Feeling Lousy

This look pretty much sums up my current mood. Thankfully it doesn’t sum up Ayden’s mood since it was pure coincidence that I got this face as I was snapping away… but it does do a good job at depicting how I’m feeling at this moment. I got the following shot about thirty seconds later… (although I don’t always like the sassiness that comes along wit it)! We didn’t have super crappy rainy weather here today, but dreary enough to make me feel kind of down… rainy weather has a way of doing that to me. And well, I’m just not looking forward to tomorrow… the long day of the week. I hope I don’t always dread Wednesdays.

My day started out good enough. I had a good time at work before having to come home so Jay could go to class. I got a lot done which was good as well.

Then it was off to the dentist with Ayden where that went well. We go back in two weeks to get the rest of the work done. I think part of my crummy mood is feeling like a cruddy mom for letting his teeth get so bad in the first place. I’m in no means perfect and don’t necessarily try to be, but I feel like it is my fault. And really it is… I mean I’m the responsible adult who should have kept an eye on that stuff. Like it doesn’t matter that Jay is the parent too… like he can’t take some of the ‘blame’. I could say he is just as responsible, which he is, but he doesn’t feel the guilt like I do. I don’t know.

In any case, Ayden was a champ at the dentist and has no worries about going back in two weeks, which is great!

After his dentist appointment we came home and relaxed a bit before eating lunch since he wasn’t supposed to eat right away. A yummy lunch of mac and cheese and then some movie watching before my mom stopped in for an hour to visit on her way up north for a week with her friend! Nice little visit…

The rest of the afternoon was pretty laid back. Ayden was definitely not in shape to have gone to school after his dentist appointment so it was good that I kept him home. He wasn’t in pain, but he was all numbed up and he laid down for quite a while after we got home. He probably would have been pretty out of it at school. His next appointment is later in the afternoon so he will be able to go to school for the first half of the day.

I was kind of moody when Jay got home. Ayden was starting to act up a little bit and I wasn’t in the mood to deal with it, but Jay didn’t help any. He pretty much just picked on me and made it worse. Sometimes I wish that Jay would just take some initiative and ask Ayden to play with him. He is definitely good in the way of taking care of Ayden’s needs… getting him food, helping him shower, getting him ready in the morning, turning on cartoons for him, etc… but its the actual playing with him that I don’t ever see. Of course they rough house and wrestle, but then I’m always worrying about Ayden getting hurt. And Ayden does help Jay fix stuff so they have that ‘bonding’ time, but I never see Jay getting down on the floor and playing a game with him, working on his letters with him, reading with him, going outside and playing soccer with him. And if it does happen, then its because I said something about him not doing it and then he’s doing it with a chip on his shoulder. I guess I’m kind of bitter about that. Jay’s really good at getting Ayden set up with something, but then retreating to his computer.

I won’t deny doing that at times too, more than I should, I know. Every parent needs a little ‘me’ time if you want to call it that and we all know that I enjoy some ‘me’ time, but I also put my computer aside for Ayden more than Jay does. I play games with him etc…

And I don’t mean this to sound all bad and negative or that Jay is some negligent parent or something because he is DEFINITELY NOT! And he does work a LOT more than I do and provides for our family in that way. So in essence, shouldn’t I be fulfilling my job as the parent at home and taking care of the child? It just gets to me sometimes… I know that I should talk to him about it and sometimes I do, but I have a hard time making it come off in a nice way. I try not to be judgmental sounding, but don’t always make the best impression.

*Total side note… remember the other day when I was complaining about my shift key not working… well it is working again! Don’t ask me how or when it started working, but as I was typing this post I hit it and was like ‘wow, that pressed down really easily!’ I thought maybe it was just the quick way that I pressed it so I went to hit it again and YUP it works! Yeah, I’m so happy because here I thought I was going to have to put up with a crap shift key for the next however many years I’ll have this computer!

I’m not ready to have class tomorrow. I like my short Mondays and even shorter Tuesdays… long Wednesdays are no fun, but hopefully tomorrow I won’t get a call about my son taking the bus home when he shouldn’t be! Definitely writing that note in the morning! Not going to worry about that happening again!

Ah, feeling better already. I love how writing sort of soothes my soul sometimes!

CIAO! LOVE ME!