{family time}

We had a great Christmas at the Hoerth household this year. I love this time of the year, primarily because it means spending lots of time with my family and Jay's family, and let's be honest, I'm kind in love with both of them! We weren't as super busy as we have been in past years with lots of Christmas celebrations to go to in just one or two days, so it was definitely nice to kind of sit back and relax and enjoy our time wherever we went. I'm sad to see the holiday season come to a close, but that is okay because it opens us up to 2014 and I am SO ready to see what this year has in store for our little family! 2013 was a great year for me and part of me is sad to see it come to a close as I remember looking forward to it with so much hope that great things would happen (and they did) and now it's over. It literally flew right past my eyes and I know that 2014 is going to go even faster with a new babe in the house to keep us busy and part of me is kind of bumming about that because as much as I sometimes want to wish time away, an even bigger part of me wants to just freeze everyone in place for a little while longer. (Particularly with that 9 year old in my house because he's growing up just WAY too fast these days!)

The little man of course was spoiled for Christmas. I think he enjoyed most of the gifts that he received this year. It is increasingly harder and harder to shop for him because I don't know what to get. The child hardly wants for anything.

We got some cute baby clothes for Christmas as well! So excited about that! And let's be honest here... are they really THAT tiny?! The tiny man is definitely going to be spoiled as well. It's been a long nine years since we've had a baby in our family. Of course there have been baby's galore on all sides (well except for my dad's as the youngest is about to turn six I think- and now there is going to be one born in March and our tiny man in April), but Ayden's been the only grandchild for a long time so I know that the grandma's and even grandpa's are excited to get their hands on a precious new one! We are SO blessed to have such great and supportive parents!

I hate to type it or even say it out loud, but I think I'm coming down with a cold. I don't do well with a cold while I am NOT pregnant and am able to dope up with my usual cocktail of Dayquil or Nyquil and now that I'm knocked up, I can't have either of those. I can have some Tylenol, but when I went in search of that last night, all I could find in our house was Advil... which I think is a no no (I lost my list of approved medications). So, no go on the Advil (at least until I talk to my doctor). Instead I saw that we had some Children's Mucinex, so I went to trusty Google to see if I could take that while pregnant and sure enough, I can. Tasted nasty (no wonder Ayden doesn't like it), but I wanted to be able to sleep last night. I don't know if it is the cold or what, but I slept like crap anyways and just feel like I'm dragging lately. I can feel a headache coming on and that on top of already not feeling super great, ugh! Complain city right here today! Haha!

Most days I am digging the pregnant belly look, but lately I've had a few 'I'm feeling fat days' and I still have 15 weeks left to go! We are down to about the three and a half mark and I know that they are going to go by super fast, just not fast enough, lol! There I go again, wishing the time away, when just earlier I was wanting it to stop! Stop doing that because you can't get it back! And I'd be lying if I sat here and said that there weren't aspects of the pregnancy that I'm enjoying because there certainly are (mostly the tiny man moving and grooving in my stomach). I'm sure this is something that all pregnant mama's feel... but I am in love with the fact that it's just me and him right now. I don't have to share him with anyone. I know the moving and grooving is the one thing that I am going to miss the most after he is born and then I actually have to share him with other people.

We are just past the point of viability now, meaning should baby be born early, medical intervention COULD be done. Anything prior to 24 weeks and typically the doctors won't try and do anything to save baby's life as the chances of survival are next to nil. Now, that doesn't mean miraculously at the 24 week mark the baby would automatically survive if born, in fact, chances of survival still are not that great at this gestation; however, medicine has come a long ways in the last how many years, so it has been seen more and more these days. Of course I'm hoping our tiny man continues to cook all the way up until his due date, but it's just one more 'milestone' that we've passed and it just means we are one step closer to holding him in our arms and not in my belly.

I think that Drake has really been enjoying some extra time out of is crate this last week and a half while Jay and Ayden have been home. He is getting SO big SO fast these days and even though he still drives me nuts more often than not, I'm STILL sticking with the opinion that we did the right thing in getting him. I've heard from countless people whom I've talked to about getting a lab that say they are so good with children, even the young ones. I'd love for Ayden to really bond with this pup (and I think he already has quite a bit) and the baby to grow up with him as well. There has definitely been a number of times where I've gotten upset with the dog peeing in the house or whatever, but not everything in life can or is or will be perfect. That's just how it goes. He will be potty trained at some point... after all, he is only three months old and really, for the most part, he is very good about going potty outside. And Diesel, our other fur friend of the house... he still hates the dog. Haha! Someday... maybe someday they will get along with each other!

CIAO! LOVE ME!

{before Christmas}

*Written prior to Christmas.*

Christmas is this week and I'm not really ready for it. It seems like it came upon us out of no where this year. I have yet to wrap Ayden's presents and Christmas is only two days away. I just don't feel like wrapping them though, haha! It will get done, it needs to get done, but this year I've been all about last minute stuff. Oops. Too much other stuff on my mind I guess.

 

We got our first big big snow storm of the year this past weekend. So happy that it happened over the weekend and it wasn't a weekend that Jay was supposed to go in and work and that he actually had the day off today so I could take it truck into work instead of my car because that made my drive seem that much easier. I called him once I got to work and told him that I thought we needed to switch vehicles because I much prefer driving his over mine, at least during this time of the year. Although the roads were not horrible this morning, I know that it would have taken me longer had I driven my car, and we are supposed to get more snow during the day, so the truck will help with my drive home. I don't know how he thinks he is going to get anywhere today with my car; however, because our snow blower is on the fritz and our drive is still a mess with deep snow that I KNOW my car isn't getting through. In any case, I made it to work safely.

Our weekend was low key. We switched up when we were going to have Christmas with my mom as we were going to have it on Sunday, but because of the weather we switched it to Saturday which worked out well, except for the fact that Jay couldn't make it because of the wrestling tournament. Either way, the rest of us had a good time together! We opened gifts, had a super yummy lunch, played Monopoly, laughed, took pictures... just had fun! Plus, my brother offered to drive Ayden and myself which was very nice of him given that the roads weren't perfect on Saturday either.

Yesterday was a relaxing day at home. We ventured out in the snow storm to go across town to get some groceries and then spent the rest of the day inside. Ayden and I worked on cleaning the toy room as it really was a disaster, Jay put plastic on the windows, we watched the Packer game, I did some laundry... etc etc etc... just a typical Sunday at our house. I need to be more conscious of the amount of work that I am doing, or at least at the pace that I am going because even just some up and down in the toy room for a few hours and I was a hurting unit by the end of the night. I have just about sixteen weeks to go yet and don't want to have to deal with horrible back and pelvic pain that entire time.

I got some good and exciting news at work last week. As of the first of the year, I will be a fulltime employee. I am very excited as the extra income will be greatly appreciated when the new baby arrives and the fact that my student loans are needing to be repaid now. I am slightly bummed (only for a selfish reason) that I will no longer get to enjoy two extra days off during the week. I 'worked' full time last year and by 'worked' I mean, I was a free intern that did all of my bosses work and it was fine. I don't mind working fulltime, and the plan was all along for me to go fulltime when the position was available. I certainly would have enjoyed two extra days off with the tiny man this summer after he was born, but that is okay. Working fulltime for the rest of this pregnancy is bound to make it fly by which is what I want, haha! I hate wishing away time by any means, but you know... I'm excited to meet this little guy.

I went through a small panic mode last week about having another kid and everything that it is going to entail. Sometimes I wonder if we should have waited a little while longer, but then I think... wait for what?! I don't know that the timing would ever be perfect to add another child and Ayden is only getting older and then why would I want to start all over again once he's a teenager. Certainly people do it... I mean, my dad had another one when my brother was already 12 or 13.... it can be done. Life is definitely going to change (for the better of course) with the addition of the tiny man to our family and I know that shortly after he is born it will be like he was meant to be with us all along. A pregnant woman is allowed to have some moments of panic, right?!

CIAO! LOVE ME!

{2013 year in review}

For the past couple of years, come the end of December I've done a 'year in review' type blog post so I thought that I would continue the tradition and do another one for 2013!

 

January

I spent the very beginning of 2013 in the ER with the worst cold/illness that I had had in a LONG time. NO fun ringing in the new year not feeling well. I picked up my running again towards the end of January when I started to feel better, but I missed my actual 5k run that month because I was sick. I also went bridesmaid shopping in January with my sister and cousins and we decided on two different dresses for the wedding!

 

February

Victoria and I did our first run together of 2013 in February. We made personalized shirts for it and everything, but they didn't exactly turn out how we had imagined, so we didn't end up wearing them. Bummer! We also took our kiddos snow shoeing for the first time in February and had lots of fun! It is definitely something that I would love to do again at some point... although probably not in 2014. February also included more running, only this time most of it was done at the gym because it's damn cold outside in February in Wisconsin and there is often a lot of snow and ice still on the roads/sidewalks which makes it all the more difficult to run on.

March

First over 10 mile run in March and it was like a high of 10 degrees that day! Luckily it was sunny out!

April

I completed my first half marathon and then went and got a tattoo too commemorate it by! Yes... I got a tattoo for running 13.1 miles. 13.1 miles is a freaking long way to run, especially when you started out not enjoying running at all! Sometimes I STILL can't believe that I ran 13.1 miles without stopping. Definitely one of my finer moments. April was also the month that my strawberry addiction started and it pretty much stayed through the entire summer! LOVE strawberries (although right now I don't particularly care for them while being pregnant).

May

I GRADUATED! What a great month May was because I was finally done with school and celebrated graduation with my family! I was hired on as an employee at my externship and couldn't have been more excited to start my journey as a full fledged audiologist! I could not believe how fast the last four year had gone by and that I was finally done with school. It was certainly quite the accomplishment and I am SO proud that I finished it! Ayden and I also ran our first 5k together this month... it was a color run and it was a blast! He actually ran quite a bit of it with me and I told him towards the end that we needed to walk because my knee was killing me from my half marathon just two weeks prior.

June

In June, Victoria and I rocked out our very first 'adventure/mud' run at Edge the Ledge and adventure run it was! We were both covered in mud by the end of it and couldn't have had a better time together! It was definitely fun and challenging and I would love to do it again sometime! Ayden and I continued our training runs this month, even in the super hot weather! I loved running with him around the track every night and just hearing what he had to say!

July

We had family camping with my dad's side of the family this month! I always enjoy going camping with my dad's side of the family and this year was no exception. We went to a great place, had overall pretty great weather, and ate WAY too much good food! Plus, the company was pretty great as well! Victoria and I did another 5k run and I finished it under 30 minutes and allowed myself the piece of apple pie they were handing out at the end. I really pushed myself this race and it was the last one that I ran really hard. My sister, her boyfriend, Ayden, and I hit up the Milwaukee Zoo this month as well, got rained on for a little while, and had lots of fun seeing all of the animals, especially the gorilla who was having a bad attitude day, haha!

August

I found out at the beginning of this month that our family of three was going to become a family of four! I was SO excited to share the news with Jay and eventually Ayden because we cannot keep anything secret at our house for very long, haha! I had a slight inkling that something may be up because shortly before I found out I was pregnant, I was SO tired and SO hungry and that just wasn't normal for me! I also celebrated by 27th birthday by doing my very first Dirty Girls 5k mud run with my bestie, Victoria, ON my birthday while five weeks pregnant. Unfortunately, the day after said mud run, morning sickness hit and I haven't worked out since then. Ayden turned nine and we celebrated his birthday by going bowling with the family! It was a lot of fun!

September

It felt like September would never come this year... we were waiting for it FOREVER! I continued to suffer through morning sickness through much of September, but I also married my best friend... the man who has been my everything for the last ten years and we went on the most fabulous honeymoon together. Ten years together and we had never gone away without the little man before. It was a great vacation and I cannot wait to do it again (this time while not being pregnant and throwing up every day).

October

I continued to suffer through all day sickness for the majority of this month as well which really sucked. I had quite a few photo shoots to try and make it through and did successfully despite wanting to vomit during all of them, lol! Not that my clients needed to know that. It was also during this month that I got to see our peanut for the first time where he actually looked like a baby. I got to see him at the first ultrasound in September; however, he was more of a gummy bear at that point. The ultrasound tech gave me her prediction that it was going to be a boy, but she could only say with 60% certainty that was her guess. I did another 5k this month with Victoria, Ayden, and Alexis... only this one we walked. It went well! I missed being able to run it though.

November

We had a great Thanksgiving this month and certainly had enough to be thankful for! I photographed a wedding with my cousin and that went well. I didn't want to vomit the whole day... just most of it, haha! I did another walk with my mom and Ayden... only a two miler this month. It was the Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving and despite it being cold out, we had a great time together! We also added the fifth member of our growing family this month and adopted a chocolate lab puppy and named him Drake. He fits right in with our crazy household! (Although the cat doesn't care for him too much yet!)

December

We found out that we will be adding another little boy to our family and couldn't be more excited! And as busy as life had seemed for the last couple of months, December seemed to kind of slow down for us for a little while. We enjoyed Christmas with our families and look ahead to 2014 with just as much excitement as we did 2013!

 

CIAO! LOVE ME!

{slowed down}

I finally feel like life has slowed down for us for a little while, even with the holidays approaching. We've had two pretty low key weekends in a row and I'm not going to lie, I kind of liked not having any specific place to be or anything in particular that needed to get done. We've just kind of relaxed and worked around the house a little bit, enjoyed each others company, and got a few things done. And to be honest, with the cold weather that we've been having, who really wants to go outside anyways?! Not me! Although, Alexis spent quite a bit of the weekend with us and the kids did go sledding. (There really is a perk to having the high school football field right behind your house.) I didn't go sledding, but I went with them to watch them and took Drake with us, but we didn't stay out too long because he got cold fast. Poor puppy. But he needed some outside time. After a few times down the big hill, I shoo'd the kids to the smaller hill that is closer to our house and I took the dog home and watched them sled from the warmth of my living room couch. They were essentially in our backyard (if we had one) with only a chain link fence separating us. They had fun and I think it tired them out a little bit as well.

 

Overall I continue to feel alright. Not great, not horrible. Tiny man continues to grow and I'm feeling kicks and punches regularly now. The best part of my day by far. I sit and look at the belly and wonder how it can get any bigger and know that it is going to. How did I ever make it through my first pregnancy with Ayden. I don't think I'm a good pregnant lady, haha! I think one of the worst parts now is feeling so full all of the time and feeling like I can't get a full deep breath. The outcome is wonderful, the duration of the cooking, I'll make it through... but I probably won't enjoy it as much as the next woman. But the weeks continue to fly by and I know that January is going to be here before I know it, then February, and March, and then April. Because seriously, time does fly these days! It seems like one week is just starting and before we know it, it is over! And usually I am all for time to slow down, but right now I'd rather it speed up a little bit. I am anxious to meet our little man, but I'll let him cook for a couple of months yet! For the time being, I'll live vicariously through my cousin who just had her baby last week and her sister who has a four month old and enjoy the pictures they share! I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I'll have children and not just Ayden. Another plus... I think Jay and I have come to a common consensus on a name. I'm kind of excited about that. I know it's a pregnant lady thing, but I find myself constantly rubbing the belly these days, just wondering about the tiny man floating around inside.

 

I finally broke down and purchase a pregnancy pillow. Best purchase so far if I don't say so myself. This thing is huge and I love it so far. It props me up in all of the right places and I don't have to wrestle with extra pillows or blankets all night long. I do tend to flop back and forth from side to side quite a bit during the night, but once again, I think that's a pregnant lady thing. One thing I wish we had at our current place was a master bathroom or another bathroom on the second floor. I tend to get up at least twice during the night to go to the bathroom and I can imagine that that is only going to get worse and it's quite the haul to go all of the way down the stairs at 2am. Thankfully, at this point the dog has stopped whining every time I come down stairs so I'm not feeling quite as bad, haha!

 

Speaking of Drake, he continues to do well at our house. He is growing like a weed and we are getting better at this potty training stuff. We still have accidents in the house, but fewer and fewer. I couldn't ask for a better son or husband to help take him out when they are home, especially in the winter weather. Even after a month and a half of having the dog, Ayden has yet to really complain about taking him outside to go potty (and people, it's not warm in Wisconsin right now, so that means, putting shoes and a coat on every time). And the little man continues to help! He is going to be such a great big brother... I just know it! He is SO helpful and such a great kiddo! Sometimes I wonder how I lucked out with him! Don't get me wrong, he is certainly not perfect all of the time... his toy room is a MESS right now and has been for the last several weeks, but for the most part, he's great! Sometimes in the last few months I've felt like I haven't been the best mother that I could be to him because I've been so out of sorts, but then something will happen and I know that I'm doing everything right. And sometimes, I just sit and stare. I have a nine year old... an almost nine and a half year old. How is that even possible? How have I had a child for the last nine and a half years?! I mean, really... it is just crazy! We made it through the newborn stage, we made it through the toddler stage, we made it through kindergarten... hell, I'm going to have a freaking middle schooler! Um, NO! Haha!

 

Okay, now that I've probably just re-written everything I've written in the last how many blog posts over again for the umpteenth time...

 

CIAO! LOVE ME!

{random facts}

Some random factoids you may or may not already know about me...

 

1. The ONE and ONLY place in our house that I am okay with being a total mess is my closet. Nine times out of ten, if you were to look in it, there would be a pile of clothes covering the floor of it.

 

2. I love strawberry flavored things, but couldn't eat strawberries, until this past summer. Then I just couldn't get enough of them! I was a serious strawberry addict! Then... I got pregnant and morning sickness struck and now I can't stand really any fruit. Hoping to add strawberry addiction back to the list next summer!

 

3. I don't wash the dishes at our house. Jay does. I do laundry.

 

4. Jay's not very good at keeping up with the dishes. I'm not very good at keeping up with the laundry. Oops. But they get done.

 

5. I used to swear that when I became an adult I wouldn't be a thermostat control freak. I am. Heat is expensive... put a sweatshirt on or two or three! I've become my mom, haha!

 

6. I hate winter. I hate winter driving more.

 

7. I'm terrified I'll go into labor while at work seeing a patient and/or my water will break while seeing a patient. And... I'll be an hour and a half away from my hospital. I know I have time to worry about that yet, but it's definitely a thought swirling in my head. (Someone please tell me why I chose a hospital in Appleton to deliver my baby at when I work right across the street from a major one in Sheboygan?! Oh, that's right, I love my doctor in Appleton.)

 

8. I stare at my wedding ring... A LOT! And still can't believe Jay and I are finally married!

 

9. I can't wear socks or jewelry to bed.

 

10. I hate admitting to Jay when I'm wrong, and it does happen. (Not very often though.) I'm definitely not good as losing arguments.

 

11. I hate shaving my legs and do it as little as possible. It's not like I enjoy hairy legs, I just don't enjoy shaving them. In the summer it's probably every other day, in the winter, it's more like once a month, haha! Hairy legs girl, RIGHT HERE!!!

 

12. I rarely drink alcohol. And when I do, it's typically in the summer, typically a fruity drink, and typically made by my honey or his dad while we are camping. And as a result, I've never been drunk. I plan to keep it that way. Alcohol just doesn't appeal to me.

 

13. I was in college for NINE years! That's almost as long as it took me to get from kindergarten through 12th grade! I'm now a doctor of audiology and absolutely love my job.

 

14. I'm in mounds and mounds of student loan debt. See previous number. I'll be paying it off for a LONG time. I wish we could afford for me to only work part time forever because I would love to have two days at home during the week with the new baby. I could not be a full time stay at home mom. I enjoy my job/calling and my patients. My family would suffer if I were at home all of the time. Working is what works for our family. (And pays the bills.)

 

15. I LOVE to read. Getting sucked into a good book is pure bliss. I don't read enough lately.

 

16. I also love to rollerblade. It may be a 'thing of the past' these days, but it is a TON of fun! I love to be outside and active... walking, running, rollerblading, hiking, biking, anything outside!

 

17. I drive a Ford Focus... what was once my dream car. I still love it. It treats me nice. Now I'd love a small SUV. We can't afford one. Jay just got a new vehicle. We'll be paying on that for a while. The next new car will be mine.

 

18. My hands are typically cold. Like ice cold. Even when the rest of me is warm, my hands are cold.

 

19. I have six tattoos. Two of which are on my wrists that I thought people would continually comment on. Most could care less. I like that. I will probably get more tattoos at some point.

 

20. I a hobbyist photographer. I love taking pictures for people, but I find that the more I do for others, the less I do for myself. I need to get back into the habit of getting my camera out for myself more often. I'm sure I won't have a problem with that once the baby is born.

 

21. I'm a runner. I grew up HATING running. Over the last year, I've grown to love it. I completed my first half marathon in April 2013. I ran 13.1 miles without stopping or walking. Sometimes I still can't believe it. I got a tattoo to commemorate it. I'm excited to train for another one after the baby is born. I think I might run a full marathon someday!

 

22. I like to change up my hair style and often go crazy with it. I've been everything from my original dark brown to bright blond, to black, and even purple. This is probably the longest I have gone in a LONG time without doing something crazy with my hair. I'm SO ready to just chop it off and go short again, but it takes longer to style when it's short and I don't have the energy for that right now.

 

23. I became a mom just four days after turning 18. I wouldn't have changed it for the world. Life may have been more difficult than it could have been for me/us otherwise, but I knew we'd make it through.

 

24. I suck at interior decorating. I'd love to hire someone to come decorate our house, but alas, cannot afford it. We've been living in our current house for over a year and a half now and have very little pictures hanging (mostly because the walls are super old and super thick and super hard to get a nail into).

 

25. I've worn glasses since I've been three. I've worn contacts for the last how many years, but still bust out the glasses a few times during the week. I'm pretty much blind without them. Well, not really, but I prefer to see things clearly, so generally either always have my glasses or contacts on while I'm awake.

 

CIAO! LOVE ME!

{observations}

I had half of my anatomy ultrasound post written out and then it didn’t save, so I’m starting all over, but with that  I am going to add in some other observations that I’ve made so far lately… like the fact that it is getting increasingly harder to get my socks on in the morning, or that I can’t walk as fast as I used to without getting winded A LOT faster. And this one is hard because I have a husband that is a speed walker and it took me years to get him to slow down to a somewhat normal pace and now I have to constantly tell him to slow down or just resign myself to the fact that he’ll always be twenty feet in front of me, haha!

If you don’t know me from on Facebook, then you don’t know yet that we are having another baby boy, of whom I’ve affectionately decided to nickname ‘tiny man’ for the time being. Jay is the main man, Ayden is the little man, and well, baby boy had to be something, so tiny man fit. We could not be more excited, especially Ayden. I get that he is old enough to comprehend that he’s getting a brother now and is definitely seeing and noticing the changes going on in mommy, but I don’t know how he exactly feels about everything so far. On the forefront he seems excited. I don’t know if it’s all quite real to him yet. There will definitely be some adjustments going on when the tiny man is born. I mean there is in any family when you add children to it. We will make it through.

Everything on the scan looked great. We could see the tiny guy moving and grooving. It was definitely unreal. We could see him opening and closing his mouth. He didn’t want to give us many face shots, but he definitely wanted it to be known that he was going to be a little boy. We found that out within the first thirty seconds of the ultrasound. The technician said it was a good thing that we wanted to know because she was going to have a hard time hiding those shots from us because they kept popping up. The good thing is that she wasn’t just semi sure with a percentage that he was going to be a boy, she was confidently able to say that he was going to be one. I kind of had that mommy intuition that it would be a boy. At this point I’m still kind of in awe that I am going to have two children. (Although, to be completely honest, sometimes I still just sit and marvel at the fact that I am the mother of one and that he is already NINE freaking years old!)

Now it’s time to get on the name wagon with the hubs and find one that we both agree on… and I think we are semi there. We talked about it a bit this weekend, I just need to know if he was serious or not. I know there is still plenty of time, but people, we are on the down swing of things now. Babes has officially been growing in the belly for more days than we have left to go in this pregnancy. I remember the day I found out I was pregnant (still can’t fully wrap my mind around it) and thinking about how long we had to go before bringing babes home from the hospital and that at that point it wasn’t even a for sure thing (not that it is a for sure thing right now either), and now here we are more than half way through! This whole thing is still unreal to me at times and then I’ll feel a kick or a punch and I’m reminded that nope, it is totally and fully real! And I sit in amazement again! I’ve literally become that pregnant woman who sits and stares at her stomach watching it move with the baby. I’m sure a lot of pregnant women do. I could do it for hours.

Over the weekend we bought some baby clothes. I was definitely excited to get a little bit of shopping done. We stopped at a local consignment shop to do our shopping. When it comes to baby clothes, I have such a hard time buying ALL brand new. And then I started to look through things and got overwhelmed. It has been SO long since we’ve had a baby in the house that I just don’t know how much of everything we are going to need. And then when I looked at some of the stuff, I just couldn’t imagine him being THAT small! Are they really THAT tiny? You forget when it’s been ten years! And my chunker monker was almost sixteen pounds by the time he was four months… he grew fast… how am I supposed to know if this tiny man will or not?! I don’t do well with the unknown people, lol!

In any case, we did leave the store with a few things for little brother and a few things for big brother (because big brother’s clothes are expensive brand new as well)! And best of all, we ended our shopping trip, which also included a few Christmas gift items, with lunch at Hu Hot. It was delicious (minus the fact that I could only eat one plate and that it gave me what I’m only assuming can be classified as heartburn).

Earlier in the weekend my mom came over to help decorate our Christmas tree. She did the same thing last year, only her excuse was the fact that she wasn’t putting one up. Because she is at her new place now, this year she did put one up. So she didn’t have much of an excuse to actually come over and help, other than the fact that she loves us! SO thankful for her help because honestly, Christmas tree decorating, well Christmas decorating all together, is on my list of least favorite things to do. I’m definitely ba-humbug when it comes to decorating, but mostly because I’m the one getting stuck doing all of the work. I don’t NEED a Christmas tree, but Ayden likes having one, so we do it. Last year we went all big full tree with long needles, which really ended up being a mistake because you couldn’t see the ornaments, so this year we went in the opposite direction and did a total Charlie Brown Christmas tree with barely any branches. And it is the cutest thing EVER! So far the dog has been good and left it alone. My amazing mom stayed after decorating the tree as well and helped me around the house a little bit. I got quite a bit done that I probably wouldn’t have otherwise which was good; however I think I kind of over did it because I was a hurting unit for the rest of the day. My back, pelvis, and lower abdomen area were pretty sore when I would try to get up and move around. Thankfully I felt better by Sunday morning. And the unfortunate thing is that I didn’t even think I was doing all that much to begin with. Guess I need to slow it down a little bit more.

The little man has his Christmas choir concert tonight and we are all very excited for it. He did great singing at last years (plus we had really good seats), so I’m excited for this years as well. Pus, because we live in town now, more family comes to see it which makes Ayden proud I think. And this year he gets to sing during the same time as Alexis’s as well, so we will get to see hers too which is great.

 

CIAO! LOVE ME!

{happy thanksgiving}

I figured after such a depressing post the last time, this one better be more up beat. I'm definitely having a better day, not quite as emotional as I was the last time. Like I said, writing is cathartic and I just needed to get it all out for me to feel a little bit better about the situation. Plus, I got some really helpful words from some other people. Life ebbs and flows, and we (I) were ebbing for a little while. That's all. I'm definitely sure there will be more ups and downs in life, in fact, I KNOW there will be more ups and downs and I'll just take them for what they are.

 

So, now on to Thanksgiving!

 

We had an overall very good Thanksgiving. Lots of yummy food, although I wish I would have been able to eat more than I did. I did end up stuffing myself pretty full at all of the places that we went to. I mean, the food was just SO good! I couldn't stop putting it in my mouth!

 

On Thanksgiving morning, Ayden, my mom, and myself participated in the Turkey Trot two mile walk and had a fun time! The drive to my mom's house was less than thrilling as we had gotten a bit of snow the night before and the paranoid driver in me had to take it slower than I would have liked, but we made it safely! The weather was cold, but we bundled up, put toe warmers in a shoes and hand warmers in our gloves and walked the two miles in no time! Ayden didn't whine once. It was a lot of fun! I'm glad that it wasn't windier where we were because we were right by the lake. Afterwards, we went back to my mom's house and I kicked both of their butts in a rousing game of Monopoly. It was tons of fun! Then we had a yummy lunch and just hung out for a little while before heading home and relaxing some more and then heading to Jay's parent's house for Thanksgiving supper with his family.

 

SO much good food at his parent's house as well! We chilled there for a little while too before I got too tired and wanted to go home. I was also pretty sore from the walk earlier in the day. Ayden spent the night at Grandma and Grandpa's because Jay was going hunting on Friday and I was heading out for some Black Friday shopping deals! And deals I got! Actually, by the time we went shopping all of the doorbuster deals were either over or gone, but I didn't really have anything in mind that I needed to get. I did get quite a few things though and may or may not have gotten a few things for myself as well. I mean, who could pass up clothes 50% off at Old Navy! It was probably a good thing that I was only shopping for maternity stuff for myself this year and not other stuff because I really could have done a lot of damage, haha!

 

It was a long day of shopping on Friday, but it was a good day!

 

Saturday afternoon was Thanksgiving on my mom's side of the family which meant more good food and good company! I got all prettied up for the occasion and felt cute. I even blow dried my hair which was a first in about four months! It turned out good!

 

And Sunday... Sunday was for relaxing. We did not do too much yesterday at all. I organized the baby's room since it was sort of becoming a catch all place for left over wedding things and what not and I wanted to know what was all in there. I relaxed on the couch and cuddled with Drake (he still prefers my lap over his new comfy pillow), and edited some pictures.

 

Ayden and I also took Drake for his very first 'walk' yesterday as well and for being only a 10 week old puppy, he did pretty well. I can't believe that we've had him for about a month already. That is kind of crazy! Time definitely does fly fast! Even more so with the holidays looming and what not. I know that the next month and a half is going to go pretty fast too. I mean, it is only three weeks until Christmas and this week... this week is ULTRASOUND WEEK!

 

I cannot tell you how excited I am to find out whether this little nudger is a girl or a boy! (I don't know if I've mentioned it in a previous post or not, but the ultrasound tech at my 12 week appointment gave her best guess based on some images... she said she was 60% sure it was a... wait, did you think I'd tell you?!) We shall see this week (hopefully) if she was correct or not! I give props to those who can/want to wait to find out until the baby is born because first off, I am not that patient, I am too much of a planner, and knowing ahead of time (at least for ME) makes it a little more personal between me and baby. Baby has been moving and grooving more... well, I should clarify that I've been feeling it more and more lately and actually seeing my belly move from the outside. It really is one of the best things about being pregnant. I could sit and stare (and sometimes do) at my belly now just willing the baby to move. I've been waiting for this part of pregnancy for a long time. I think I posted about that in my last post.

 

Just a few more days!!!

 

CIAO! LOVE ME! 

{getting personal}

This is one of those posts where I very well may never hit the publish button, but it is something that has been weighing heavily on my mind over the course of the last several weeks and I just feel like I need to get it out on paper (or in this case, the screen). I just need to get it out of my head so I can better comprehend some things. Writing is cathartic for me... It is also one of those things that would probably be better off left in my head and not shared with the 'whole world' or even the twenty people that may in fact read my blog because it is so personal and in all honesty, people don't want to hear (or read) about the deep details of other people's lives. (Well, on the surface they do, people are nosy, but they don't really want to know that things aren't all peachy and rosy when it comes off that way most of the time, it makes for uncomfortable situations when you then see them in real life.) But whatever, my blog.

 

Plain and simple, I've been in an emotional slump lately. I already don't feel like myself because of the pregnancy. I'm over emotional about too much and under emotional about even more. Under emotional, can you even be that? My excitement for things is way lacking. Christmas tree decorating? Ha! Can I use the excuse of a new dog to get out of that one this year? I feel on the verge of tears more often than I'd like to admit. Can I blame the majority of that on the pregnancy? I don't feel like myself. I wouldn't go so far as to say that I'm depressed or anything, because I certainly do and am happy at times as well. Looking forward to the Turkey Trot with my mom this week, excited for baby ultrasound the following week... I'm just pregnant and hormonal, haha! Oh, how I wish that was a real haha. I'm just going through a few things that aren't fun. And then I sit back and think, wait, shouldn't I be enjoying this time right now? Shouldn't I feel more blessed. When instead I feel like the days are just rolling by, same thing over and over.

 

I haven't said this in a while, but right now is one of those times that I miss what our family was when we lived in Stevens Point. I miss Stevens Point, but I miss our family dynamic more. I feel like we are all just going through the motions. I am more than elated about the impending addition to our family (despite my physical bodily feelings on that situation), but I can't help but wish we were still in Stevens Point away from everything again waiting for this addition. I love living close to family again, don't get me wrong, it has WAY more positives than negatives, many positives which I take advantage of often, but it's also been an added stress to the way we (namely, me) were used to living while we were so far away. What I feared the most about moving back to Chilton has slowly started to happen, or maybe I've just become more aware of it now in my hyper hormonal state. In any case, I'm not enjoying it, I'm feeling alone, and I'd rather feel alone far away from family than when I'm surrounded by it.

 

We all know that life ebbs and flows and that we need to make it through certain 'obstacles' in life to make it to the next triumph... right now is just one of those obstacles. And maybe I just need to stop being so emotional about things and 'buck up'. I've thought about that. Maybe I'm expecting just too much. And then I think, no, you are justified in what you expect and think. Your family (you and Ayden) should come first on Jay's priority list, and honestly, I don't feel like we have been first for a long time. Now, I need to point out that this is soley how I, ME, MYSELF feels, and that I'm certain the way Jay feels, we are a priority. This blog is soley about ME AND MY thoughts and doesn't portray Jay's thoughts at all. I don't read his mind and can't tell you what he thinks or feels. And should I sit here and put out there how I feel about my marriage right now, NO. Should and do are two different things. Should I do a lot of things, no, do I, yes. Should he do a lot of things, yes, does he, no. Is that an okay justification, no. But get over it. Once again, my blog. (Not that I should even feel like I need to defend myself because I don't.)

 

I am a big proponent of things in our household being 50/50. Given that, I still do the majority of the cleaning in the house and Jay does the majority of the outside stuff (not that he did much this year as our lawn was rarely cut, the leaves have yet to be raked, and probably won't be, there is stuff that needs to be put away, and we have frozen rotten tomatoes and weeds now stuck on our sidewalk because he couldn't weed the flower beds at the beginning of fall). And because I only work three days a week, I am, for the most part, okay with doing most of the cleaning. However, that doesn't exempt him from helping around the house and I don't think it is asking too much to help. But when it takes THREE FUCKING WEEKS (yes I swore) to clean the TINY ASS bathroom that we have, something HAS to change. And the worst part is, he didn't even clean the whole thing! I swept the floor and Ayden cleaned the tub. ALL HE FUCKING DID WAS CLEAN THE SINK AND TOLIET! (And our sink people, is TINY... and the toilet was JUST cleaned by Ayden a few days earlier). Actions speak louder than words right now, and his actions are speaking volumes. And it's not even about the fucking bathroom. It's the principle of the whole thing. I shouldn't HAVE to ask for help, much less for three weeks. I don't think he EVER cleans the cat litter without me reminding him for a few days. Our kitchen is NEVER clean (the one area in the house that is 'his'.) He won't load the dirty dishes in the dishwasher if Ayden hasn't unloaded it. Um, since when is it illegal for YOU to unload the dishwasher. I'm sorry, now I'm just complaining, I know. But I'm sick and tired of coming in number three or four on his to do list. And then feeling like he never even gets to us. Oh, so and so needs help, I'll be gone for just a little bit, I don't want to be gone long... and four hours later he comes home. How many times have I heard that saying?! I want to go hunting, I need to play xbox, etc etc etc... please tell me when you will stop putting everything and everyone else BEFORE YOUR FUCKING FAMILY AND RESPONSIBLITIES.

 

Yes, I get that helping people is a good thing and I'm not saying it needs to stop. I LOVE that he is so willing to help out people in need. I have absolutely NO PROBLEM with him helping people, but you don't have to jump when they say jump either. They can wait and understand you have your own family too. I get that he works hard every day and deserves some time to enjoy himself as well, we all enjoy a little 'me' time (I'm not one to deny him some of that), but it's become too much lately. It's as if since we've moved back he's become less of a family man and more of what he didn't ever get to enjoy as a single man. Now, is he going out all of the time, drinking, spending lots of money, etc etc etc, absolutely not, but it's more him and other people, than him and us. Once again, I LOVE that we are closer to home and he has more friends around that he can do things with, but they've taken a priority over his family. At least, that is how I see it. That is how I am currently feeling. Often times I feel like he'd rather be gone out with other people than at home. I get that he doesn't enjoy the cleaning and shit around the house. Who does?! Do you think I enjoy sweeping the floor, washing clothes, etc... no, but it needs to get done.

 

Excuse me if this comes out as a whiny bitchy wife who just needs to grow up and get over it. I can't. At least right now. I feel like we just got a new dog, have a baby on the way, and I'm dealing with it all alone.

 

Hormonal much, yeah, I am...

 

CIAO! LOVE ME!

{shopping}

I finally broke down yesterday and went and bought some maternity clothes. I've been fortunate enough to have been lending some clothes from some friends, but I thought I needed a few items of my own and you know what, a little retail therapy always seems to cheer me up. I haven't bought myself some new clothes in so long that my Kohls charge has had a zero balance on it for the last three months. That NEVER happens, haha! And rest assured, as soon as we find out if baby is a girl or a boy, there won't be a zero balance on it again for a long time. Sorry hun!

 

So, what's a women with no jeans that currently fit to do?! Go buy some, that's what! And so, I headed off to Kohls and Target yesterday to get out of the house for a little while during my day off and spend some of my hard earned money. Lol! After scouring the Kohls store and thinking for a bit that they didn't even have any maternity clothes there, I found them back in the corner of the baby section. I have to say I was mildly disappointment in their seemingly small selection given the vast amounts of other women's clothing options they had (of which I cannot wait to fit back into), but I didn't leave the store disappointment or emptied handed. I found myself two pair of skinny jeans and two pair of bootcut jeans. I have to say that it felt rather nice to slip into a pair of skinny jeans that were comfortable. I'm more of a skinny jean and boot or high heel kind of person versus regular jeans and sneakers and I haven't been able to comfortably wear ANY jeans for the last several weeks. That, coupled to just generally not feeling great enough to get dolled up to go places equates to lots of days at home in sweats and no makeup. Thus, when I am at home, I'm typically in sweats/pj pants, and when I've been on photo shoots, I've donned the tunic top and legging apparel (sometimes deemed inappropriate on certain individuals, but can you blame the preggo lady?!)... In any case, it just felt nice to pull on a pair of skinny jeans, put on a cute top and be able to flash the growing belly in the dressing room mirror. Even on the days that I need to get dressed up for work I've gotten to the point of just brushing my hair and letting it air dry. I used to put lots of product in it and blow dry it... not so much anymore! At least I'm still donning make up to work... it makes me feel somewhat better!

 

I'm certainly not outwardly trying to hide the belly these days, but I think subconsciously I do it. I'm proud of the bump and I wanted some clothes that I felt good in to show that bump off! After Kohls, I went to Target and found a few more shirts. I have to say that in Target it was VERY hard to walk past all of the cute fall/winter workout clothing and not buy any of it. I did proudly stay out of the baby section though. Oh how I wanted to add to my collection of cute bright workout clothes, but I knew that I shouldn't. I can next fall at this time!

 

I also got my atrocious eye brows waxed yesterday. It was DEFINITELY time! I had been meaning to get them waxed BEFORE the wedding (which was almost two months ago now), but the timing never worked out quite right and it wasn't on the top of my priority list and then after that they really slipped to the bottom because of generally feeling like crud. So, needless to say, they needed it bad. I've tried in the past to tweeze some strays at home, but I don't have the tolerance to inflict that kind of pain on myself, lol! Dude, plucking your own eye brows sucks! And really, if you thought my eyebrows were bad, you should see my legs! LMAO! Full disclosure here... haven't gone near them with a razor in WEEKS! I think, why bother at this point doing something that is only going to stay smooth for a day or so. No one sees my legs except me right now and I'm not quite bothered with them just yet. At least not enough to actually shave them. I've thought about it once or twice. I should probably at least once before the belly gets too big, lol! It is extra insulation for the winter right now, lets just stick with that. At least I was good with it during the summer months. And baby comes right before then, so no worries for next summer!

 

I get to venture off to the vet with the dog tomorrow. Should be interesting. He's still small enough that it shouldn't be too much of a big deal. Then it's off to Hu Hot for some lunch with my bestie! I cannot wait because I have been craving a good plate of Mongolian grill for the entire week! The only sucky part is that I'll probably only be able to enjoy the one plate. In any case, it shall be good times with my friend and good food!

 

CIAO! LOVE ME!

{a good weekend}

I'm happy to report that generally I'm feeling better these days. Not great, but no longer horrible either. Just so so, but I'm trying to keep positive about it and making my way through each day in a positive light versus just concentrating on how not good I feel. Although I wish I would feel slightly closer to normal, if this is as good as it is going to get for the next 23 weeks, I've decided that I can deal with it. (Not that I have much of a choice, haha!)

 

Our adventure with the puppy continues to go well. I haven't decided that we need to give him back yet. I think he is definitely fitting in nicely at our house, although our cat, Diesel, is still pretty leary of him. Part of me feels bad for Diesel because I didn't think he would have such an attitude against the dog, but he has been the only pet in the house for a number of years. And right now he is bigger than the dog, so you would think he would domineer the pup, but he basically stays upstairs and just sleeps the day away. His loss, haha! We try to spread the love around between the two, although Drake is still the novelty right now.

 

He's getting better at not whining as much when he is in the kennel; however, he has also started locking his legs when it is time to get in and doesn't want to go. At this point he is still small enough that we can get him to go in though. Potty training is going as well as can be expected. So long as we keep on schedule, Drake is good about going outside. If we get lazy and don't take him out frequently, that is when the accidents occur. I certainly know that accidents are bound to occur yet for a while and because they are easy to clean up on our floor it hasn't been too bad. He is so much fun to play with on the floor, just running after you and what not and then when he conks out, just to cuddle up with him. What a snuggle bug. Can he stay small and cute forever? Lol! The one thing that has already started is the chewing. Yes, I know we have a long way to go with that one.

 

Our weekend was overall pretty decent. I photographed a wedding with my cousin on Saturday, and as much fun as I have doing that, it was more the companionship of my cousin that made the day better. I needed a day out like that with a friend to just talk and get away. It was refreshing and just nice. Not to mention we got to take pictures together!

 

Sunday was relaxing/productive. We went grocery shopping (much needed) and worked around the house for a few hours before kind of crashing and burning in the afternoon. Ayden spent the afternoon with my dad at his parent's house, Jay went hunting, and Drake and I napped on the couch. Oh, I might have gotten some laundry done in there as well, well, at least it is washed. It may or may not all be folded and put away yet. Baby steps people, baby steps, haha! But quite a few things got done which was I happy about. I have a photoshoot from last weekend to finish editing and then the wedding from this past weekend and then I'm all caught up again. I have not scheduled anything for the next couple of weekends because I needed some time off. We have two birthday parties this weekend and next weekend starts deer hunting, and the weekend after is Thanksgiving, so we are busy anyways. (Well, I don't hunt, but I'll need to be home to watch the little man and the dog.) Plus, I'm just bushed out. I need some time to just recoup and enjoy my family.

 

The baby bump is certainly prominent now... not necessarily when I'm wearing clothes, it still kind of looks like I just might be gaining some weight; however, if you know that I'm preggers, then it is definitely more evident. I'm accepting the bump and wearing it proudly. It isn't going anywhere for the next 23 weeks, so I might as well! My doctor's appointment on Friday went well. I got to hear baby's heart beat again after four weeks and boy did it sound great! For whatever reason I had this irrational fear that the doctor wasn't going to be able to find baby's heart beat, but she did in like five seconds flat... that woosh woosh woosh sound just melted this momma's heart. Just a few more weeks until we hopefully find out if baby is going to be a brother or sister for Ayden. The scale at the doctor's office was also still pretty nice to me. I've finally gained some weight. I consider my 'starting' weight 123 because that is what I was when I found out I was pregnant. I think the doctor considers is about 117-118 because that is what I was when I was first seen. So in my reality, I've only gained four pounds because on Friday I was 127. However, (even though I'm not worried about the number-yet) I was wearing jeans, tennis shoes, and a sweatshirt, so I'm thinking it was more like 125-126. Doctor's orders were to gain between 20-25 lbs, and if she's starting at 118 (let's round to 120), that puts me between 140-145 by the end of the pregnancy. Like I said, I haven't been concerned about the weight (yet) and haven't watched a single calorie that has entered my mouth in weeks, but my overall goal right now is to stay under 150... I think that's a healthy number to shoot for. Of course, that doesn't mean the closer I inch to that number the more I am going to be concerned about going over it, I know full well I can and may gain more. It WILL come off again. I KNOW that much! I can't wait to get back into working out. I know I could still be doing it right now, but honestly, the motivation right now just isn't there. Ready to kill it next summer though!

 

Baby is going to come at the right time, give me all summer to get back into a good routine and then by the time the weather gets cold again in the winter I won't want to give up on it. I have to admit, right now I don't miss those cold night snowy runs. I lie, part of me does miss it. I do miss lacing up the shoes, setting my garmin, and then putting my headphones on and just going for a few miles and it being just me and my thoughts. Pushing myself one step further! I read the blog of a lady who has been consistently working out through her entire pregnancy so far. She is just a few weeks further along than me and she rocks it at the gym at 5:30am almost every morning and is going to run her second half marathon so far this pregnancy in just a few weeks. Talk about a dedicated woman! I wish I could be half as motivated as her! I had grand plans of staying fit and in great shape this pregnancy, but morning sickness threw that all out of the window, haha! Actually, it was my pure lack of motivation that helped too because if I wanted it bad enough, I could have fought through it and still done what I wanted. I just become a baby when I am sick! It's true, ask Jay!

 

Until next time...

 

CIAO! LOVE ME!

{drake's first night}

We are now officially a family of four... four being three humans and one of the world's cutest puppies. Yup, that's right... we took the plunge and got a puppy less than six months before adding a baby to the family. Call us crazy. I would. Haha! Actually, we knew we were going to take the plunge two weeks ago, we just had to wait for puppy to be ready to leave his mommy and brothers and sisters. That time came last night and Jay went to go pick him up after work.

 

We are now the proud owners of Drake, the cute little chocolate lab pup that has stolen all of our hearts.

 

It was a bit of a busy night for us last night as not only were we getting the puppy, but we were also going over to Jay's grandparent's house for some of his grandma's delicious potato pancakes. And goodness were they ever delicious! I only wish I could have had more than I did! Smaller portions these days leads to a stomach that feels better (most of the time). Once I got home from work, it was quick see the puppy, change clothes, grab everyone and head to Jay's grandparent's house... puppy in tow.

 

Like I mentioned, we had a delicious supper and then had to run. It was already getting late and Ayden had homework to finish up, we needed to run to Walmart for a few things, and Jay wanted to be home to watch the Packer game. I felt bad for eating and running, but I know his grandparents understood. They are simply amazing. Let me tell you!

 

Drake did good on his first official outing. He slept the majority of the time that we were there. Poor little guy, I bet he was in shock the entire night!

 

After we got home, we settled down on the living room floor and played with Drake for a little while before heading off to bed. He's just so darn cute and loved to snuggle with me!

 

Ayden decided that he wanted to sleep downstairs to make sure that Drake didn't get scared. We had kenneled him for the night; however, he was scared and just cried and cried. Somehow Ayden managed to fall asleep with all of that crying, but I could hear it from our upstairs bedroom and I couldn't sleep. Keep in mind I could hear it over the sound generator and fan we had going in our room. Those darn mommy ears that I have! I tolerated it for about 45 minutes and then just felt bad. I had originally gone downstairs to tell Ayden he could go sleep in his room because I had assumed he would still be awake. In any case, he wasn't, but I woke him up and told him to go to his bed.

 

Then I proceeded to break probably ever puppy training rule in the manual, let Drake out of his kennel and proceeded to sleep with him on the couch. Yes, I KNOW I shouldn't have, but my heart strings were already pulled. I just felt bad that he would be in the kennel all night, out for a few hours in the morning while we were getting ready, and then kenneled all day again while we were gone at work.

 

So, Drake and I bonded together during his first night in the Hoerth household. I think he likes his new momma, haha! We both managed to get some sleep and surprisingly I'm not as tired today as I thought I would be which is a good thing, right?!

 

It about broke my heart when we had to kennel him this morning as Ayden and I were leaving. Poor little guy was just a crying! I know he will survive the day, but it just sucks thinking about it. I hope he didn't cry for too long and that he still loves me when I get home. It's for his own good though, I know.

 

There won't be any cuddling tonight though however... momma needs a good night sleep. Plus, I don't have to work tomorrow, so we will have all day to bond together again!

 

Pictures to follow soon!

 

CIAO! LOVE ME!

{motivation}

I was bumming on the couch the other night in my favorite spot (who am I kidding, when I'm not at work or sleeping in my bed, most often you'll find me in the end spot on the couch) and I was scrolling through some old pictures from this past summer on my phone and reveling in how good I looked. Does that sound vain? Probably. I didn't fully realize it at the time, but I was in the best shape of my life. I was at a point in my life where I was happy with how my body looked and I knew it was headed in the right direction. I was proud of what I had accomplished with my running and just physical fitness in general.

 

I've decided that I'm going to use those photos as motivation post baby. I've given up all thought on working out while pregnant. I'm just not feeling up to par enough to even want to work out (serious lack of any motivation) and I know that at this point with not working out for the last 10-11 weeks, my endurance is probably back next to nil and I know I've lost muscle tone. I'm starting to become okay with that. One thing you don't want to do is take a picture of your pre baby body and put it next to a picture of your growing a baby body, it just depresses you, haha! Okay, it didn't depress me, but it was a little harder to look at. There are definitely days (now that the emerging baby bump starting to come out of hiding) that I look down at that growing bump in amazement and think, wow, I'm growing a little human in there. I will often lay in bed at night with my hand on my stomach often wondering if that little blip I felt was the baby or just gas bubbles. I'm still not certain, but that's okay. I know it will come soon and I'm so looking forward to it. And there are moments when I look down and think, wow, how can someone's body change so much in just 16 weeks already! Do all pregnant women sit and just rub their bellies throughout the day, or is it just me? Is it too early to be doing that, haha!

 

I wish I would have written more during Ayden's pregnancy. I'll have to go back and look through my journals, but I think I stopped writing after just a few months pregnant and because I tried to hide it for so long, I know I didn't write about it in the early stages just in case someone would have happened to get their hands on my journal and read it. I don't remember a lot from his pregnancy. I know that has to do with the fact that it was ten years ago, but I also know that it has to do with the fact that I didn't want to remember because I shouldn't have been pregnant at that time. I would like to know when I felt him starting to move around. What I felt like throughout the whole pregnancy, etc, etc... but alas that's okay.

 

I've waited so many years to have another baby and there are days where I'm still in disbelief that it is happening. That ten years later it happened so easily for us, when I know there are couples who struggle and struggle and may never get pregnant. I know I've written about this before, but life was always wait wait wait, or at least it seemed like it to me. Jay and I were a family with Ayden, but we weren't really living a 'real' life because of school and not being married and so on and so forth. And after years and years of what seemed like being stuck in a standstill, it's all happening to us now. It's like the gates have opened, someone said you can pass go, and please remember to say 'I do' and start your family! The things we've been waiting for are all/have come true. We've kind of come full circle in a way. What I've witnessed my family and friends go through in the 'typical' ways of life has finally graced our lives. What I've been secretly jealous about for so many years. We are married. We live in a great community and house (albeit we still rent). We both have great jobs. Ayden is thriving. We are adding another miracle to our family. We are getting a puppy. It's like after all this time, there is no more waiting.  We are actually doing the 'typical' life things. (Not that I'm a follow the grain kind of person.) I feel incredibly blessed. I've felt incredibly blessed for a LONG time!

 

Jay and I could have easily fallen into the 'typical' (and I hate writing that; however, statistics show it's true) teen parent rolls. Not finishing high school, not going to college, not staying together, etc etc etc. But we pushed through. Our families stood by our sides and wouldn't let us not succeed. At the time I found out I was pregnant Jay and I had only been together for a few months. We had NO idea where our future was headed together without a baby, and then throwing one into the mix while still in high school! But we held on to each other and pushed through. And now ten years later, we're finally married. Now if I could just get him to agree on a baby name with me! Ugh, men!

 

CIAO! LOVE ME!

{up and down}

I'm a few weeks into my second trimester now and I'm still waiting to feel that glow that everyone talks about, haha! My days fluctuate now with how I am feeling and I'm grateful for more so so days than really bad days. For the most part I think the severe nausea has passed; however, it still likes to let me know that it can rear it's ugly head at any time! Case in point, this past weekend! Actually, I think I kind of felt it coming on Friday night as I wasn't feeling to hot then either. I had a wedding that I was going to help photograph on Saturday, so I went to bed early hoping Saturday would be better. Not so much. Saturday morning rolled around and not that you want to know or care, but the bathroom was my best friend. Whatever I tried to eat just wasn't agreeing with my stomach and I was so lightheaded. I felt bad (both physically and emotionally) because I had to stay home from the wedding. I knew that if I went I would have spent more time in the bathroom or trying not to pass out than actually helping. I was bummed because I hate letting people down. I had a low point where I was climbing the stairs to get something from the bedroom and just sat down and cried for a few minutes at the top because I felt so crappy. Needless to say, the majority of Saturday was spent on the couch. Thankfully my dad had called to see if Ayden wanted to go over there for a little while and Jay was gone most of the day so I could just rest in peace.

 

Sadly, much of Sunday was spent the same way; however, I did feel slightly better. I was able to keep my food down. I had an engagement shoot in the late afternoon with a friend that I really couldn't reschedule (we both have scheduling conflicts until like the middle of December), so I geared up for that and made it through. Not going to lie though, kind of plastered on a smiley face for some of it. I also just paced myself as well. Because of the photo shoot I had to miss taking Ayden trick or treating, but he ended up going with Alexis anyways and had a good time. I feel bad that we haven't really done any fall decorating this year. Not that we ever go ALL out, but we only have one pumpkin that Ayden is taking to decorate at school. We didn't carve any at home and Halloween is this week. Boo on that because I love carving pumpkins. It's just been a crazy busy fall with mommy not up to par and daddy super busy away from home. Not that Ayden has complained any, but still. Mommy guilt kicking in a bit.

 

I am happy to say that Monday was alright. I'm good with alright for right now. I'll take it. Go with it. I'd like to be good or great, but we'll work on that. Haha! Just being able to say that I went the entire day without throwing up or feeling like I had to throw up is a plus in my book! And another plus... I've even started sipping on water (albeit flavored with some Mio) again! For WEEKS I couldn't tolerate it or even the thought of it. I KNOW I'm not getting enough yet, but some is better than none. I have to admit that my healthy tendencies have gone out the window so far and have only slightly begun to return. And, yes, I will admit this, I do drink caffeine. To each their own. And if Mt. Dew is one of the only liquids I can keep down alright, it's going down. I limit myself, but yes, I may or may not have become addicted again. Haha!

 

I'm still very tired throughout the day, especially after lunch. There should be mandatory nap times allowed for adults. On Friday after a morning out with my little man, I came home and took a two hour nap. It was pure bliss! Sleep is still pretty good. (Knock on wood.) I'm considering investing in a pregnancy pillow because the body pillow I have just isn't cutting it. Jay complains I take up too much of the bed with my pillows. I used to sleep with two. Now I sleep with five regular sized pillows, plus my body pillow. I have two under my knees to prop my legs and then was using four for my head/back so I was more elevated. I think we just need a bigger bed, lol! (We already have a queen!)

 

We are hopefully getting our puppy this weekend. I am very excited; however, ask me how it is going next week and we will see if I still have the same sentiment about it! Not going to lie though, I'm definitely ready to get that little puppy in front of my camera! Also, as much as I love photography and my clients, I am ready for these next two weekends to be over with so I can just have some downtime. We've literally been going/doing something every weekend since like August, what with all of the wedding planning, then the wedding and the honeymoon, and now photoshoots. I want a few weeks just at home with nothing to do. But I think I said something along the lines of that in my last post. Am I just constantly repeating myself these days? Sometimes it feels like it.

 

CIAO! LOVE ME!

{trying to be positive}

It's been a trying last couple of days for me mentally, emotionally, and physically, but only those closest to me would be able to know as I'm trying to be thankful and positive, but it is hard. I don't know if I'm cut out to be pregnant. I am not enjoying this pregnancy at all yet and I feel so ungrateful saying that. I know that I am growing a little miracle right now, but I'm still not feeling very well throughout the course of the day, I'm not enjoying things like I want to be, and I'm just not myself. I dread getting up in the morning because I know another day of not feeling good is about to start. I physically cringe when my alarm goes off because I know that once my body registers that I am awake there is only a certain amount of time before I need to get food into it before I start dry heaving up what isn't in it. It's a race to get downstairs and eat something. And no, the crackers, granola bars, etc by my bed in the morning do not work. I'm still sleeping well (knock on the fake wood desk I am sitting at right now), so that is my release. Like the title of this post says, I'm trying to be positive about it all. I know that there are women out there who would give ANYthing to be in my place. To be able to get pregnant and go through all of the pregnancy related stuff and here I sit complaining about it. It's not that I'm not thankful for being pregnant because I am, truthfully I am. I'm just being honest here, my body is not reacting to it great yet and it's affecting me. I've always been a pretty open book on my blog, and so I'll try to continue to be. I know that someone with infertility problems may come across this post at some point in the far away future (because I'm still pretty sure reader average on my blog is pretty minimal, which is okay by me) and may think that I'm being ungrateful and selfish for feeling like I do, and you know what, that is OKAY! From the beginning I've said that not EVERYONE will agree with what I write and how I 'run' my life, but that is why we are all created differently.

 

In any case, I AM trying to enjoy things and not EVERY minute of EVERY day is horrible. I've been busy on the weekends with photoshoots so the time is just flying by. I am 15 weeks pregnant today. 15 weeks! Doesn't that mean I should start feeling more like myself again? I know every pregnancy is different and this one is certainly different than the first one. A little over a month until we find out whether this little bambino is another little man or a little princess joining our family. I could certainly go in sooner and have an elective ultrasound done at another facility in the next week or so, but I don't know if I want to spend the extra money doing that. We shall see how impatient I get, haha!

 

The main man in my life and the little man have been nothing but supportive lately. I feel bad that I'm giving them the shaft so much, but I think they understand. Ayden has just been a doll! I couldn't have asked for a more understanding little nine year old. He doesn't fail to ask me every morning and night how I am feeling. It's definitely precious. I think he's getting sick of everyone asking him if he's excited for a little sister, haha! He is still WAY on the boy train and that is okay with me. I'm not quite sure if I'm pulling one way or the other right now.

 

I do know that I've been itching to buy baby things lately. I've found a few good scores on craiglist which I am super excited about. I've found a moby wrap that I cannot wait to use in April! I had a baby carrier with Ayden, but it wasn't terribly convenient and I think I only used it once or twice. I've also found a swing and the carseat/stroller combo that we wanted for brand new. I'm picking that up tomorrow and am super excited! It's the small things people, the small things, haha! Now if only I had enough energy to get my house clean we'd be set! Any takers?!

 

CIAO! LOVE ME! 

{adjustment}

We had an absolute great weekend at our house and I’m happy to finally be able to say that I felt pretty good for the majority of it (knock on wood)!
 

My dad and Wendy were gone up north for the whole weekend and Alexis was hanging out at our house for the weekend. We had lots of busy plans for Saturday and had little to no down time! I was a little anxious about how it was going to play out because I hadn’t had such a busy day in a long time where I was going to be going going going, but it went well.
 

We started out the day early with a 5k walk in a neighboring town. Both Ayden and Alexis joined me, along with my bestie Victoria (whom I totally haven’t seen enough of lately… stupid all day sickness keeping me couped up on the couch for so much of the time lately). Because the kiddos were along, my plan was to walk and no run, although I don’t know how much running I would have been doing anyways because just walking it made me tired. Stupid endurance has definitely taken a hit lately! I’m SO ready for this second trimester energy spurt to hit me anytime now!
 

The walk went well! Victoria was awesome and kept it at our pace, even though I know she could have taken off and run it. In fact, her and Ayden actually ended up running the last ½ mile or so and I got to watch them cross the finish line together as Alexis and I were rounding a corner! It was SO neat! They were there cheering us on as Alexis and I ran the last 100 feet so or hand in hand across the finish line! It was definitely a great morning! The kiddos and I ended up at Mickey D’s for lunch as a treat to them for doing so well with minimal whining, and a treat for me because I didn’t have to cook and then we rested at home for about an hour or so until my sister and her boyfriend showed up and we all headed out to a local apple orchard for some apple picking and caramel apples! Jay even joined us for that trip!

The orchard was fun, the caramel apple was great, and the company was even better! We picked apples and Jay made homemade applesauce with them yesterday! Delicious!

After the orchard, we headed back to our house where my mom and brother joined us for supper and then we all headed off to a local corn maze in the dark! It was boys against girls going through the maze… Jay, Ayden, my brother, and my sister’s boyfriend, against me, Alexis, my sister and my mom. The guys one, but I think they cheated, haha! It was great; however, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m not very good at picking the right direction going through the maze because whenever I was leading was when we would get lost. Emily was able to successfully lead us through! If you ever get a chance to do a corn maze in the dark with glow sticks, I would definitely suggest it because it is a blast!

I definitely slept good Saturday night and my legs/whole body was sore from all of the fun festivities on Sunday! I had a fun photo shoot on Sunday morning before heading home for an afternoon of relaxing. Jay put up the baby crib and changing table yesterday in what we are now officially referring to as the baby’s room. We had moved our computer/office stuff down into the living room and it doesn’t look that bad. It is definitely weird to see the crib up again after so many years! I’ve gotten excited about the possibility of decorating the room though. I have some ideas floating around in my head already, but we will have to wait and see if baby is a girl or a boy.

I’ve had a hard time adjusting to my changing body lately. There is definitely the start of a baby bump going on now. There is no denying that and my clothes are definitely fitting differently. It’s been hard to accept that my body is going to change and I’m going to gain weight. Logically I know it is going to happen and that it is supposed to happen and that I am growing a baby and should be excited about it all. I mean,yeah, I’ll accept that the baby bump at some point, but I’m still emotionally trying to wrap my head around it all. It worked SO hard to get my body to a point where I liked it. I mean, I was never overweight or completely unhappy with my body, but I worked my ass off and got to a point where I was happy. It’s just difficult to see a change in the opposite direction, especially when my clothes aren’t fitting the same and I’m still too small for actual maternity clothes. Once again, I know LOGICALLY that the same hard work after baby will get me back to where I was. LOGICALLY. Emotionally speaking, it’s a different story. But aren’t pregnant women allowed to be emotional, haha!

CIAO! LOVE ME!