{my bad mood}

...can't mostly be attributed to PMSing. Not that you wanted to know. I thought I would share anyways. Open and honest peeps, that how I roll (most of the time).

It is now Friday and I am in a much better mood. I just needed to get a bitch post out of the way and I did. It isn't new news to me that I am my biggest supporter and can really be the only one who can kick my arse into high gear. It isn't new to me that I CHOOSE to eat like I do and that I CHOOSE to not work out. I make all of my own choices. No one can MAKE me eat good and no one can MAKE me work out. I need to be the one to do that.

I think my biggest fault is being selfish. Something I apparently need to work on not only in this area of my life, but in other areas as well. But friends, that is a whole other can of worms...

I crave the way chocolate tastes as it melts on my tongue. I openly enjoy dessert! Please tell me someone who doesn't!

I also enjoy my free time. I crave that hour at the end of the day alone, comfy in my bed, with the television on. The boob tube and me... we are good friends! So much so that I'm sure it would love to tell you that I spend a good chunk of the afternoon in front of it watching Melissa and Joey re-runs on the ABC Family channel the other day. (To be honest, that show is pretty darn hilarious and I had seen NONE of the episodes and they just kept coming on... who could turn it off with all of the hilarity?! Seriously people, it definitely had me laughing out loud more than once! Okay, now you all know about my secret love affair with the ABC Family channel.)

But seriously, I am selfish, I enjoy 'me' time. To be more specific, I enjoy relaxing 'me' time. If I use my 'me' time to work out, then when do I get my down 'me' time? Yup, selfish. There said it. Can't tell you how much I miss the fact that there will be no more weekends alone when Jay and Ayden go 'home' because we now live in the same city as 'home' which means they can actually come home at the end of their trip. Did that make sense? Ha! I relish nights alone in my, sorry, our bed. Have I mentioned I'm selfish?! However, have to say that despite not getting any more nights alone in our bed, I have definitely gotten a lot of 'me' time with living so close to family now. More than I've ever gotten in a single three month span in the last seven years of living in Stevens Point. Have I mentioned that I miss Stevens Point? I do. I miss it a lot some days. LOVE my family! LOVE living closer! And LOVE that they love my little man so much too! But some days it is still all a little too much to take in. I miss having to take care of everything myself because I like control and I don't want to become too reliant on anyone else.

I have come to the conclusion that I need to stop just trying to jump head first into getting in fabulous shape and realize it isn't an over night thing. Of course I know it isn't an over night thing, duh, but some part of me still wishes it was. Doesn't everyone. I need to slowly focus on one thing and then another and then it will get done. Keep the focus Ashley, keep the focus!

By the way, just in case anyone was wondering... the Jif Chocolate Hazelnut spread does not measure up to Nutella. Yes, it is good, but Nutella... it is SO much better. Yeah, I knew you were wondering. And yeah, I do eat it straight out of the jar. I may or may not have eaten more than one jar of Nutella straight off of a spoon. Choco-holics anonymous anyone? Just pretend you didn't read that, umkay?!

CIAO! LOVE ME!