{struggling}

I'd be lying with my answer if you asked me lately how I'm doing. I'd sit and tell you that I'm going good.

But lately I've been struggling.

Life lately has honestly been great, but I've just felt down.

I'm graduating in just over two weeks.

I have a job lined up for right after graduation.

I passed my licensing exam.

I have an amazing family.

I recently ran a kick ass half marathon.

And yet, here I sit, down in the dumps.

I'm struggling with feelings of jealousy of others. I know I shouldn't want for what others have. I know that my life is different and will continue to be different from others. I know that we each forge our own paths and things work out in due time for everyone, but just lately I can't help it.

As quick as graduation is approaching, it still seems so far away. It doesn't seem real yet. I have been waiting for this for the last four years and it has felt like it will never get here. As much as I want graduation, I want what comes after it even more... getting married, buying a house, having babies. I can't even begin to count the number of people I know who are doing all three... and oh how I want to be in that group.

Yes, I know it will get here in time. I mean, we are under six months until wedding time! I know that it seems like it will never get here because I have been waiting YEARS for these things. Most people find 'the one' and get married in just a few years, then comes a house and kids right away. I've been waiting to marry my 'one' for almost five years now! I've been waiting to have another kid for OVER five years. It is SO hard to continue to wait for something like these things when you want them SO bad and see almost everyone around you getting it.

Yes, I know. Do not covet what thy neighbor has. So sue me. Tell me you've never wanted what someone else has. Yeah, thought so!

Not going to lie, I've stopped using my wedding countdown as a wedding countdown. I've switched it to a countdown to when I can try and get pregnant. And it cannot come soon enough!

What else is causing my moodiness. PMS? Nope.

The inability to run. I want to run SO bad. I can't. I won't. Still recovering from knee pain.

Two weeks since my half marathon this weekend. Doing a 5K Dream in Color walk with little man on Saturday. Then it's balls to the wall with working out again. Maybe not running or full force running, but definitely getting back into my groove.

My willpower to stay away from the good food lately has been nonexistent. I mean come on, how can turn down Arby's curly fries? Or deep fried fish? Um, not me! Especially when someone else is cooking it for me. Thanks honeykins! And my lack of cardio and strength training means my extra calories are no longer getting worked off. I've been making an awesome effort at keeping my water intake on the up and up though, so that is a plus!

I'm getting married in September and I am making a promise right here and now that I will be a rocking hot bride! So, it's best to get my summer workout routine going before summer hits! Plus, I'm going to have off Monday's and Wednesday's this summer so that will give me plenty of extra time to get my sweat on! Yeah, that's right!

P.S. I mentioned I passed my license exam, right?! That's a whole lot of awesome! A whole lot of awesome because although I may have sounded confident about it to others when I talked about it, I was secretly kind of freaking about whether or not I passed. I thought there was probably a 50% chance of it going either way. Found out today my scores and they were plenty high enough to pass! That's right! And I totally celebrated with ice cream for supper at a local ice cream shop in town. If you know me in real life and know of Scoops... um, yeah, yummy! Best ice cream and they puts lot of cookie dough in my avalanche! SO good! SO worth it!

Okay. I'm feeling better now. I knew I just needed to get some words out of my fingers to make me feel better.

Tomorrow is Friday. It will be a good day!

CIAO! LOVE ME!