{enough already}

For over a week now I have pretty much been out of commission. It sucks balls. It sucks big balls! And just when I thought I was on the mend, I get worse. I think I probably jinxed myself. I went from starting to feel a little bit better to ending up in the emergency room at 2:30am on New Years Day! How is that for ringing in the new year?! Bullshit if you ask me! And… we are now on January 4th and I’m STILL not functioning up to par. I went from just a stupid little cold to bronchitis and yes, I AM bitter about it.

Bitter because I was SUPPOSED to run a Color Run 5K on New Years Day with Victoria. We had been planning this run for a LONG time and of course I would get sick before it. Of course I would. I felt SO bad not being able to go with her. This was her first 5K and just the day before I had it set in my mind that even if I had to walk some of it because of my cough, I would… either way, I would be there with her. And then my fever returned and it just continued on down hill and Jay told me that I wasn’t going and at first I fought him, but then I resigned to knowing that he was right and it wouldn’t be smart.

But, Victoria still went and she rocked that run! I am SO unbelievably proud of her for it too because damn it was cold that day!

We WILL do a color run together at some point, and many other runs.

I attempted to go to work on Thursday this week. Yeah, that went over REAL well! And by that I mean I should listen to my body more because I was SO not ready for that. I am still too weak. I am still coughing. I can sit and watch TV okay, but the second I decide to get up and actually move around like I am not ill, I start to get light headed. This upper respiratory stuff really takes a lot out of you. Thankfully my employer is uber understanding. I’m hoping to go back Monday and just take it slow, but we will see.

Not only am I ready to be out and about and off the couch and wanting to see patient’s again, I am ready to hit the pavement again.

This illness has really put a damper on my half marathon training and it irritates me to none other. I know it will probably be another week or so before I even attempt to run yet. That has got to be the worst part of this all, wanting to do it, but knowing that my body cannot. It will be slow going when I start again. It just really bums me out. I never thought I would be so bummed about not being able to run. But I don’t want to get out of my groove from not doing it for so long either.

I can’t even say that the weight loss from being sick is good because I know it isn’t. It took me a LONG time to be happy with my body being five pounds heavier now than my ultimate goal weight was last year at this time, but I know that those five pounds were muscle and I felt good in my skin. This stupid illness has made me successful at losing those five pounds, but to be honest, when I stepped on the scale and saw that this morning I actually cringed. I wasn’t even happy about it because I now know that that is too light for me. I don’t look sickly yet, but still. I know that once I’m functioning at 100% again, the weight will most likely come back and to be honest, I am looking forward to it.

Thankfully, little man has been functioning on all cylinders lately. He still has a minor cough, but it isn’t holding him back at all. And Jay… he’s managed to stay healthy. He has been a great care giver while I’ve been sick. Tending to all of my needs… getting me medicine, taking me to the ER (even though we live a whole three blocks from the hospital), bringing me water, helping me move around, he’s been more than I can ask for. The same goes for my mom and dad. My mom came over the other day to take care of me. Not only did she bring me food and drink, but she did my laundry and fully undecorated our Christmas tree. How amazing is she?! Further, both her and my dad continue to get in touch with me each day to see how I am doing. I haven’t been this sick in a LONG time, but I don’t remember the last time my dad asked me every day if I was feeling any better. Yes, very sweet. And Ayden has just been great. It helps that he understands what ‘mommy doesn’t feel good’ means.

It’s too bad 2013 started out this way, but that just means it is going to end that much better. Each day is a little better than the last and I know that I will be feeling 100% again at some point… patience is just something I need to work a little bit harder on, haha!

CIAO! LOVE ME!