Pregnancy Journal: Part 2

Part One.

Part Two…

{some new symptoms}

August 13, 2013

No morning sickies yet. One plus. I don’t remember when it kicked in with when I was pregnant with Ayden though, so I’m sure it is bound to come. I do remember dry heaving into the sink almost every morning though for a number of weeks. Definitely not a pleasant feeling.

I am still pretty tired on occasion. I would love to just sleep sleep sleep, but my busy schedule is not allowing for it. I am just tired. I’m starting to have some smell aversions as well. I had some strawberries today that were SO yummy and then I picked up my sandwich to eat that and almost couldn’t stomach it. I ate it though because I was hungry and it tasted good.

Still a couple of weeks until my first doctor’s appointment. I’m excited for it.

{morning sickies}

August 20, 2013

Well, the morning sickies have officially arrived and I officially feel miserable. Are we fully cooked yet? Haha! This is going to be a long pregnancy, lol! Actually, if I’m lucky, only a long couple of weeks. I remember my morning sickness with Ayden and for the most part, it was just that, in the morning. I would be over the toilet or the sink for a little bit while I was getting ready in the morning and then I’d be good to go for the rest of the day… albeit not great, but not puking all day long.

I don’t remember when it started with Ayden either. I wish I remember if it started this early or not. It’s crap. I’m SO excited to be pregnant, but I’m already over not feeling like my normal self. Guess I will just have to get used to this new normal again for a while.

In any case, it hit me yesterday morning as I was getting ready for work. I wasn’t feeling very well when I got up in the morning and then before I knew it while I was brushing my hair, I was leaning over the sink dry heaving. (Because I know you want to know all of these details.) I was smart not to eat anything prior to showering like I normally do because I had a feeling that if I did, it wouldn’t stay down. And dry heaving is NOT any better than the actual puking. It just hurts more because nothing is coming up. Ugh.

And, at it again this morning, although this time it was while I was putting on my shirt. Um, this is going to get old very fast. I would like to be able to go through my normal routine in the morning, not deviate, haha! Oh selfish me, I know!

And tired, good gosh am I tired! I could sleep all day long and still feel like I wasn’t getting enough! I just feel lazy when I get home and have no ambition to do anything.

Today in particular I’m not feeling so hot. I just feel kind of off and would like to just go home and lay curled up in bed watching TV all day. Instead, I’m going to tough it out at work, and enjoy the day off tomorrow.

And another thing, my emotions! I don’t think I’ve had any super weird crazy outbursts of emotions in front of anyone yet; however, I feel like I could. Even today for no reason whatsoever I feel like I could just break down in tears. Okay, so I know the reason, it’s because I feel like crap, but even still. Holding it together or at least trying to hold it together.

{trying not to feel miserable}

August 22, 2013

First things first, my baby turns NINE freaking years old today! I think it’s about time we add another one to the bunch, right?!

I’m doing my best to try and not feel miserable. I think I am anyways. It sucks. Yesterday was the worst day so far. I think it was because I let myself feel like crap. I didn’t have to work, I didn’t have the little man at home, so all I did for the day was lay in bed or on the couch and feel like crap. I tossed my cookies a few times, well tried to because there wasn’t anything in my stomach to toss. It sucked. I just feel nauseous all day long and my mood suffered from it. I think the worst part was having nothing to do during the day so I could let myself feel like crap. Plus, the weather was hot and muggy and it sucked.

On the bright side, today is a new day and although I still don’t feel as great/normal as might want to, I think because I am busier at work with less time to think about feeling like crap, it is not as bad. Sure, I still tried to toss my cookies this morning (didn’t even make it out of the shower this time before it it), I haven’t felt like tossing them the rest of the day. (You know, because once again you care about how many times I do or do not throw up in one day.)

Hopefully, as the days and weeks continue to pass you’ll be hearing (reading) less and less about how crappy I am feeling and more and more about how back to normal I am feeling. I am surprised that for as long as I was laying down and napping yesterday, that I actually slept pretty decent last night. Ayden and I had to get up around 6:45am so he could get to Packer Training Camp, but after I dropped him off at his great grandparent’s house, I went back home and crawled back into bed where I slept on and off until probably 10am. At which time I thought it might be a good idea to try and get out of bed and shower and then promptly sit down on the couch where I ended up napping again for another hour or two. Lots of sleep. And I still slept good at night. Weird, but I’ll take it!

Going to confess here that for the last two days I’ve not taken my prenatals. Just the thought of taking them has me almost tossing my cookies, so I thought one or two days wouldn’t hurt me or the baby. I think I need to start taking them at night instead of in the morning. I tend to feel better at night anyways. Change it up!

{guilty}

September 3, 2013

We are coming up on a month of me knowing that I’ve been pregnant. Kind of crazy if you sit back and think about it. I can’t believe that it has been a month already, but then I again I can because these last two weeks have just kind of dragged on by.

I can’t sit here and write just yet that I’m feeling any better, because in all honesty, I’m not. I’m really really trying not to let it affect my mood on a daily basis, but sometimes it is just hard. I feel guilty about not wanting to do anything with anyone right now. The other night I told the little man that I felt bad that I wasn’t up to doing as many active things with him right now and he looked at me and said that he didn’t care, he just wanted me to feel better. Melt my heart.

Speaking of Ayden, we’ve now told him as well. It was getting kind of hard keeping it from him when he continued to hear me throw up and was getting worried about me and wanted me to go see the doctor. So far he seems to be pretty excited about it. As excited as a now nine year old can be. He does tell me that if I have a girl that he is going to give her up for adoption. He must really want a brother, haha! He also asked me the other night that once my belly gets bigger and the baby starts to move around if he could feel it. Of course buddy! Too sweet once again! He’s definitely been great about helping mommy out so far.

Even this morning as I was in the bathroom for a little while (not throwing up this time), he came up to the door and asked if I was feeling alright.

I have to say that Jay has been amazing so far as well. Taking over the cooking for the most part, doing some cleaning, but just overall being a little more attentive to me. Once again I feel bad that I’m not up to doing more with him.

We did get out of the house for a little bit over the long weekend. Ayden and I ventured to Appleton on Friday so I could drop my ring off to get soddered together, and ran a few other errands. We made it to the fair twice this weekend, albeit not for too long either time. When I do go out, I try to act normal. Sometimes getting out makes me feel a little bit better, other times it just makes me feel worse. The only time I really feel okay is when I’m sleeping, haha!

I have my first doctor’s appointment next week and I’m hoping that maybe she can give me something to help with this overall feeling of crappiness. I really don’t want to feel like crap for the wedding and the honeymoon. That is all that I’m worried about.

I really just want the wedding over with right now too because I’m so not in the mood for anymore of putting crap together. Thankfully my mom and sister hopefully coming over this weekend to help with what I hope is going to be the last of everything. Keeping my fingers crossed! Just ready for the big day!

{fourth week}

September 9, 2013

I’m entering the fourth week of this morning sickness crap. It’s rough. I’m really trying to work through it, but when it comes to being sick and not feeling good, honestly I am just a big baby. I hate it. I’m trying to be grateful for this pregnancy and I am, I really am, but it’s hard for me. When I feel like crap, it shows. I want sympathy, haha! I just want to feel better/more normal again. As I’m working my way through this 8^th week of pregnancy, I know that there is an end in sight to it, but sometimes the days just seem to drag on and on, like it’s never going to end! And oh how I want it to end. And it’s not even a matter of being physically sick or throwing up all of the time, it’s the simple matter of just overall feeling like crap. So bloated and like you have to throw up, but then you don’t actually do it. Oh, trust me, I could make myself, but that certainly isn’t any fun either. I’d rather much keep what I ate for lunch in my stomach. Not that you care to know that.

Over the weekend I told my mom about the pregnancy. Turns out I didn’t need to be nervous or worried about anything. Go figure, haha! I know it was just my irrational thinking that made me feel that way. She is genuinely happy and excited for us. Okay, so she is genuinely happy and excited to be able to spoil another grandbaby, hehe! Just kidding!

We also found out that Ayden spilled the beans to Alexis and on purpose. Yeah, my little man can’t keep a secret. Just like we thought! But it made me secretly excited to know that he was excited to tell someone else as well! And of course Alexis is excited for a new baby! I think we’ll probably tell my dad and Wendy at some point this week and then let Jay decide on when to tell his parents. Preferably before the wedding because I’d like to post a picture of something during the honeymoon and I don’t really want his parents finding out via Facebook and/or from someone else who found out via Facebook. I’ll have to talk to him about it.

{first doctor’s appointment}

September 16, 2013

I had my first doctor’s appointment last Wednesday and it went over very well. I’ll get to the exciting stuff first. I got to see the baby on the ultrasound! It definitely made the whole thing seem more real. It was too early to actually hear the heartbeat, but I could see it on the screen beating away and I could see the little arms and legs moving. Before the ultrasound I was worried that something might be wrong (not that anything in particular gave me that feeling or that I should have felt that way), but you just never know until you see it on the screen. The ever present morning (all day) sickness should have been a good indication that something was right, but you know… or maybe you don’t. The risk of miscarriage is the highest in the first trimester and I just wanted everything to be good. Oh, and for the record… there is only one baby. My dad is a twin and there are twins on Jay’s side of the family, so needless to say, we could have been blessed with twins. At least not this time around, haha! (Not that I’ll be ready to repeat this all day sickness again anytime soon!)

My doctor was great. I decided to go with the same doctor that I had for Ayden because, first, she was in network (well when I get added to Jay’s insurance this week), I loved her with Ayden, she still practices, AND, I can see her in Chilton! When I was first deciding on a doctor, I had considered possibly finding someone in the Sheboygan area because that is closer to my work; however, even though Appleton and Sheboygan are probably the same distance away, Appleton just seems closer and I’m more familiar with it. Plus, given that I’ll be able to have most of my appointments not in Appleton, it works for me. Anyways, my doctor was just as great as I remembered her to be from almost 10 years ago, which is awesome! She was able to prescribe me some medication for the all day sickness which has definitely helped. I don’t necessarily feel normal again (although I’m not sure if I’ll feel normal again until after the baby is born), I do feel better than I did without it. I am better able to function throughout the day without the extreme constant nausea I was feeling before. I’d still prefer to just be sleeping all of the time because that is the only time I do feel normal; however, that just doesn’t work. I am certainly praying that this morning sickness thing just sticks around through the rest of the first trimester and when I hit the second one, I’m feeling more like myself.

I miss being more active. I miss running. I miss biking. I miss just getting outside and walking. None of that, NONE of it sounds appealing to me right now. It is definitely a bummer! I SO want to enjoy this pregnancy, but when the only real symptom of even being pregnant (besides a belly that just looks fat right now) is being sick 24/7, it’s hard, both mentally and physically.

Jay and I are getting married in a week and I feel like all we’ve done lately in argue about the lack of attention I’ve been giving him. I know he doesn’t get it. And believe me, it’s not that I don’t want to be near him or be with him, it’s just that I physically can’t stomach it right now. I can’t handle being touched or leaned on, or held around the waist. It’s painful. Once again, both physically and emotionally. I think he thought that once I got the medication from the doctor it was going to be a cure all and I was going to feel 100% again and I don’t and I’m sorry for that. I wish he could experience what I am going through so he could actually sympathize or empathize or whatever. Overall, I just don’t think he gets it, even though he tries to. I mean, he’s been great. He’s ran out on more than one occasion for something I’ve wanted/needed (albeit I haven’t had to have him do it at midnight yet, haha). Our house is definitely messier than normal because I’ve discovered that I’m the house cleaner at our place and Jay just has other priorities. At this point I’m pretty much whatever about it because I don’t want to argue. Another reason why I hopeful that I’ll feel better post first trimester… so I can get my house back to looking like it was a few weeks ago. I don’t do well with messes, but right now I’m just kind of looking past everything, sitting in my favorite spot on the recliner and just trying to feel better.

Over the weekend we told Jay’s parents and my dad and Wendy about the baby. They all seemed excited. Alexis did good at keeping her secret from my dad and Wendy, hehe!

My official due date has been marked as 4-17-14, so I’m still kind of holding out hope that baby will come a few days early and we can make it 4-14-14, haha! I was two days late with Ayden when my water broke and ended up having to get Pitocin because I wasn’t contracting. I don’t remember much about my labor and delivery with him, other than it was painful, I got the drugs as soon as I could, and that they had to help deliver him with the vacuum. Oh, and Jay or a nurse or a family member or friend changed all of his diapers while in the hospital because I didn’t change any. We had a lot of visitors and hoopla when we were in the hospital with Ayden and I think I want to do things a little differently this time around. There is still a lot of time to decide, but yeah, I’m thinking different.

I do think that we will find out what gender this baby is and tell people. I had thought about not finding out because it would be a fun surprise; however, I am just too much of a planner to go that route and I don’t think that Jay would want to wait. But, I think we are going to keep our name options to ourselves and keep that a surprise. That, and there are currently four other pregnant family members that will have babies before me and I don’t want to decide on names, tell people, and then have one of them use it. Although, of those four, I do know that one is having a girl and using a name that wasn’t on our list, and one is having a boy and using a name that starts with ‘F’ and we have no ‘F’ names on our list either. So, we’re just waiting on two other babies, one of which isn’t going to be born until March, haha! Honestly though, we kind of have a girl’s name nailed down already and are pretty confident that no one is going to use it. Our boys name is still way up in the air. And that’s not to say things couldn’t change before baby gets here either!

Stay tuned for Part 3.

CIAO! LOVE ME!