{praxi-fied}

All of my 'studying' culminated in me taking the Praxis test bright and early this morning. A few weeks from now I should know if I passed or failed. I walked out of the test thinking I did okay, but I don't really know. I don't feel like I totally bombed the test, so that is probably good, right?! I am just glad to have it over, even if it is only for the time being (you know, if I end up having to take it again). One more thing I get to cross off my list to do. I think the only things left are one assignment, finishing touches on the capstone paper, and finishing up the capstone presentation and then its time to celebrate! I should be counting down the hours by now, I am that anxious for it to be done, but I'm not.

I only have one more weekend to make it through where I can make myself feel guilty for not being productive for school, haha! Two more weeks of icky school related things. I know that after my actual presentation is over with I will have a HUGE weight lifted off my shoulders... a HUGE weight! That weekend is going to be a great weekend. We get the keys to our new place that Saturday and it is my sister's graduation party so we will be able to celebrate for that. The the next day is Mother's Day, so we'll get to spend some time with my mom.

Speaking of my mom... she is going to come help pack some more next weekend. Can we say awesomeness again! We got SO much done when she came up a few weeks ago. The plan this time is to get everything out of the basement and into the garage and to clean the basement. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to get the whole basement empty and cleaned. One less part of the house to worry about. I don't think it will take much to clean the actual basement though, at least I am hoping now. We will see how far we can make it. My mom and I are usually pretty good at keeping each other on task (plus she is a much better motivator than Jay, haha!).

I feel a little guilty about my eating habits this week... they haven't been super on par and it makes me feel bad. I was lacking on the willpower EXTEREMELY bad and despite the fact that I didn't over eat or over stuff myself everyday, it was definitely not one of my finer weeks. I know that some bad days are okay and I know that this week is a new week and I will try harder. On the other hand, I powered through my workouts this week and finished out Week 5 tonight (at Jay's parents house on top of that) with a bang... even after I kept telling myself I wasn't going to work out. But my mood wasn't too good to begin with and I knew that not working out and continuing to sit on the couch and watch TV would only increase my bad mood. So, I made the better choice, got off my rump, and powered through a Core 20 and Sculpt 30 workout and I feel better for it. It got me motivated to blog tonight, where otherwise I probably wouldn't have.

Jay's parents took Ayden with them to go see the middle school play tonight and let me tell you, it feels nice to be child free for just an hour or two. Love my child to death, you better believe I do, but this week was quite possibly the LONGEST week ever and I needed some mommy time to myself. Granted, I am child free during the week while Ayden is at school, but during the majority of those times I am busy with school and/or clinic. I thought maybe Jay and I would do something together tonight without Ayden, but apparently not. He's busy talking on the phone in the other room. Not like he can't do that while I'm not hear. To be honest, I'm just overall annoyed with him right now. I resent the fact that he is not there like I expect him to be for me and Ayden, especially Ayden. I mean, hello, NOT ONCE has he asked to talk to Ayden on the phone during the week while he has been away. Do you not miss your son? It really just pisses me off. And then when we do see him for the few hours on the weekend he just yells or pawns the duties off on me. Okay, so maybe that makes him sound worse than he actually is, but I'm feeling kind of resentful right now. He is living the 'easy' road right now (hello, his mom was doing this laundry today!) and I'm not. So maybe I'm feeling VERY resentful. Yes, I know it is what is best for our family right now and he is making money, but that doesn't mean it makes me feel any better. I'm not getting used to him being gone, I'm just getting more upset about it each week. It's not even like Ayden is a handful (most of the time)... he is actually pretty good during the week and a big help to me.

And then we get weekends like this weekend where I get to his parents house around 1pm on Saturday, he is gone until 2pm or so and then when he does get home he's busy doing other shit and not spending time with his own family. And then he has to work tomorrow so its not like we'll get to spend any actual time together this weekend. Can you see where my pissiness is coming from, haha?! I'll admit, I just need to be a whiny bitch right now. Getting it all out in writing is the only thing that really helps because I don't seem to have any friends who really get it or that I feel I should burden with my whininess.

Then to top off my craptastic weekend, we dropped a few things off at the new house today and there has been LITTLE to NO progress since the last time I saw it... THREE WEEKS ago! Hello, I'm pretty sure I need a kitchen in my house! Yes, they still have two weeks to finish it up, but I was really excited to see some progress today. Guess not. Guess I will just have to wait until we get the keys two weeks from now. I'm impatient, haha! (And have I mentioned a little whiny tonight?! Haha! Probably pre-pmsing, lol!)

Oh wait, there is one more thing that pissed me off tonight. So, I have a photo shoot tomorrow and it is before Jay gets home from work so earlier in the week I asked him to see if his mom was going to be able to watch Ayden while I went to the shoot and so I asked him today what his mom said and HE HADN'T EVEN ASKED HER YET!!! Seriously, what the fuck! Sorry, it just pissed me off because I do NOT want to be the people always relying on their family AT THE LAST MINUTE to watch my child. What if they had plans. Oh you had plans. Guess what... THEY HAD PLANS! And now because his mom is MORE than awesome, they most likely will cancel their plans to be able to watch Ayden for us. Had I known they had plans ahead of time, I would definitely had called my mom or dad and asked if they were available. We usually only ask Jay's parents because we are already at their house and it is easier just to keep Ayden there. Ugh, it irritated the piss out of me and now I feel bad for his parents giving up their plans because Jay couldn't remember to ask ahead of time. Its not like he has anything else to worry about like picking up the house, doing dishes, washing his own clothes, or even his son. Gah!

Sick of my whiny bitchy self yet? I am... I apologize for the whininess. I know my life is WAY better than SO many around me and I really have NOTHING to complain about compared to others, but like I said, I just needed to get it out and blogging is my outlet. Whew, feeling slightly better, might go see if there is a good Lifetime or Hallmark movie is on.

CIAO! LOVE ME!