{indifferent}

(Wednesday)

Even though life continues to move along at warp speed around me, I've been kind of feeling indifferent lately. I continue to have thoughts upon thoughts upon thoughts go through my head, but I'm not quite sure how I feel about everything right now. I'm kind of having a 'woe is me' week, even though I don't have anything that I need to complain about. It is kind of like an out of body experience as I sit back and watch myself go through the motions every day. I can't say anything in particular has been bothering me, but I feel like I'm being very fake this week with my emotions and trying to put on a smiley face for everyone. Granted, it wouldn't be very professional of me to respond to a patient when they ask how I'm doing with something like, 'Oh you know, life sucks this week.' So yeah, the days are just kind of continuing by.

I didn't work out yesterday and I know my mood is suffering today because of that. But I also knew that I needed to take the day off yesterday. Apparently I rocked ChaLEAN Exteme something hardcore on Monday when I was doing the squats with 15 lbs dumb bells in each arms, because damn, my legs sure felt it yesterday and are still sore today. You know the kind of sore I am talking about if you work out at all. It's a good sore, but one that I knew would not let me get in a decent run yesterday. So, I relaxed and let my legs rest.

I set a goal for myself at the beginning of November that I would run 75 miles this month. As of right now, I am 12.73 miles short of that goal. I have until Friday to finish those 12.73 miles and believe you me, I WILL hit 75 miles by the end of the day Friday. I refuse not to when I have come this close. Throughout the month of November, so far my average running pace is 9 minutes 57 seconds per mile. People, that is UNDER a 10 minute mile! Not by much, but still! I have run a total of 10 hours 19 minutes so far in November. The plan for tonight is at least 5 miles, but I may stretch it and go for six. We shall see...

My eating since Thanksgiving has been kind of off too. For a while there the scale was starting to be my friend again, and then this morning again after breakfast and my shower it wasn't. I tried to reason with myself that it was because I had already eaten breakfast and had a towel on that there was that added extra weight, but even so, had I weighed myself before that I'm sure I wouldn't have seen a number that I liked. I try so hard not to become obsessive about it. But it pulls me back in just when I think I've avoided it again.

(Thursday)

Made it 6.2 miles last night. Rocked those 6.2 miles. My favorite part of a run is getting to a point where I know I have been going for a while and not struggling for breath, to be able to just keep going and not be huffing and puffing. It kind of goes back and forth during the run. I was ready to be done last night at the end. I was a little cold. On tonight's agenda... a 7 miler. Typically my really long runs are on the weekend, but with the 5 mile Sleigh Bell Run this Saturday, I think the last thing I will want to do after that is get out and run another two miles. So, putting the long run tonight. Kind of looking forward to it. I downloaded a new playlist last night and I really got into it. Love running with the music pulsing through my veins. It gives me a lot of time to think.

I am ready for the week to be over though.

Just because.

Just tired. I was in bed by 8pm last night and I was asleep by 8:30pm. And I slept soundly through the night until 5:50am when my alarm went off and got out of bed still tired. I thought working out at night was supposed to keep me awake longer. These runs at night, especially the long ones, they kill me and I am out for the count. I'm not complaining about the quality of my sleep because it has been good or even the quantity because I am getting on average anywhere between the recommended 8-9 hours of sleep per night, but dang if I didn't want just a little bit more each night. Alas I don't get it right now. Haha! That's what weekends are for, right?!

CIAO! LOVE ME!