{owning it}

Tuesday night I had a great 4.5 mile run. I owned that run. I had every intention of getting out and running as soon as I got home from work; however, since Jay wasn't home quite yet I couldn't do that. Typically if I do not get out and run as soon as I get home the motivation for me to get out and run decreases and I start to make excuses about why I don't have to go.

Tuesday night I didn't make any excuses. Thankfully Jay got home about a half hour after Ayden and I did and it wasn't super late, so I laced up the running shoes and hit the pavement. I started out strong and was feeling good. I wasn't going really any faster than I normally do, but it just felt so good to get out and run. I hadn't run since Sunday and my run then was just around the track so really not all that motivating.

It was dark by the time I set out then, but the weather was milder (maybe I'm just getting used to the colder weather, but 38 degrees didn't seem that cold to me as I really got into it), and I just went. Per the usual, I cranked the music and let it carry me away. About 2.5 miles in I started to feel it and I knew that the second half of my run is more uphill than down, but I pushed through. I told myself that I just had to keep going. There did come a point about 3.5 miles in where I had to stop and walk for about 30 seconds because I felt like I couldn't get a deep enough breath, so I listened to my body, walked for a bit, and then kicked it back into gear. I ran 4.5 miles in 45 minutes. I was proud of myself. I killed it!

Maybe it is the running in the dark thing, but the run went pretty fast (even though it was 45 minutes) and before I knew it, I was on the home stretch.

Every run is created differently and I am fully prepared to know that the next 4.5 mile run will not be the same as the previous nights. It has the same potential to be just as great, even better, or possibly even worse. But I am going to take whatever it brings me and own it! I will own the feeling of euphoria as I start out and make it through the first mile and then the side pain that may or may not set it come mile 4... it is all what you make it and I am all about making it mine!

Case in point, last night's run. Jay and I got into an argument when he got home. A pretty bad one. *Sidenote here because I need to vent a little bit. Bit of back story if you are new to my blog, we recently moved back to our hometown and my dad and his wife take Ayden to school each and every day and pick him up... all without us paying them. (Now, they need to drop their daughter off as well, so what is one more kid. But seriously, they are doing us a HUGE favor, whether or not they think of it like that. And I know that my dad would never think to complain to me about doing it.) In any case, I feel very strongly that the second we can pick Ayden up from my dad's house after either Jay or I are done with work, we should. If we were paying a daycare to watch him or something like that, then I wouldn't feel so bad about it. Last night, Jay got done with work early and instead of picking up Ayden right away, he went hunting. This is the second time this week he has done that. It pissed me off. Royally. I feel like he is taking advantage of the fact that my dad is watching Ayden (whether or not my dad really cares if Ayden is there or not) and that Jay is not being the responsible parent that he should and picking Ayden up right away. I feel that ever since we've moved back closer to family that he is taking more and more advantage of the 'extra help' we can so easily get, whereas when we lived in Point it was always just us. Me on the other hand, I feel that we are the parents and Ayden is our responsibility. It is completely different if someone offers to watch Ayden for us (ie: my sister saying she could take Ayden to my uncle's house on Thanksgiving since Jay and I won't be able to make it) versus us asking someone. Another example... Ayden spent the night at Jay's parent's house last weekend and the next morning I kept getting on his case about when we were going to get Ayden. Despite Jay's mom insistence that it didn't matter when we picked him up (love her for that, I feel that Ayden is not her responsibility) and I kept getting on Jay's case to at least give her a time frame of when we/he would go get him. I mean, isn't that at least the appropriate thing to do, so that she wasn't wondering all day. Whatever though. Jay and I were bitching at each other last night and I just needed to get out and run to burn off the anger.

Anger fuels a run... until you get so wrapped up with it that you burn out. I can't say I was in a much better mood after my run last night than I was when I started, other than the fact that I knew I just burned a ton of calories. I pushed too hard in the beginning because I was so pissed and needed to take a 30 second walk break just before I hit two miles. The rest of the run went pretty smoothly and I felt good afterwards. I think I need to invest in some sort of foam roller though because I could really feel it in my left knee afterwards and I'm scared that as I slowly increase my mileage my knee is going to start hurting more. I've heard from multiple people that foam rollers are a god send... and just maybe I need to start thinking about a short ice bath or shower after my runs. I've heard good things about those too. I just REALLY hate being cold and haven't been brave enough to try one yet. Plus I haven't thought that my mileage was long enough to necessitate one. But probably.

Either way, my running goal for November is 75 miles and as of last night I have reached 20.5 already! I am running four days a week, doing some strength training for my upper body one day and then have decided to do some swimming the other day and finally taking one day off to fully rest.

On the schedule this weekend is a six mile run for Saturday that I won't lie, I am slightly terrified of, a three miler on Sunday, and then Zumba with my bestie! It will be a great weekend, that is for sure!

CIAO! LOVE ME!