{motivation}

I was bumming on the couch the other night in my favorite spot (who am I kidding, when I'm not at work or sleeping in my bed, most often you'll find me in the end spot on the couch) and I was scrolling through some old pictures from this past summer on my phone and reveling in how good I looked. Does that sound vain? Probably. I didn't fully realize it at the time, but I was in the best shape of my life. I was at a point in my life where I was happy with how my body looked and I knew it was headed in the right direction. I was proud of what I had accomplished with my running and just physical fitness in general.

 

I've decided that I'm going to use those photos as motivation post baby. I've given up all thought on working out while pregnant. I'm just not feeling up to par enough to even want to work out (serious lack of any motivation) and I know that at this point with not working out for the last 10-11 weeks, my endurance is probably back next to nil and I know I've lost muscle tone. I'm starting to become okay with that. One thing you don't want to do is take a picture of your pre baby body and put it next to a picture of your growing a baby body, it just depresses you, haha! Okay, it didn't depress me, but it was a little harder to look at. There are definitely days (now that the emerging baby bump starting to come out of hiding) that I look down at that growing bump in amazement and think, wow, I'm growing a little human in there. I will often lay in bed at night with my hand on my stomach often wondering if that little blip I felt was the baby or just gas bubbles. I'm still not certain, but that's okay. I know it will come soon and I'm so looking forward to it. And there are moments when I look down and think, wow, how can someone's body change so much in just 16 weeks already! Do all pregnant women sit and just rub their bellies throughout the day, or is it just me? Is it too early to be doing that, haha!

 

I wish I would have written more during Ayden's pregnancy. I'll have to go back and look through my journals, but I think I stopped writing after just a few months pregnant and because I tried to hide it for so long, I know I didn't write about it in the early stages just in case someone would have happened to get their hands on my journal and read it. I don't remember a lot from his pregnancy. I know that has to do with the fact that it was ten years ago, but I also know that it has to do with the fact that I didn't want to remember because I shouldn't have been pregnant at that time. I would like to know when I felt him starting to move around. What I felt like throughout the whole pregnancy, etc, etc... but alas that's okay.

 

I've waited so many years to have another baby and there are days where I'm still in disbelief that it is happening. That ten years later it happened so easily for us, when I know there are couples who struggle and struggle and may never get pregnant. I know I've written about this before, but life was always wait wait wait, or at least it seemed like it to me. Jay and I were a family with Ayden, but we weren't really living a 'real' life because of school and not being married and so on and so forth. And after years and years of what seemed like being stuck in a standstill, it's all happening to us now. It's like the gates have opened, someone said you can pass go, and please remember to say 'I do' and start your family! The things we've been waiting for are all/have come true. We've kind of come full circle in a way. What I've witnessed my family and friends go through in the 'typical' ways of life has finally graced our lives. What I've been secretly jealous about for so many years. We are married. We live in a great community and house (albeit we still rent). We both have great jobs. Ayden is thriving. We are adding another miracle to our family. We are getting a puppy. It's like after all this time, there is no more waiting.  We are actually doing the 'typical' life things. (Not that I'm a follow the grain kind of person.) I feel incredibly blessed. I've felt incredibly blessed for a LONG time!

 

Jay and I could have easily fallen into the 'typical' (and I hate writing that; however, statistics show it's true) teen parent rolls. Not finishing high school, not going to college, not staying together, etc etc etc. But we pushed through. Our families stood by our sides and wouldn't let us not succeed. At the time I found out I was pregnant Jay and I had only been together for a few months. We had NO idea where our future was headed together without a baby, and then throwing one into the mix while still in high school! But we held on to each other and pushed through. And now ten years later, we're finally married. Now if I could just get him to agree on a baby name with me! Ugh, men!

 

CIAO! LOVE ME!