn near close enough to it! It was just the 40 kid and baby free minutes that this momma needed to rejuvenate herself!

Getting ready to rock that 5k on Sunday, even if we have to walk more than run.

CIAO! LOVE ME!

{to my alexander}

My tiny man... You have now been in our family (outside of mommy's belly) for just over a month now and like mommy always says, time has flown! She cannot believe that you have been here for a month now and what a month it has been!

We recently had your one month doctor's appointment and you weighed 11 lbs 8 oz and were 23 inches long. Both of those fell into the 90th or above percentile. I don't remember what the nurse said your head circumference was (although she did write it down), but I do know it was also in the 90th percentile. You are growing like a weed and are super healthy!

Your tear ducts are clogged, but your doctor said that that was okay and that what we were doing at home was good. She said it could take up to a year for them to clear out, but mommy and daddy are hoping it happens sooner. It doesn't seem to bother you at all, but mommy feels bad always having to wipe your eyes.

Everywhere we go people ooh and ahh over your hair! Daddy's keeps saying we need to cut it and as much as mommy wishes he was joking, she knows that he's mostly serious. Mommy refuses though and you'll have nice long hair for a long time yet. Your brother's hair is nice and long right now too and it is the cutest! Although he wouldn't want mommy calling him cute. He's at that age.

Speaking of your big brother... He loves you more than he lets on. Mommy has caught him singing to you to try and calm you down, he tries to give you your nuk, which by the way you don't really care for, even though mommy wishes you would... He likes to say goodnight to you and is always asking how your day was when he gets home from school. He still refuses to change any of your diapers though!

You are sleeping relatively good at night for a one month old, only making mommy and daddy get up twice usually. We will take that for now because we know it could be worse, although at this point mommy is starting to jones for a full uninterrupted night of sleep. She knows it will come again... Hopefully sometime in the coming months. Your brother did not sleep through the night for a long time and that is one thing she hopes you don't follow in his footsteps with. 

You've just about outgrown your newborn diapers which is sad. We have just a few left that we are trying to use up, but the size ones definitely fit a little bit better. You have outgrown just a few newborn outfits and some of the 0-3 month ones that were big on you just a few weeks ago are going to be too small pretty soon! Stop growing so fast please!

Right now you are eating about 4 oz every 3-4 hours and you always burp better for daddy than you do for mommy. She is a little jealous about that, but she knows she has the special touch when it comes to calming you down. 

Mommy has to go back to work in a week and a half and she is going to miss you like crazy! She has had a lot of years to get used to being away from your brother all day, but you are a tiny little munchkin yet. But your Auntie Emmy is going to be watching you for the majority of the summer, so she knows that you and Ayden are going to be in great hands and you will have lots of fun I with her. 

Mommy loves you tiny man!

CIAO! LOVE ME!

{first Mother's Day as...}

...a mommy of two! And it was great! Ayden made me the cutest little gift in school with the sweetest poem inside. I could sit here and complain that I didn't get to sleep in and Jay did. I could complain that Jay didn't even take the boys out to get me something, but I'm not going to. Despite the fact that it would have been nice to be a little spoiled on Mother's Day, I just revelled in the fact that I am blessed enough to be a mom, and a mom to two little boys that I couldn't fathom my life without. We spent the morning chilling at home together and it was great. I got in some extra snuggles and just loved it.

In the afternoon, we headed over to my mom's place and celebrated Mother's Day with her. We had some yummy food, of which I indulged in just a bit too much, haha! And then drove home in the pouring rain. Ah, but alas, it was a great day!

And because it was crappy weather yesterday, Jay ended up getting the day off. He headed into work, but got called off before he arrived, so he came back home and took over baby duty for me in the morning and let me sleep in and he even took Ayden to school. I slept in until about 8am and I am not going to lie, it felt nice! Xander continues to get up about twice a night and as much as it sucks sometimes, it could be worse and I'm not super exhausted all day and I often don't end up napping either.

CIAO! LOVE ME!

{first run}

Yesterday marked four weeks since Xander was born. Let's take a moment and just reflect upon the fact that I have successfully been the parent of two children for four weeks and have successfully taken care of a newborn on my own during the day for three weeks. (Not that I didn't think I could take care of a newborn, but it has been a long time.)

Yesterday also marked my first postpartum run. Up until yesterday, I have been walking about three miles every few days, but my mind has been screaming to get out and run! My body on the other hand, hasn't been ready until just recently. And I was being smart and listening to it. Yes, I know that it hasn't been the 'recommended' six weeks yet, but if I didn't feel ready, I wouldn't have tried it.

I haven't ran or worked out since my birthday of last year. I know this because I ran the Dirty Girls 5k with Victoria and the day after my morning sickness started and that put a kaboosh on everything. I mean, if we are being honest here, I could probably totally have tried to work through it, but I was too miserable and didn't feel like it. Pity poor excuse if you ask me, haha!

Anyways, I fully knew that starting to workout and run again post baby wasn't going to be easy and it would push me physically, but I was ready. I had intentions of running with Ayden after he got home from school and taking Xander in the jogging stroller if need be. Then I remembered Ayden had soccer practice and I didn't want to tire him out before that and Jay was going to visit his parents and give his mom her Mother's Day gift and he was going to take the baby. So... After Ayden started practice, I laced up my new running shoes, strapped on my Garmin running watch, turned on some good tunes, and took off! Well, kind of. I actually have started the Couch to 5k program again. I did this program two years ago when I started running and loved it! It helped me run my first 5k, got me hooked on running, and ultimately led me to running my first half marathon! 

I knew yesterday's run was going to be hard and it was. But, what I wasn't prepared for was also how great it felt! The feeling of the pavement pounding under my feet is something that I didn't realize I missed so much. Yes, I did miss working out and running throughout my pregnancy, but I didn't realize just how much. I pushed through the workout yesterday and had the craziest smile on my face afterwards! I felt great afterwards... Think I was sort of riding a bit of a runners high. I was fully expecting to be sore this morning, but I wasn't. 

I felt more like myself than I have in the past who knows how many months. All of the dislikes I had about pregnancy were definitely worth it for Xander and I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat for him, but I'm not going to lie, I feel SO much better now. Now just to work on losing those last six pounds and getting my muscle definition back and to fit back into ALL of my prepregnancy jeans, hehe! 

I can't wait to get back to swimming and the rest of my cross training as well... Bike riding and rollerblading, but I'm going to wait a few weeks yet for that. I'm going to start the program T25 in a few weeks too. Ready to hit everything up hardcore by the beginning of June!

The bitch it back! Haha! Just kidding! But the drive to get back out there is in full force now!

CIAO! LOVE ME!

{three weeks}

I'm having a hard time figuring out where the last three weeks have gone. I know that time flew just as fast when Ayden was a baby and the last 10 years have literally flew by in the blink of an eye. It is crazy. I am going to enjoy these next four weeks at home with Xander and hope that they go nice and slow. And then summer is going to start and I know that it is going to fly by as well and before we know it, we are going to be back in the cold weather. Wisconsin is supposed to have all four seasons, but I feel like they get an unequal amount of time to be enjoyed by us and that it is colder a lot longer than it is warmer, but that is just me.

We had a good weekend. I feel like I didn't get to see my husband during any if it, but it was still good. On Saturday, I walked my first official 5k since Xander was born. It was a 'color run' but not the OFFICIAL one. We (Ayden, my sister, her boyfriend, Victoria, and her little man, Parker), did this run last year and had a great time. I didn't really plan on doing it this year, but my sister suggested it, so we did and this year my mom joined us. Emily, John, and Ayden walked/ran it, and my mom and I just walked it. Up until Saturday I had only walked one mile increments and I definitely felt it afterwards in my back, so I was kind of concerned how I was going to make it through a longer walk. 

The weather was cool and windy, but we survived and got full of color! It took me just under an hour to walk the whole thing which I thought was pretty good considering. I wore my belly binder which helps more now for the slight lingering back aches and I felt pretty good throughout the entire walk. I'm not going to lie though, I wanted to be one of the runners. It was hard for me to be walking it and not running It. I know the time will come, but still. That just means I still have the want for running within me. But on the other hand, I am nervous about starting up again after such a long break. I am excited to break in some new shoes though! 

During the walk, Xander hung out at my dad's house and was watched by Wendy and Alexis. Jay was turkey hunting. Ayden decided to stay at my dad's house after the walk to play with Alexis, so it was just me and Xander at home afterwards. Jay was helping with a brat fry and then headed back out to hunt some more. 

Sunday, Jay had to work until noonish, so the boys and I chilled at home, made a Walmart run, and relaxed. After Jay got home he did the most amazing thing. He took both boys AND the dog out to his grandparents house for a few hours. His grandparents needed help putting the pier in on the lake and his grandma couldn't say no to baby time, lol! I had the ENTIRE house to myself (well the cat was here) and it was pure bliss! I needed some downtime as lately Xander has been having some long cranky periods which definitely take a lot out of this momma. But you know what... I enjoyed probably the first hour alone and then just waited for my family to return, haha! Jay definitely got the worlds best hubby award yesterday, even if he took the boys and then didn't end up even having to watch them himself. 

This week I have decided to drop Ayden at school off myself, whereas since Xander has been born, Wendy has picked him up from our house on her way to drop Alexis off (when I go to work, I drop Ayden off at their house in the morning). I know that Wendy would have gladly continued to pick Ayden up from our house on their way as it is on the way for her, but for whatever reason I wanted to get into a good routine of doing it in the morning. Slowly adding things to our morning routines will make getting ready when I go back to work hopefully easier in the coming weeks. Anyways, I got caught up in writing out some bills this morning and before I knew it, I had about 7 minutes before I wanted to leave and I hadn't dressed Xander yet. And of course in the middle of changing his diaper, he decided he needed to poop and pee everywhere. Thanks buddy! Haha! We still got out of the house on time, but it definitely added some stress for mommy! The joys of a baby!

CIAO! LOVE ME!