{insecurity}

Sometimes Usually when I write my blog posts, I have diarrhea of the fingers and just let them go and whatever comes out, comes out. As I was rereading my last blog post, after having already posted it because who would proofread it before actually posting it, I had some thoughts... lets call them minor revelations.

I probably came off sounding like a whiny little bitch, complaining about a few pound weight gain. I weighed freaking 124.5 lbs... I know people who would literally kill to weigh that and here I was complaining about it. What the F! Seriously, where do I get off?! Even when I started my fitness journey to lose weight over a year ago, I wasn't considered overweight. I was definitely leading a lifestyle and had food habits that would have led me there given the time, but I certainly had nothing to complain about. And yet, there I sat yesterday, letting my fingers pour out bitchiness after bitchiness about a few pound increase on the scale. My apologies, friends, readers, whomever. I mean, I don't really write this blog for anyone other than me, but I definitely don't want to come off sounding all whiny and complaining... ALL of the time, haha!

The thing is, when you are almost at your goal weight or don't have that much to lose in the first place, it is THAT much harder to lose the weight. It took me a solid six months to get rid of just 15 pounds. 15! The amount of kick ass work I had to put in during those six months and how I had to completely change my eating habits almost made me turn around and go back to my old ways, almost!

So, yeah, at this point in the game, I do get upset with a small increase in the scale, whether they are just the average daily fluctuations, weight retention from a sodium ladden brat I may or may not have had for supper last night, or the week leading up to TOM... it irritates me. The other thing I failed to realize is that maybe that increase is muscle gain and not fat gain. How do I determine which it is? And if it is muscle gain, how am I going to learn to accept seeing the scale go up? Oh why does it own me so?

My clothes are still fitting great, well despite the fact that most of my jeans are too big. Sad face here and yet happy face as well! So I guess I should take that as a sign that I am continuing to do something right. With all of the hard work I put in and continue to put in, I struggle with the minor upsets. Sometimes, folks, lets face it, it is a one day at a time thing and sometimes even a one hour at a time thing. Take last week for example... back to counting my calories and I did pretty good. I ran 3 miles in 30 minutes one night (actually 29 min 40 seconds, but who's counting) and then biked 4 miles in 17 minutes. I was pushing for 15, but didn't realize I could probably hit 4 in 15 until five minutes in and then I had to really kick it into gear, but I was a tad too late. Did that make sense? Anyways, breakfast and lunch good. Lots of water, lots of bathroom breaks. Supper, semi good. Stayed within my calories, but had a delicious juicy Johnsonville brat on a nice large bun and then some carrots and fat free dip. Oh was that brat good! Sodium ladden, yes, but SO yummy! I filled up on food and then kept telling myself I would stay away from the ice cream. And stay away from it I did, but it took me telling myself almost every five minutes to not give into the temptation. However, before bed, instead of ice cream, I did have a Nature Valley Sweet and Salty granola bar which curbed my craving for ice cream and was definitely not as many calories as a bowl of ice cream. And, even with the granola bar, I was within my calories.

A good plus!

Rambling aside, I may bitch and moan about my journey, but it's just that, some griping here and there. In the end I'll survive, trust me, I will.

CIAO! LOVE ME!