{epic-ness}

Please excuse the awesome title of this post and the lack luster-ness that fills up the post. Life in general has been continuing to fly by at a break neck speed without any signs that it is going to slow down anytime soon. Oh well, I suppose one should be pretty used to that by now. I feel like I haven’t blogged in forever (and it has been a while for me, I usually like to blog every few days).

The month of August is big for me. Not only do I turn 26... not much of a milestone if you ask me, just another year older, but my baby turns 8. I know, I've mentioned it before, but 8. Seriously, come on people, how is that even possible? I look at this little face each day and just wonder where the last 8 years have gone! Although I've probably said the same thing on Ayden's last five birthdays, ha!

I've been going back through my blog and looking at some of my old posts and pictures and I cannot believe where I have come in the last almost four and a half years of writing. Of course people and grow and change during their life, especially as they become an adult. Who I am today is still the exact same person I was when I started this blog, in many many ways, but I am also a completely different person in so many other areas as well. Growth and change over the years my dear readers, it amazes me sometimes.

I was reading one of my earlier posts when Jay and I had been together for just five years. At that time, five years seemed like such a long time and here we are approaching our 9 year anniversary. I wrote a post back in 2009 about getting married some day and here we are, almost a year out of actually getting married. The time goes faster than anyone thinks as a child. I remember wishing the time away in high school, if only to graduate, and now (despite me still at times wishing the time away to graduate, yet again, for the third and final time), I want things to slow down. I am sick to death of watching my baby grow up. I want him to be little forever. I am scared shitless about him becoming a teenager and then an adult at some point. I'm sure every mother goes through these feelings at some point, but my baby is going to grow up and leave me at some point. Just like I left my parents and entered the 'real' world, which I'm still not even completely in yet. Ha! Guess I better consider popping some more youngin's out to keep my house full, hehe! As with everything else in my life, that time will come.

I am most anxious to just really 'start' my adult life because ever since Ayden was born, it's always been a waiting game. Go to college, finish that, then get married and have kids. Well, stupid me decided that we should prolong those options by another four years. You cannot begin to imagine what it's like to have to wait for something like that. Okay, so maybe you can. (And maybe I am over reacting just the tiniest bit.) And then not knowing if it will ever happen for you again. As blunt as it may sound, Ayden was an 'accident'... one that changed my life in ways I cannot begin to describe. One that made me whole even when I didn't know I was missing a piece.

I’m just ready to be done with this pseudo adult life. I want to start my career. I want to help support my family. I want to buy a house and know we’ll be there for a long time. I’m done with everything else. But, I have to wait, continue to be patient and wait. And I will. I mean, it is only 286 days until graduation and 412 days until I am Mrs. Hoerth. That’s right, thank you count down app on my phone! Haha!

CIAO! LOVE ME!