Sooner than thought?!

So, within the last couple of months I’ve had some friends have babies, become pregnant, get married, family get married, get pregnant, and/or have babies… it feels like I’m surrounded by it. And now I get why my one friend is so anxious for it all… because now I’m starting to get anxious for it.

When Jay and I got engaged I didn’t really see it as something big. We’ve been together for so long what did a ring on my finger really have to do with anything. Its not like we even went around announcing it… to me it really didn’t matter. It still really doesn’t. Per usual, we got (and still get) the almost seeming mandatory question of when the big day is. The norm is to usually decide this rather quickly after getting engaged… not the case for Jay and myself. We still don’t know, but sort of figured it would come after I am done with school. And at least for sure after Jay graduates and starts a stable job.

But the more I see my friends and family moving on with their lives and getting married and starting families, the more I want to do that. Okay, so obviously we have started our family already… see our lovely wonderful son Ayden, but oh how I want to add to it. How I want to give him brothers and sisters, brothers and sisters he is already asking about. Oh how I want to marry his father, a marriage that Ayden is already asking to happen.

My dear readers, I have the baby itch and I have it bad! And it sucks because as much as I want to have another child, I know it is something we will not try for or allow to happen anytime soon. TMI… sorry, you’ll deal. And I sit hear with one beautiful child already and my heart hurts for those who cannot have children, those who are trying/have been trying for so long and still haven’t gotten pregnant, and those who have been, but have lost the baby before getting to meet them. Those who can readily afford to have a child, but cannot… I feel like I shouldn’t even be wanting one because I’m not married, still in college, in large amounts of student debt, and already screwed up by getting pregnant in high school. Oh, please know that I have no regrets about having Ayden, but also know that you probably have a stigma against teenage pregnancies as well. Maybe I shouldn’t make assumptions about my readers opinions, but we all know that the truth is, there is and always will be that stigma out there and although I don’t advocate for girls to get pregnant in high school, having been through it, I can feel for them.

Yes, probably more cases are worse than others, in by that means many girls probably don’t continue on with their education, etc… but I don’t think the girls that do get enough credit for it. Okay, I’ve totally gone off topic here… I didn’t mean to head into that topic… back on track…

So… Jay and I have talked about getting married when I graduate, but now I’m wanting to sooner rather than later. Not like within the next year sooner, but maybe within the next two years?! I don’t know…

I think more than anything, I want to be done with this school thing and be able to concentrate on our family. Add to our family… share the love that I have for Ayden with other children. I already know I’m not stay at home mom material, at least not at this point, and thus I’ll always have my career, but I want to live the real life experience now, ha! Despite being on our own… we still aren’t living the real life thing because both Jay and I are in school still.

Ugh, so anyways, I just needed to get a few thoughts off my head. I went out and bought a ‘wedding planning’ book today and some of the stuff in it so funny. I must be one of those very nontraditional brides because my wedding won’t have half of the stuff it mentions. Ah, good ole crazy Ashley!

Oh, and then to top it off… somehow the whole name changing thing was brought up today and I told Jay that I was unsure if I wanted to change my name when we got married. I don’t have anything against his last name, and it sounds fine with my first name, but I sort of would like to be called Dr. my last name after going to school for so long versus Jay’s last name if we are married. Maybe by the time we get married I will want to change it, maybe he won’t care about whether I do or not, maybe I will do some sort of hyphen thing, or maybe who knows. But from his subtle reaction today, I got the distinct impression that he would like me to change it. Who knows…

Okay, off to eat supper!

CIAO! LOVE ME!