{i wish it was time}

I'm sure I have shared (more than once) that we are 90% sure we are moving in the late Spring. We have to let our landlords know by the end of Februrary whether or not we are going to renew our lease and the answer to that is a 99% sure resounding no. That means I am already in moving mode. Because I know that an impending move is on the horizon (okay, so still eight months away), my love for our current house is waning. I can't help but imagine what our new place is going to be like. I can't help but hope that it will be a teeny bit better than our current place... I just can't help it. I've tried not to get sucked down into wish land where our next place will be perfect, but it's too hard. The reality is that we may end up back in a large apartment building in an apartment that is half the size of where we live now and honestly that makes me cringe. I LOVE our current house with it's upstairs and (semi) finished basement. I espeically love the fact that we can have a playroom and that the majority of Ayden's toys stay there. I LOVE that we have an office area. I LOVE that we have one and a half bathrooms. I am not in love with the smaller type bedrooms and closests that accompany them (although we do have an amazing linen closet and two rather large coat closests in the living room). I do NOT love the kitchen. My least favorite place in the house is the kitchen. I could go for a larger living room as well, but this house as served us well and I would hate to 'move backwards' when all I want is to move forwards in life.

I feel like I am at such a stagnant place right now just wishing the next eight months away so we can move, I can start my externship, we can be settled again, Jay can have a new job, and all of the other impending stuff that comes with a move can be done and over with. I can feel it all just looming over me ready to get dumped onto my shoulders at any second and that thought literally terrifies me. Our other moves were because we wanted to move. We decided that it was time and we really weren't moving all that far (other than when we first moved up to Point). Moving across town once and then again didn't mean Ayden had to change daycares or docotors or dentists or banks or learning new roads or finding new babysitters or even friends. It just meant a change of scenery and a new address. This time; however, it is going to be different. When we moved up to Point I had just turned 19... I was young and niave (yes I will admit it), but I wanted out on my own and wanted to experience life with Jay and Ayden as our own little family. We've made it work since then and have gotten into a nice little groove. Now that we are older (and maybe slightly more mature, hehe), I think we are ready for the next phase in our lives to start. Okay, so I don't know about Jay, but I do know that I sure am ready for it... it just doesn't seem to becoming fast enough. And this time I'm not talking about babies, although they are never far from my mind. As much as it pains me to write this, no babies for us until after the wedding. And although most people would think that that is the only logical option, we all know I would love to have another baby tomorrow. But don't discount a baby within nine months of the wedding, hehe! You'd better believe it!

And I know that I am not the only one feeling this way. My classmate (and friend), Katie, and I were having this very same discussion just to today. We are both getting married shortly after graduating (her at the end of June) and we are both going to be moving at the end of this academic year. Neither of us have any ambition to do anything school related and just want to be out in the real world. We've been in school for FAR too long. Really, when I think about it, I did 12 years of education (plus kindergarten) before graduating with my high school diploma. I will have done nine more years of education just to get out and work. Typically it is only eight years, but I took an extra year to get my bachelors, which isn't bad considering having a kid just out of high school. And believe me, this will not be the last time you hear me talk about this, ha! It's going to be a LONG eight months my readers... please bear with me as I continue forward with life and find out what surprises and excitement wait for my family and me!

I cannot remember if I shared my frustration with you when it comes to helping my wonderful son learn to read. At this point I know that he is behind where he should be in comparison with his classmates when it comes to reading and writing. I think I was in denial about it for a while. Jay and I had expressed our concerns with his first grade teacher a few time throughout the year last year and she continued to tell us that he was on pace with the majority of his class and that she did not see any major concerns. I think I was complacent with her response and didn't worry or push the subject like I probably should have. We occasionally read at home, but we did not push it like we should have. I love to read and can only hope that Ayden will enjoy books as much as I do someday, but at this point, I'm just hoping he makes it through second grade. We are about a month into second grade now and about two weeks ago my concerns about Ayden's reading really started to hit again. I realized that over the summer I was (yes, I am admitting it) lazy when it came to reading with Ayden. I did not put forth the effort that I know I should have. I kept thinking he was going to be okay. For him, that was not the case. He struggles in reading, struggles to the point where I started actively seeking out a tutor for him for the extra help.

Ayden and I had a very bad experience trying to read last week and I felt like the worst mother in the world afterwards and it hit me that maybe the best person to help teach him reading was not me. We did not click together for this subject. Jay had much more patience than me and took over the task of helping Ayden with reading. I did my part and started researching Slyvan learning center because my friend had a very good experience with them and her son. I wasn't looking forward to having to pay the price for tutoring, but I was willing to. And then... a note came home from school saying that Ayden was going to be receving Title 1 services at school for reading... extra one on one help everyday for reading and I don't have to pay for it! Now Ayden receives speech and language services and reading help. Despite the fact that he is being pulled out of the classroom twice a week for 20-30 minutes for speech and what I think is everyday for probably a half hour or so for reading, I am happy. And I will not be so complacent in the future when I know something further can be done. I am the parent and I know best, or maybe I should say, Jay and I are the parents and we know best! Also, I have tried working with Ayden a little bit more with reading and trying to just be super patient and it is starting to pay off. Ayden and I have been working together and it is going well. It's a learning process for both of us and I'm praying we continue on the right path.

Other than wanting to move and making changes when it comes to Ayden's reading life has been going pretty well!

CIAO! LOVE ME!