{exhausted}

I am just plain tired today. I thought getting up early to workout was supposed to wake you up?! It's definitely made me more tired today, but it has been a long week and I know that I am not getting enough sleep. Naughty me. I've been going to bed too late and then having to get up too early. That combination does not work good together. And I won't get to sleep in at all this weekend. Bummer. That's what five hour energy is for, right?! Ha!
I've had a really good first week at my clinical rotation and I am excited about the rest of the semester. My supervisor said that she was going to try and get me into to see a cochlear implant surgery in the coming weeks and then get to see the testing afterwards. I would totally LOVE that! I think that it would be uber cool! Wait, more than uberly cool, like mega uber cool! On Tuesday I got to see how they program a cochlear implant; however, it was just the device. It was a replacement device for a patient who already has one and so I just got to see the software and such and not the patient, but I'm hoping to get to see some patients with implants this semester. I think it's definitely going to be a good placement for me! Lots of variety and interesting cases! All what I haven't really had a chance to see yet.

My classes are continuing to go well. Albeit, it is only the second week. I need to get all of the due dates written down in my calendar so I know when things are due because we do have a fair amount of homework this semester despite only having three classes. It isn't an overload by any means, but I don't want to get behind or miss any due dates. I am pretty anal about getting things done on time, well actually before they end up being due. It's part of my type A personality.

I feel like lately Jay and I have been more cohabitating and co-parenting then actually being together. I'm sure a part of that has to deal with the fact that we are home less together now as well since the semester has started. I don't get home until 6ish on Tuesday nights and 7ish on Wednesday nights and then we eat, I work out, and by the time that is all done and over with all I want to do at the end of those days is just relax and watch some TV before going to bed. I know that we need to make more of an effort to spend more time together, but it just never happens. He's playing his stupid games downstairs and I'm upstairs watching TV, doing school stuff, or on my computer. It's a struggle. Something else that I need to learn how to prioritize a little better is making the time I do get to spend with Ayden a little more special. As with Jay, when I get home later at night now, we don't get to see each other too much before he has to go to bed. I know that it is a struggle that every working parent faces so I know that I am not alone. I need to learn to work with my guilt and make the time that we do get to spend together more meaningful. And I try, I do try. It's a learning process and I wax and wane at it at different times.

One thing I didn't realize until last night was how much when Jay and I fight affects Ayden. Jay and I don't fight often, we try not to raise our voices at each other, but it does happen sometimes. Well, last night Jay and I were in the bathroom together getting stuff ready for this weekend talking animatedly about something (I cannot remember right now what it was), but we were not arguing or fighting and Ayden pops his head in and asks if we could go just one day without fighting. It was a little humorous, but it also made me realize that he thinks we fight or argue a lot and that makes me sad. That is not the impression that I want him to grow up with.

My parent's got divorced when I was in the 5th or 6th grade, so I wasn't much older than Ayden is now. Actually, he is probably the age my brother was when my parents got divorced. I don't remember much of when my parents were still together, so I can imagine that my brother remembers even less. But one thing I have to say is that I don't remember ever seeing them having a full blown arguement in front of us children. Now maybe they did and because I was younger I don't remember it. But I do remember my mom and her current husband arguing. Having full blown screaming matches at each other and I know that I hated it so I can imagine how much Ayden does not like seeing Jay and I argue. It's definitely an eye opener, that's for sure.

CIAO! LOVE ME!