Inflated...

I had this whole post formed in my head about how I was feeling so deflated lately... some things that I was trying weren't panning out, I was feeling sort of cheated, etc etc etc... basically it was a self pity post, but then something happened yesterday afternoon. I decided that I was the only one keeping myself feeling like that and if I wanted to feel happier and less deflated well then by golly all I had to do was change my sour attitude. And... that I did!

So instead of writing a post about how crappy I was feeling earlier this week, I'm going to write a post about how I've changed my outlook and am making an effort to feel better about myself and my life and everything that I have going for me.

Yesterday afternoon I was sort of lounging around with Ayden when I asked him what he wanted to do. He said that he wanted to go outside and sit on the swing with me. This isn't out of the norm, but I wasn't anticipating it lasting for so long. We sat and swung for a while and then he had the brillant idea of getting his little pool out and filling it up so he could swim in it. I warned him that the water would be pretty cold, but he wanted to just the same. I filled it up for him and he had at it! I gave him the job of watering the lawn and he went about taking buckets full of water and dumping them all over the lawn. It was lots of fun watching him.

After the pool was empty, he came back to sit on the swing with me. We were probably outside for a good hour or more... it was just peaceful to sit and swing with my not so little guy!

This weekend is Jay's dad's side of the family camping (does that make sense?). And so that means 12 aunts and uncles, numerous cousins, a growing amount of great grandchildren... and lots of fun? Is it bad that I'm sort of dreading this event? You see... this camping event is known to get quite out of hand, quite out of hand in the drunken aspect. Jay has told me numerous stories about years before we started dating, stories that he finds just hilarious, stories that I find rather repulsive, anything but funny, and pretty stupid. Stories about relatives getting plastered and being dumb. And he's excited about it this year! Ugh, I just cringe, because yes folks, nights around the bonfire at this camping event involve LOTS of alcohol! I won't go so far as to say that everyone gets drunk or wild because there are some people who are responsible, but enough do. Don't get me wrong, there are family events where the majority of the people aren't liquored up, but it seems like so much of what we do is based around alcohol or the stories at least. i mean these are good people without it, I guess I just wonder why they think they need it to have a good time?!

Anyways, I'd be just as happy to go with just Jay's parents and brother for a weekend. Yes, they drink and yes they get a little wild sometimes, but not usually when we are around. I guess most of my dislike has to come from the fact that I don't drink (and no I don't count the one or two winecoolers or Mike's Hard Lemonade per year as drinking- and when I do have one, its because of the flavor, not because everyone else is donig it or because I want to get drunk and have a grand ole time) and I don't like what it does to the people who do.

I know I've had a rant about drinking before, but I just needed to get it out. Since the campground is only about 35 minutes from our house, I will probably go during the day on Saturday when most of the family is sober and then come home at night so I don't have to deal with it. Jay will probably stay with Ayden in his parent's camper. That way, he can have fun (but not too much since he still has to watch Ayden) and I don't have to see it. I won't tell him he can't drink, but he knows well enough to not really do it around me. Actually, we had gotten some beer when he parents came up to watch the fireworks and had some left over and so Jay would drink one here or there to get rid of it (why waste good beer- or money- right?!) at night after Ayden went to bed and honestly, it bothered me. We don't keep beer in our house unless we are having a party. Yes, we have some bottles of liquour, but for that same purpose. I think that is why he drank them at night after Ayden and I went to bed and he was still on the computer and it was never more than one a night.

I'm sure this weekend will be filled with lots of fun...

CIAO! LOVE ME!