{YMCA Freaky 5k}

Two months ago I started the journey to run my very first 5k. All of my training over the last two months culminated in today's run. Let me tell you ALL about it, because trust me, you want to know, hehe! (And even if you didn't want to know, you will...)

Despite thinking I wasn't going to get any good sleep last night before today's run, I slept like a baby, which was good. I was nice and rested, got up at a decent time and got ready.
Jay, Ayden, and I all bundled up and headed out to pick up my mom who was going to join us. I drove, which was probably a bad idea. I wasn't nervous until we started to get close to the race location and at that point I didn't really want to be in the driver's seat. But, we got there a bit early and found a good parking spot.

The weather was a balmy 28 degrees and I wanted nothing more than to stay in the nice warm car, but we got out and I went to pick up my registration packet. I got a cute long sleeve shirt that I let Ayden wear, my shirt number, a timing chip for my shoe. After this, we had a good half hour to wait around before the beginning of the race. And let me tell you, it was COLD! We had all of our winter gear and and were still freezing. My brave family to deal with the cold to watch me run. LOVE them!

As everyone started to line up for the beginning of the race I took my winter coat off and got ready. With all of the people around I could feel my excitement rising. I knew this was going to be a good run!

And then we were off! I think I started relatively close to the middle of the running pack. Shortly after we started I got a little bit worried because it seemed like people were passing me left and right and I didn't want to be the last of the runners. The first part of the path was downhill (as everyone was passing me) and then shortly after that we had to head back uphill and that is when I started to pass more and more people.The run itself went well. I felt good throughout most of it and felt that I was keeping a good pace. I didn't bring my phone with me, so I didn't know how fast I was running. I was just hoping to finish before 35 minutes.

When I saw the finish line in site I really kicked it into high gear and I crossed the finish line just around 30 minutes. I will get my official chipped time in a few days, and I'm thinking it is actually under 30 minutes because I didn't cross the start line right as the timer started, it was a few seconds later. I am excited to see what it is though. Either way, this was by far my fastest 5k run to date!273 out of 764 registered runners!

No bad… not bad at all! My official time according to the chip on my shoe was 29 minutes 45 seconds and I had an average pace time of 9 minutes 35 seconds per mile! Amazing because this week during my runs at home I had been averaging just over 10 minutes per mile. I couldn’t have been more proud of myself!

Throughout the run I stayed warm enough, which was good. It was exciting to see my family at the finish line and I have to thank my honey for the pictures of me. Now I cannot wait for the Color Run 5K in January (even if it is in the dead of winter) and I think I need to officially register for the half in April.

I had a goal to run a 5k by the end of the summer and I gave up on the C25K program not even two weeks into it the first time. It was definitely a bummer because I didn't think I would ever be able to run longer than 30 seconds. But somewhere deep down I knew I had it in me!

CIAO! LOVE ME!

{self control}

I lack any self control when it comes to food.

I try and I try and I try... but when it comes to wanting some chocolate, I got to have it and I usually find a way to get my hands on some.

This weekend was a particularly bad one and the numbers on the scale Sunday night definitely showed that. I know, it is not good to weigh yourself at night, especially when you are looking for a low number after shoving your face full of yummy food all day (and the day before that time of the month when you are retaining EVERYTHING!). But I did it and I cringed. And then in the morning it wasn't even that much lower. I don't know if you've ever been neurotic about weighing yourself like me, but you kind of get to know your body and in the past I could usually lose at least one pound over night, if not more. The more I get my body into shape and the more muscle I seem to gain, the less and less I am able to lose at night. Now I'm lucky if I go to bed and wake up a half pound lighter. Damn this thing called being in shape, haha!

Every day is a new day and today I start over with calorie counting. Lately, I've been eating pretty much whatever and whenever and that needs to stop. I need to start being accountable to myself again!

But I did have a good weekend running wise. I ran 5 miles on Saturday. Five whole miles without stopping with an average of about 10 min 30 seconds per mile. I rocked that run; however, since then I have been having some trouble. My short three mile runs are killing me! It was probably the fact that I was just so darn tired at the beginning of this week. 

I have 'officially' started training for my half marathon and by that I mean, I wrote the running plan down on the calendar and get to cross off the days as I do them. You know, visual person here. This week is week one (I am doing a 16 week plan) and I will be running between 3 and 4 miles at a time this week. So far the runs this week were three milers and they kicked my butt. I don't know what it was these past two days, but it just took a lot out of me when running.

Tuesday's run was kind of cathartic though. I didn't head out until after supper and by then it was starting to get dark out. Running at twilight in the almost dark and then getting home when it was pretty dark really put me in the mood. I might have been huffing and puffing more than I would have liked, but it was kind of fun. I think part of my problem is that I am pushing myself a little too hard. I need to slow down a little bit and get back into a good groove and pace.

I turned my 'key' back in to Anytime Fitness earlier this week too. It is definitely a nice gym, but running on a treadmill does nothing for me. Seriously, even when there is a TV on it, it makes the run SO much longer and harder. I am so glad that I started C25K outside instead of inside because I have heard that it is a lot harder to run outside when you've trained on a treadmill. Now that is not to say I will not be asking my dad if I can run on his treadmill during the dead of winter because I just might when it is 30 below, but I couldn't justify the gym membership at this time. I like being outside too much.

I cannot wait for my 5K this weekend. I know I've said it before, but the closer it comes the more excited I get for it. We have been having some great warmer weather this week, but I think it is supposed to get chillier by the weekend. 

Other than a fitness related update... life has been going on like normal. Going to clinic every day and continuing to learn something new all of the time. Getting more comfortable in my knowledge base. What I really need to do is trust myself and trust that I know this stuff because I do. Plain and simple.

Ayden has been continuing to do well in school. Well, in all aspects except for reading. Having another mommy guilt feeling for that one because even though I know it is something he continues to struggle with at times, it is the one thing we don't push enough at home. Third grade in a new school district has been a big change for all of us. His teacher is amazing, but the poor child has homework every night of the week. We are already pushing at least a half hour of homework after school every night and then pushing more on top of that?! So, I know that a half hour of homework really isn't much, but after an entire day of school... maybe it's just me. Or maybe it's the fact that I feel like I'm the one making sure it is getting done and that it is getting done correctly. Just another thing to add to the never ending list of things to get done in a two hour time span at the end of every day. Puke on that! Haha! But overall, Ayden continues to thrive in his new school. I am looking forward to parent teacher conferences in a few weeks.

My class this semester has been going well too. We are almost halfway through it which is good. One more semester after this... one more! Clap your hands together people, the end is in site!

Jay and I have been discussing things for the wedding as well. It was as if we hit the one year mark until it and the wheels just started a turning. I am happy to report that so far we have a ceremony site, reception site, photographer, dj, wedding dress, and tuxes picked out. Up next is finalizing the caterer, booking the tent/tables/chairs for sure, meeting with a potential officiant, looking at invitation ideas, and checking out two local florists. I know there is a lot of other little stuff in there and a lot of deposits to make, but slowly things are coming together. Slowly I am not feeling as overwhelmed and starting to get excited.

As of this past weekend it was officially only 11 months until the wedding. Under a year! UNDER A YEAR!!! That means (hopefully) under a year until potential baby making time! Gah! CanNOT wait! But that is old news, haha!

CIAO for now! LOVE ME!

{46 days}

46 days ago I decided to become a runner.

For 46 days I have been a runner.

I started off running 60 second intervals.

I thought about giving up, A LOT!

I worked my ass off (almost literally).

I pushed through when I wanted to quit.

I've turned into one of those people who enjoys buying workout clothes more than anything else.

In 46 days I've run over 40 miles (probably over 50, although I haven't tracked every run).

I make the decision to get out there and give it my all.

I'm officially signed up for 2 5K's.

I've decided to run a half marathon in the spring.

And last night...

Last night I really believed I was a runner.

Previous to last night, I've only called myself one.

Last night I gave it my all and then some... and probably could have pushed a little further.

Last night I headed out for a run... in the rain... and let all of the days worries disappear.

I concentrated on the music, my breathing, my footsteps pounding on the pavement.

I saw only forward, not behind.

I felt unstoppable.

On Tuesday I ran for 3.86 miles, SO close to the 4 I was pushing for.

Last night, I ran for 4.5 miles!

I killed my goal!

I mean really, I didn't get tattooed with the word persistent for nothing, haha!

If someone who always HATED running can do it, then ANYONE can!

CIAO! LOVE ME!

{full steam ahead}

Life continues to move forward at break neck speed no matter how hard I try to get it to slow down. None of the days recently have seemed to just drag on, as much as I would like some of them too... case in point, the weekends. With everything in motion all at once and my mind spinning round and round with tons of new things, I am finding that some people are along for the ride and others are not. I am forever grateful to those that continue on this journey called life with me and know that those who do not, were in my life for a reason at one point.

Moving closer to our families has not only allowed us to become closer to them, but it has allowed both Jay and myself to get closer to some friends we had not been able to spend much time with over the course of the last couple of years. Renew those friendships and enjoy some aspects of life we didn't even realize we were missing! For that, I know we are both continually grateful as well.

The only downside I've seen is that I am still adjusting to the lack of down time. The entire time that we lived in Point, I was not working even 20 hours per week. I average between 10-15 hours of work per work on top of going to class and clinic. However, my typical days started after Ayden went to school and were done as he was getting out of school. That meant, sleeping in a little later, and having all afternoon together. Lots and lots of free time. I don't know what the meaning of free time is anymore!

Take last night for example...

I was a clinic until about 5:15pm. Yes, I realize that this is around the normal time people might leave for work. 8am-5pm job. But then I have a 45 minute drive home. Yes, I chose to take my placement 45 minutes away from my house. Yes, I know what I was getting myself in to. But please, let me just get this venting out. So, I get home at 6pm and have two measly hours with my child before he has to go to bed. Seeing my child for two hours a day is not my kind of parenting. I know I've already discussed my 'ideal' job, so I won't go into that again. And no, every night is not like this. Yesterday was just a long day and the last patient was not my type of end of the day patient. I'm sure people can relate.

Okay, vent over. Of course I own up to the situations I put myself in. I am not permanent stay at home mom material. I'd love part time work/stay at home mom, but for the time being, our financial situation will not allow that. Thank you student loans. Thank you Ashley for an additional four years of college to pay off. Thank you Madison for making those four years equal another $40,000. Deep breaths. Haha! Vent maybe not over? I love what I'm doing when I'm doing it and if I could have maybe five more hours in the day, I'd be easier. I know that this is only a phase of my life and I will make it through mostly unscathed. Some days are just easier than others. You get it, right?!

And really, my apologies if you feel like I've been talking in circles for the last couple of months. Thoughts in my head out in front of me make me feel better, even if they are the same thoughts over and over and over. I need to get it out someway and I'm not the typical pick up the phone and bitch to a girlfriend type person. I do better with a computer screen and keyboard. As if making my troubles available to the world isn't being open and honest, ha!

The fact that my night flew by last night, the fact that I slept like crap and kept dreaming about stupid hearing aids all night long, and the fact that my alarm decided not to go off this morning to wake me up, and that I flew out of bed, showered, got myself and Ayden ready in 20 minutes flat and got out the door just on time... I've been doing alright!

I can only feel part of my arms this morning. Thank you Jay. He told me last night that wanted to start working out again. His push, wanting to be in shape when the wrestling seasons starts so he can't get pushed around by the wrestlers. His dad is the head high school wrestling coach, so I have a feeling come the beginning of the season, Jay will be spending just as much time with the wrestlers as his dad. It's sort of a family thing. Anyways, we have the P90X workout system courtesy of Jay's friend, JT. Jay has started and stopped this workout on a number of occasions, and never made it too far through. I was super excited to hear that he wanted to start working out again. I mean, you know me... I'm all about staying fit right now.

So, Jay told me that he wanted to start it, but then wasn't going to do it last night because it was already sore. I stopped him right there and told him that if he wanted to do it, he had to start and that I would 'skip' my run and workout with him. Last night was Chest and Back. OMG! I have never done so many push ups at one time! Rocked it out and then paid for it, haha!

CIAO! LOVE ME!

{i think i blinked}

*Another one of those...started Friday posts, and finished Monday*

Friday's rendition...

It is almost halfway through October. Just WHEN did that happen?! These last two weeks have just flown by and I am extremely happy for that. Slow weeks just drag me down. I like when the weeks go fast, just not when I have no time to myself during the week. Although, that aside, the last two weeks of clinic/work (don't really know what to call it) have been pretty good. Busy busy, but still good. I mean, some days/patients are worse than others, but I've made it through.

I don't know if I mentioned it or not, but I 'won' a free two week trial to Anytime Fitness. They just happen to have one in Chilton. This was perfect timing. I insert 'won' because honestly, I think they gave anyone to signed up to win an entire year membership the free one. Anyways, it was good timing because I had wanted to look into the gym and see what it was all about, what the prices were and so forth. I went in and talked with the manager person and got my key for my two week trial.

I went in the first night and ran on the treadmill for the first time. Definitely different than running outside, that is for sure. I didn't like it at first and could feel it a lot more in my knees. That first night I just ran my C25K schedule, which was run 10 minutes, walk 3, run 10 more and then be done. I eased that out with almost no problem in about a half hour (with the 5 minute warm up and cool down walk), did about 10 minutes of weight lifting, and finished up the night with a 15 minute/5 mile ride on the spin bike. Felt pretty good.

I went back a second night to try the treadmill again. That nights run was supposed to be warm up for 5 minutes, then run for 25 minutes. I warmed up for my 5 minutes and ran the 25 minutes, and then... I KEPT GOING! I ran for 40 SOLID MINUTES! 40 FREAKING MINUTES! I ran for 3.25 miles! That is above and beyond a 5K. Okay,so not THAT far above and beyond, but I was able to run for a full 5K! That means I might just be able to do it for my actual 5K run coming up in two weeks. Getting excited! Of course, this was just on a treadmill, but I kept the incline at 1.5 so semi mimic the outdoors like I had been reading online!

Going to attempt a 5K tonight outside and not on the treadmill... wish me luck!

Other than that, I've been hitting up Zumba with my bestie and another friend on Sundays. We are coming up on the third week of it! I am SO proud of Victoria for starting and continuing the C25K program and going to Zumba. She is WAY busier than me with working full time, being a single parent, and doing more classes than me on top of it and is STILL fitting in time to work out. It just goes to show that if you want it BAD enough, you WILL make time for it. I've just found that some people are all talk and no action. But to each their own I suppose. I wanted it, I wasn't going to let anything get in my way. Case in point, I felt like I didn't see Ayden at all on Monday or Tuesday (or Wednesday), but he had daddy time. Monday was a case of a wedding planning meeting, Tuesday was the meeting at the gym, and then Wednesday Jay took him out into the woods with him.

Oh, and a shout to Victoria if you are reading this, keep up the amazing work and hope you feel better SUPER SOON!

This weekend is full of fun. Tomorrow morning is bowling for little man, then I am photographing my cousin's cousin's wedding. Does that make sense? Haha! I am excited because weddings are always so full of love; however, the weather looks like it might not exactly cooperate with us as I would like it to. Insert crossed fingers here! Then on Sunday it is a meeting of the minds for wedding planning and deciding if we can have the wedding at the place we want, well the reception anyways.

And onto Monday's ramblings...

The weekend just FLEW by! I felt like I had absolutely NO down time and I need another couple of days just to recoup. It is Monday morning (short break between patients) and I am ALREADY counting down the hours until it is the weekend. This weekend... ABSOLUTELY NO PLANS! Well, other than bowling for Ayden. I canNOT wait! Believe you me, there will be plenty of time sitting in front of the TV doing nothing!

I got to sleep in until about 8am both days this weekend, which is 2 hours and 10 minutes longer than I am usually able to sleep in, so that was nice, but the days were so full that I was still dragging by the end. Ayden had bowling on Saturday morning. He is consistently improving from week to week and his instructor says he is doing great! After bowling I had about 15 minutes before I headed out to photograph a wedding with my cousin. You know, the one I mentioned above. We had a great time together, the wedding was beautiful, and it even stopped raining for a little while so we could take some pictures outside!

I was able to get a 3.5 mile run in both Friday and Saturday night and felt awesome. Friday night's run was outside and it pushed me, but I kept going. Saturday night's run was inside on a treadmill and I was ready to give up at about 2 miles. I kept telling myself that 2 miles was a decent length to run, but then I just told myself, a few more minutes, just a few more and then I couldn't stop until I reached 5K status and at that point, I just kept going until I hit 3.5. My goal tonight is to go for four miles. We will see if I can do that. Won't hold my breath just yet, but am going to try. 

No workout yesterday. I slept in. We checked out the barn for the reception. More on that in a different post I suppose. Then I got together with my besties from college... Leah, Kristi, and Robin! It has been almost a year since we have all been able to get together at the same time so it was definitely a catch up! We had so much fun catching up, well at least I did. I am SO thankful for all of my friends. These three definitely hold a special place in my heart as they helped keep me sane as I worked my way through my undergraduate classes. Without them I'd probably be tucked away in a looney bin right now!

But with all of the weekend festivities, I felt like I had absolutely no time to myself to sit and relax. It was go go go... 

Not this coming weekend though, like I mentioned before, NO plans.

Jay and I are considering joining a couples bowling league. Surprisingly, it was his idea! I'll take anything that he wants to do as a couple, just so long as he knows that I suck at bowling, haha! Maybe I will get better the more we play. We've never done any couples stuff together, so don't let him know, but I am kind of excited. But according to him, not excited enough to be home on time yesterday to go check into it. Lol! Okay, so it really wasn't a laugh out loud kind of argument between us, but I won't rehash the details of this one. Suffice to say, things are better now. 

And with that, I ate left over Olive Garden for lunch today, feel like a brick of ick is in my stomach, and wish I would have had a salad or sandwich instead. Oops, but couldn't not eat left over Olive Garden, haha! Like I said... 4 mile run tonight!

CIAO! LOVE ME!

{october challenge}

*Started a few days ago*

As with September, I am doing my own personal challenge in October with staying fit. I have made a calendar that I get to put a sticker on for every day that I complete my workouts. It is my goal to workout every day in October (well except the first and the second since I hadn't created the calendar just yet, although I did work out on the first).

For this month, my goal is to continue working on the C25K program as I am running in a 5K at the end of October and to do the Jillian Michaels Extreme Shred and Shed workout. I will not be running everyday, but I hope to stay motivated to workout with Jillian every day. The workout is only 35 minutes long (which includes the 5 minute warm-up) and I enjoy it. There are two levels and I am going to switch to Level 2 about halfway through the month.

The scale has remained steady between 118-120 lbs for the last month or so and I am finally starting to be okay with that. As I've mentioned so many times previously, I really believe my body is happier here than it is down at 115.

So, I am two days into Jillian and I am definitely feeling it. I mean, starting out a 30 minute workout with lateral burpees, seriously! That'll kill ya every time! It is my least favorite part of the workout, so I am glad to get it done right at the beginning!

Food wise, I still have my days. I am trying to eat in moderation for most of the time and although my meals may not be the healthiest all of the time, I am definitely trying not to overeat. Case in point... we went grocery shopping last night and got ice cream and I didn't have any! Yippie! I probably totally would have had some though if I hadn't had a piece of apple pie earlier in the night, lol! Sort of cancelled each other out.
It definitely helps that Victoria and I are helping to keep each other motivated! Going running with her again tonight!

Definitely ready for the weekend. Hoping to keep it kind of low key, although I think tomorrow will be kind of busy. We are helping my sister move and then there is Ayden's bowling, but I think the majority of the afternoon should be okay. And then on Sunday, as I mentioned in a previous post, I was thinking about taking the kids on a hike, although I think the weather is going to be kind of cold and I don't know if I'm ready to venture outside when it is cold, haha! We'll see...

*Finished today*

It has been a few days since I started this post and already I've failed my mission to work out every day in October. First off, I had THREE workouts scheduled for Sunday... C25K, Zumba, and Jillian. I did both C25K and Zumba (plus a hike through the woods with the kiddos)... no Jillian. I didn't feel bad about it because an hour of zumba took the place. But still.

Then came Monday and I was dragging patootie almost all day and just couldn't get myself to work out after I got home. I went straight to the couch and felt like a zombie until I had to get up to go to a meeting and then got home and crawled right into bed.

To top it off, my weekend eating wasn't the greatest. Wasn't horrible, but definitely wasn't great. Then I really sabotaged myself yesterday. We had pizza hut for lunch at work and I had THREE pieces of it, then some banana bread, then a processed chicken patty on a bun with chips for supper and THEN a big bowl of ice cream for dessert. Sabotage to my poor body and then my body paid me back by increasing the number on the scale this morning. A number I only want to maybe see at night time after a day full of eating, not in the MORNING!

Such is life.

I did it to myself and only I can fix it. I needed the day off so I didn't get burnt out. Working out six days a week is a lot for someone, seven is almost pushing me too far.

Tonight's agenda, C25K Week 6 Day 2 (maybe on a treadmill as I am going to check out a gym in town) and then maybe some weight lifting while I am at the gym, or some Jillian when I get home. We shall see.

CIAO! LOVE ME!

{2013... the year of BIG new things}

Thus far, 2012 hasn't disappointed...

It has been a big year for our family.

We started off the year like any other typical year. Cold winter, start of the spring semester, and then we got to March. In March is when our world decided to make a big change. We knew the change was coming and we were starting to get prepared for it, but I do not think any of us could prepare for all of it.

At the end of March, I became a 'single' parent for the next two months, with help from Jay only on the weekends, as he started a new job that kept him closer to his parent's house. Ayden and I slowly made our way through the next two months and did rather well for ourselves. The time did not go as slowly as I thought it might.

We started packing up our lives and finalizing things for our BIG move back across the state towards our family again. We moved. We started over. Ayden made it through second grade and left all of his friends back in Stevens Point. Jay really found his niche at his new job and I started my final year of graduate school at my externship.

And then the summer flew by.

I am now 1/3 of the way through my externship already.... ALREADY! Jay is continuing to love his job and Ayden is settling in nicely at his new school.

2012 is slowly going to come to a close for us in the next few months. I know that the time is going to fly by faster than I want it to and 2013 is going to hold lots of new stuff for us!

Here is just a glimpse of some of the things I am looking forward to (and potentially looking forward to) in 2013...

First on that list is... GRADUATION! Despite the fact that the last nine years have flown by faster than I could ever have imagined them to, I cannot wait to graduate. Getting my bachelor's degree was an accomplishment in itself; however, when I graduated with that, it did not seem like quite the accomplishment that I thought it would be as I knew that that following fall I would be starting over again at the bottom of the totem pole for graduate school. This time, graduation is going to be AMAZING! It means the start of life in a new world, the working world!

After graduation comes starting my first 'real' job. Hopefully that is soon after graduation. Oh, and before graduation (hopefully) is passing the licensing test! Ugh, not looking forward to that.

It means Ayden will be done with the third grade. Holy wowsers, THIRD grade! Um, I thought third grade was old, I'm peeing my pants thinking about having a fourth grader!

It also means my baby turning 9, me turning 27, and my honey turning 28.

And... it means GETTING MARRIED! MARRIED!

2013 hopefully means Jay continuing in his current job and being happy.

And, what I hope for most next year is being in my new job, Jay settled in his current job, and finally being financially stable enough out of school to start trying for another baby. Believe you me, if I have any say in this (and I know that it is all up to His plan for myself and Jay), but if I could pray and hope for anything, it would be that both Jay and I would have stable good jobs by our wedding date and be expecting a sibling for Ayden by June 2014! ASAP after that marriage license is signed! Folks, my uterus is aching! Haha!

You have NO idea how long we've been waiting to add to our family. NO idea! Okay, maybe you do. But it sucks, more than sucks, for me to watch my cousins and Jay's cousins to have three or four babies in the time that we've had Ayden. Stupid doctoral degree taking so damn long, lol! Why did I do this to myself, haha!

I cannot wait to announce it to our families that we are expecting and to see the joy on their faces instead of the hushed whispers and the sad looks of pity. Believe you me, we could not have had any more support from both of our families when Ayden was born when we were so young, but I cannot sit here and tell you that no one in any of the families had hushed talks about us behind our backs. I'm not naive to that, I know it happened. That aside, both Jay and I know that anyone in our families would have bent over backwards to help us had we really needed it, they still would.

It is unforunate that Jay and I are not the statistic, that more young pregnant teenagers do not end up like we did, both graduating from school and in successful careers and still together. We defied the odds and the typical path that was set before us. But I've always been pretty prone to doing that. Get in my way and I am just going to push you down as I get past you. I don't do road blocks (most of the time), I find a way that is possible.

So, 2012, you've been great and I'm sure will continue to be great these next three months, but 2013, I am MORE than ready for you. More ready than anyone knows!

2013... you've been a long time coming, lets hurry up and get here already! Pretty please

Thank you!

CIAO! LOVE ME!

{in case you were wondering}

Short posts aren't typically my thing...

...but in case you were wondering...

my week has turned around!

I was child free and fiance free for the majority of the night last night.

I got SHIT done!

I ran.

I cleaned.

I folded clothes. (I may have not put them away.)

I ate a piece of apple pie for supper. (And then a piece of pizza later when Jay got home.)

I worked out to Jillian Michaels.

I did some stuff on the computer.

And...I even crawled into bed at a decent time!

Told you, would just take me a little while to get out of the crap ass funk I was in.

(Probably helped that I shot out of clinic a little early, sort of needed that.)

And to top it off, first patient of the day today cancelled, second patient had GREAT news, and I'm getting free Subway for lunch! Bring it on Thursday, this week is going to end great!

Okay, back to work...

CIAO! LOVE ME!

{curl up and hide kinda week}

If you've read my blog for any length of time you will know that I have rare moments lots of occasions where my anxiety level reaches a peak. This... this happens to be one of those weeks.

I could slowly start feeling it build at the end of last week. The stress level was increasing and what was supposed to be a relaxing weekend at home turned into a busy one that was spent not at home. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed every minute of last weekend. As I've said before, one of the perks of living closer to family and friends is spur of the moment get togethers and leave lasting memories.

But, what I didn't get was the decompression time alone with my family that I really needed to rejuvenate me for the week. I feel like I am a big ball of emotions right now and could just burst into tears at any moment. Everything seems to be coming at me at once and all I want to do is just curl up and hide. Dramatic, huh?!

I'm sure you have those kind of days as well! Well this is turning into that kind of week. Actually, my mood is letting it become that kind of week and I've done nothing but wallow in my own self pity.

It has been a busy week at clinic and I am just not feeling it this week. Yes, love my work and love my patients, but can't love it 24/7, can you? Please tell me you can't and that I am not some person who just wasted nine years of her life getting a degree in something she cannot handle because she is sick of it for a week. Haha! Just trying insert some humor here.

Monday night sucked and then last night started out okay, but then got worse. We missed Ayden's swimming lessons, he came home crabby, and I didn't work out. I purposely didn't work out though because I needed the day off. I ate like a mess and then just lounged on the couch all night in a semi pissy mood.

And said pissy mood has followed me to work today...

I'm freezing at clinic today. I have an entire list of things that need to get done at home. I have a fiancé who seems to enjoy being away from home more than he enjoys being home. Okay, that last sentence was a lie. I know Jay loves spending time with us at home, but lately he's been pulled in a million different directions as well... helping people all of the time. People that he wouldn't have helped in the past because we lived too far away. It is starting to get to me, his being gone all of the time (or constantly on the phone, I swear it is glued to his ear!).

I miss when it was just us three in Stevens Point. When someone couldn't call up and request help last minute and interrupt our time (Jay has a hard time saying no), when we were our own entity. Now I know I am being selfish, but what I feared most about moving back to Chilton is slowly happening. I'd grown accustomed to it being just us and now it feels like so much more.

On one hand I know that we have been blessed beyond measure by our families! WAY beyond blessed! My dad and his wife take and pick up Ayden from school each day. (Never mind they'd have to go there anyways to drop my sister off.) Just the fact that there is one other person that they have to contend with for a little while each day makes me so grateful that they are willing to do that. Add on the fact that Jay's grandma and mom watched Ayden ALL summer without expecting a dime! I mean, who does that?! Awesome parents and grandparents, that's who! So, yes, I feel indebted to these people to a certain extent.

On the other hand, even though I enjoy the fact that we have babysitters minutes from our door, I hate the fact that Jay (and myself to some extent) have started to plan things on the same day because we are almost certain we can find someone to watch Ayden, where in the past one of us has to stay home because we had no babysitters.

But still, I know I am doing this to myself. Adding in bowling for Ayden, swimming lessons, zumba class for me, all on top of already working full time, doing an online class, photography on the side, working out consistently, and keeping house. I mean, I know it can be done. Millions of people do it EVERY gosh darn day. I am still finding my groove in this new town, new schedule, new house, new life...
And come tomorrow, maybe the sun will shine a little brighter on my mood!

...maybe!

CIAO! LOVE ME!

P.S. I know I promised some more pictures. People, I have not picked up my camera in weeks! The only pictures I took of Ayden in September were the first day of school pictures. Guess this weekend is camera time! Thinking about taking the kiddos to High Cliff on Sunday! (And there you have it, me adding in another thing to our schedule.)

{censored}

I was so kindly informed last night by my loving almost husband that I should not write things about him on my blog because his mom reads it. (By the way, if you happen to be reading this, HI MICHELE!) This was kind of funny because, first, I already knew that she read my blog, and second, it's not like I'm posting about our sex life. I mean, come on, I'm not that much of an open book, lol!

I DO in fact know that people I know in real life read my blog. In fact, I think my own mom happens upon my blog every now and then. (Once again, if you are reading this, HI MOM!) None of that is going to change how and what I write. If these people whom I happen to know in real life do not want to know about the nitty gritty then they can choose not to read. I've said it before, my blog, my words. If you happen to change your opinion about me because of something I write, then that's just too bad, you shouldn't have been hearing reading in the first place.

Maybe, just maybe, Jay sometimes has a point that I can be too much of an open book online, but writing is cathartic for me. I am not the type of person to just pick up the phone and call someone when I'm having a bad day to vent. I'd much rather just get the words out onto paper into cyberspace. Jay wishes I would just journal without putting all of it on the internet. I can't just stop blogging now, I love it too much. And lets be honest here, it is not as if every time Jay and I have an argument I am posting it all over everywhere. Hardly! And really, does he think that people think we never fight. Um, hello! This is real life! Of course we fight.

Case in point, I got home last night, was in and out of the house in five seconds flat to get my run on and irritated Jay when he was trying to tell me how to cook supper later in the week and I didn't want to listen right then and there. Seriously, like you HAD to tell me as you knew I was out the door to meet someone?! And seriously, it was fine by the time I got back. Our lives are not perfect and I don't try to sugarcoat things.

Last night sucked. Like royally. My angel child lost his ears and was a crab ass, which just irritated Jay and then rubbed off on me, I had no down time, and just wanted to curl up and hide! But today is a new day and it is going to be a better day! My anxiety level last night was a little high. I knew that. I was worked up about all the wrong things and couldn't settle down. I do that though.

Jay asked me last night if I felt better since we 'officially' started in on the wedding planning process. Um, no! In fact, the more I think about it and all of the decisions that need to be made, the more overwhelmed I become. I am totally Type A need everything in perfect order and need control over things. When things do not go my way or how I had planned, I easily get overwhelmed and upset. Wedding planning... WAY to much to think about. So, I've officially enlisted the help of Jay's wonderful aunt as our wedding planner. In another life I totally would picture her as an event coordinator! That, along with the help from both Jay's mom and my mom, I think we might be able to make this thing happen in under a year. UNDER A YEAR! People, it is under a year until my wedding! I never thought this day would come and I know as much as I've said it before, the next year is just going to fly! I mean, we are already in October!

To continue along with the un-censorship of this blog... I am officially halfway through the Couch to 5K program. For a few days I just said screw it to the program and just ran and thought I could continue to build up from my mileage. You may remember me saying I ran 2.5 miles the other day. I did that two days in a row and was getting discouraged. I thought it best to continue with the program and continue to build up my endurance along the way. My bestie, Victoria, has also joined the fitness club and has made a promise to herself to get fit. LOVE it and LOVE her! So, she started the C25K program as well. We've run on the track together twice now and I love working out with someone else. We've also signed up for a Zumba class on Sunday nights.

People, I've done Zumba before with a friend when we still lived in Stevens Point and I loved it. I don't know if it was the fact that the music was different this time or the fact that I've just become that more uncoordinated in the last two years, but I couldn't for the life of me both move my feet and my arms the way they were both supposed to go. I needed to concentrate on one or the other. It is my hope that over the course of the next couple of sessions that I will get better. I mean, there were some points where I was just hopping along and laughing my ass off at myself because I couldn't get it! You should see me, it is probably really entertaining, haha! But doing it with a friend was SO much more fun and I cannot wait to go again this coming week! I think we have friend or two coming along with us.

That is all I have time for right now my friends...

CIAO! LOVE ME!

{my own 30 day challenge: PART 2}

Day 16: ChaLEAN Extreme Push Circuit 1. On the advice of a friend who is mega into fitness, I did not run today, even though, EEK, I kind of wanted too! But I know that I shouldn't be running three or four days in a row and instead I did some strength training. Really worked the arms tonight and it felt good!

Day 17: C25K W3D2! Ran for the first time last night with my new shoes and it felt great! They are so comfy! It was cold out last night... ran with a sweat shirt on and got drizzled on by the rain for most of the part. Was even sort of dying by the end! Hoping that Day 3 doesn't kill me! Also, not so sure I am ready for this kind of cold weather, ugh! Might need to invest in some sort of cold weather running clothes! Bring it on Day 3 though, I am ready for you!

Day 18: Rest day. ‘Nuf said.

Day 19: C25K W3D3! The last three minute run was a stretch for me today, but I rocked it without walking! Next run, might be a little harder, totally expecting it!

Day 20: C25K W4D1. Um, someone please tell me that running for five minutes straight really isn’t that hard… please! Made it through… barely!

Day 21: ChaLEAN Extreme Push Circuit 1. Weather was cold and icky, no running for me! Wasn’t even going to workout at all, but then made myself get up and off my butt and felt so much better after a little weight lifting. Pump that iron! Pump it!

Day 22: ‘Nother rest day.

Day 23: C25K W4D2. Much better run today than the first day of this week… MUCH better! So much better that I decided to run for an entire mile without stopping. AN ENTIRE FREAKING MILE! And that was at the end of the interval running. Rocked it baby!

Day 24: Walk 2.6 miles. Figured I probably shouldn’t run two days in a row and wasn’t up for any inside exercise, so got a hold of a friend of mine who needed to get out of the house and we went for a walk around town. Felt good.

Day 25: C25K W4D3. Took it slow today. First time hitting the sidewalk pavement in a couple of weeks and the legs felt a little stiff at the beginning of the run. Didn’t think I was going to make it through the last five minute run of today’s intervals, but not only did I make it through that, but I continued to run for another five minutes. I know, I might be pushing myself a little bit too hard, but running for 10 minutes at a time after already running 11 min during intervals is pretty exhilarating… Feeling fine!

Day 26: 2.5 FREAKING MILES! People… I ran 2.5 miles WITHOUT STOPPING… just because I wanted to see how far I could go. 2.5 MILES! Um.. AMAZEBALLS!

Day 27: ChaLEAN Extreme Push Circuit 1 D.O.N.E.!

Day 28: Ran another 2.5 miles. Went for 3, didn’t get that far, but my friend started the C25K program too so I am excited to run with someone!

Day 29: Tried running for 30 minutes straight… didn’t quite make it, but ran none the less!

Day 30: 60 minutes of Zumba with my bestie, Victoria!

And that my friends… is MY own 30 day challenge completed! Hellz yeah!

CIAO! LOVE ME!