{priorities}

Ayden has a late start day at school today, so that has given me an extra hour at home this morning to get caught up on some cleaning and to do a little bit of blogging as well. I ‘slept in’ until 7:30am and then decided I should maybe get out of bed. My body wouldn’t let me sleep any longer so that was okay.

Instead of working out though, I got up and showered and now I am sitting at the computer. Well, I also got the dishwasher going, cleaned the kitchen table, and put a few other things away.

I decided that I am going to take the rest of the week off from working out. I just didn’t have it in my this week to power through the work outs. They were getting kind of old and my body was just not feeling it. I have been feeling pretty drained all week and so I decided to give my body a break and jump back into Week 6 again on Sunday. Next week is a new week and I know that my body will be craving the adrenaline rush that the workouts give me. Plus, next week I will have a little more time to invest into them. This week was kind of hectic.

I have been kind of running on auto pilot lately and it has been affecting my overall mood, my relationship with Jay, and my parenting to Ayden. Of course Ayden’s basic needs are being taken care of, but I haven’t been investing the amount of time with him that I know I should be. I am a good parent, but I am not being a very good one right now. Does that make any sense? It sort of hit me last night and I got really bummed about it. We’ve gotten into such a bad routine at our house and I am sick of it. Instead of putting Ayden first all of the time like I know I should, I have been putting myself first and working out first more than I should be. I know that I require some mommy time as well, but I need to put Ayden time first and I am going to make a conscious effort to do that starting today.

I have decided that I am going to try my hardest to work out when Ayden is not at home or after he goes to bed. The next couple of weeks it will be easier because Ayden will be at school all day and I will only be working in the morning so I will have time in the afternoon to work out. I have also decided that once we move and I start my externship that I am going to try and move my workouts to after Ayden goes to bed. I know that it is not always the smartest thing to work out late at night because then you will be wide awake forever, but it might be the best option for our family. (Well, at least workouts that I want to do outside of the home.)

Because Jay will be leaving for work by 4:00-4:30am every morning, it will be pretty impossible for me to leave to go to the gym in the morning before Ayden wakes up. I mean, not going to leave him at home alone. And since I probably won’t be getting home until 6:00pm everyday, I want to use that time until Ayden goes to bed as family time. Especially since Jay will probably be in bed shortly after Ayden to. Just thinking about it though depresses me because we will probably get two to three hours together as a family a night. I know that that is more than some people, but it is still not a lot. What does make me feel better is that at least for the summer, Ayden will get to spend the day with either his great grandma or his grandma and since Jay will be getting done with work around noon or 1pm, he will get a lot of time with daddy too.

I want to continue working out through the summer… after all, I have a 5K to train for, but I need to make my family come first. I need to work at rebuilding the foundation of our family that has started to crumble with us being apart right now. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing majorly wrong with our family or mine and Jay’s relationship, but it isn’t going to be easy peasy putting us all back into one house again after two months of being apart. Ayden and I can fend for ourselves and it has made me even more independent than I already was. Jay is being weighted on hand and foot by his mom, I’m going to have to retrain him on how to clean, haha!

CIAO! LOVE ME!