{almost husband}

The man I am going to spend the rest of my life with does not get the credit on my blog (or sometimes in real life) that he so deserves. If anything, the majority of 'air time' he gets on here is when I am bitching and moaning about something that he did. But believe it or not, I do love him more than it probably shows.

Many many times I use my blog as a venting outlet. If you've known me in real life for any amount of time, you might know that although I have a lot of close friends, I'm not always the type to pick up a phone to let out some frustrations. I write about it and unfortunately for Jay, I happen to write about it on an open blog for everyone to see. And then... then I post the blog link on Facebook where people we both know can easily click on the link and then read about our failures in our relationship. Sometimes the happy good things get passed on by and just need to bitch it out to someone or something versus keeping it in.

I never really got his insistence on why he does not like that I write about our imperfect life for everyone to see... that is until this weekend. I don't often go back and reread my posts after I write them. I blog spur of the moment most times and when I am in an especially pissed off mood, I just let the fingers do the talking.

During an argument this weekend, Jay brought up the fact that I had told him a while ago that I would no longer blog about our personal life on my blog and I recently had. Do I air all of our 'dirty laundry'?! Hell no. We are not perfect, I do not strive to pretend on this blog that we are perfect. But did I follow what I had told him I would do. No. I don't think Jay reads my blog every time I post, but I could be wrong. I do know that he read a post that I did about a recent argument and I did not paint him in the greatest light. I won't deny that what I wrote was how I was feeling at the time, but I went back and reread the post after the fact and felt bad for what I had written. Not only is Jay a great guy, but he is also a great father. We all falter at times... I suppose that I am just more eager to jump at his mishaps than I am to own up to my own.

I do regret what I wrote and honeykins, if you happen to be reading this... I'm sorry. I don't know if it matters after the fact, but I am starting to see your point now.

Will that keep me from using my blog as an outlet, probably not. Will it help me be aware of what I am writing and how I am writing it, yes.

I could not be more blessed to have someone by my side who wholeheartedly accepts all of my wonderfulness and all of my many faults. And let me tell you, I have many a fault and yet each time I start an argument (because let's be honest here friends, I do start most of the arguments), Jay is the one making sure we resolve it. My biggest fault is holding things in and admitting that I am in the wrong, and yet Jay still stands by me day in and day out. If I were him I don't know that I would still be with me, and yet he still stays.

In the last nine years of being together we had one really rough patch pretty early on where we almost called it quits. Where we were at a point that neither of us really knew if we wanted to make it work, but we pushed through and came out for the better on the other side.

All of that being said, I couldn't be more blessed to have found my prince and cannot wait to continue growing old together and hopefully adding to our family!

CIAO! LOVE ME!