{perfectly imperfect}

I know I've written a post like the one I am about to write previously... so if you've read my blog for any length of time, you may have already heard this, but I feel the need to write it again...

I've been blogging for almost five years now. I've been journaling for even longer than that. Writing is the easiest way for me to let everything out... the good, the bad, the ugly, the great... all of it. Writing is judgement free in my eyes (even though I'm putting myself out there on the blog now for people to openly judge me, I am thankful that they haven't, at least not to my face). When I journaled, I wrote only for me so I wrote it ALL. Every nitty gritty detail of my screwed up perfectly imperfect life. When I started blogging I used to write it ALL too. Some of my very first posts were very raw and open... probably stuff I wouldn't consider putting on here today. You can go back and reread all of my posts. I haven't gone back and censored anything. I won't. I'll keep it as a record for myself. Actually, one of these wonderful days I'd love to get all of my blog printed out so I have a hard copy of it. I'll get to it, one of these days, haha!

People can and do change with time. I've grown in the last five years. If someone says that they are exactly the same person from five years ago, they are lying. I continue to use my blog as an outlet for me, but I do censor it more than I used to, per Jay's request... and I'm trying to respect that. Also, what I have going on in my life now is drastically different than what I did five years ago (except the whole still being in school part, lol). I've always been a big believe in telling it like it is. I read FAR too many blogs where the author only paints a picture of perfect happiness in his or her life. Only posts the good/happy stuff. Me... I am not that person. If anything, my blog may come off a little more negative than positive because I use it as my outlet. Of course I am going to post good stuff when it happens, but I am also going to post the bad stuff. I strive to be real on my blog. Real.

If that means being elated about a good grade Ayden got or needing to bitch about how crummy my day at work was, I will. If that means posting about how excited I am to run my next race or griping about something crappy Jay did or didn't do that ended up bothering me, I will. It's what I do.

And honestly... if you don't like it, don't read it. I don't write my blog for you or for anyone other than me. I post it online because I can. It is easier (faster) for me to type up a post than to sit and hand write it. Could I type it in a private file just for my eyes only, of course, but I like my blog. I like sharing my perfectly imperfect life. Do I want and or need a million readers, heck no. I doubt I even have 50 consistent people that come back and read my ramblings, but that is okay with me. I know that you will not agree with everything I write... I know that you will not like everything I write... but that's who I am. Take me or leave me...

I know there are blogs that I read that I don't necessarily agree with 100% or like all of the time, but I remind myself that each person is entitled to live their life in his or her own way... JUDGEMENT FREE!!! And I still respect these people. Once again, if you don't like it... don't read it. Easy as that.

I NEVER try to pretend that my life is perfect in any shape or way or form. We all have good days and bad days, I just chose to post it out there for other people to read. It has taken me a LONG time to fully not give a crap what other people think. I just don't give a crap. I don't run with the crowd, I like to run against it... grinning from ear to ear the whole time!

So, will I continue to post about all of the sweet things that Ayden does and all of the moments when he's being a typical little eight year old not listening to his mom... YES! Will I continue to post about personal moments of clarity and craptastic moments when I fall down (only to get back up again)... YES! Will I continue to post about all of the romantic things Jay does for me (probably not, since it never happens anymore, hehe) and the not so romantic pet peeves of his that I dislike... YES! Because that is me, that's what I do.

Will at some point I change what I write or even stop blogging all together... maybe. For the time being, I still enjoy it, so I'll continue it.

Next up, a fun post about mine and the little man's weekend together! It was jam packed full of fun! Stay tuned!

CIAO! LOVE ME!