Average

I’ve never considered myself average when it comes to school and my grades. I’m above average, I get good grades, very good grades, I admit it. But I also don’t think I go around and promote that, don’t shove it in people’s faces, or at least I hope that I don’t.

I’ve always done good in school, without much effort. I study, yes, but definitely not to the extent that it takes some other people to get the good grades that I get. I was in the top of my high school class (although 100 students isn’t much of a class) and have done well in my undergraduate studies. I still remember failing my first test in 6th grade and being completely distraught about it. And then I failed my first (and only) college course, but that didn’t bother me because the class was crap (and yes that is partially an excuse)! Then I got into grad school and have been doing well thus far.

It never really occurred to me that Ayden would be anything different, and then it did. I tried not to compare what Ayden could do as a baby to other kids his age, especially Alexis and for the most part, I didn’t. At that point I didn’t care if he was doing everything all of the other kids around him were doing. As long as his doctor said he was progressing at the rate he was supposed to, I was happy.

Then he started school and it hit me, at this point… Ayden is average. Average isn’t bad by any means, but is it too much to want an above average child?! Okay, so he’s happy, healthy, and learning at the rate of most of the children around him, but coming from a neurotic mom like me who is used to doing better, its been hard to swallow. My friend’s daughter is in kindergarten this year and she’s reading already. Ayden is just learning to put sounds together. My friend’s daughter can add and subtract double digits. Ayden hasn’t even grasped subtraction all the way yet. And so its started, I’ve started to compare my child to other children. I want Ayden to be above average, but I’m learning to accept him as he is. He will have his own things that set him apart from the others around him. And I will be here to help him in any way that he needs, but I won’t push him past his limits.

I got A’s, and so my mom expected A’s, not that she shouldn’t have, but it sucked coming home with something less and then having her say you should have gotten this. She never shoved it down my throat or intentionally made me feel bad about lower than normal grades, but it definitely affected what I expected of myself. My brother got average grades so when he got A’s, he got extra praise. I didn’t think it was fair and my sister and I voiced our opinion about this on several occasions.

To this day, I still tell my mom my good grades, because I’m proud of them and want her to be proud of them with me. But, I’ve learned to keep the rest of my grades to myself. I don’t need to hear how I should have done better and don’t feel like coming up with excuses why I didn’t. I’ve been through that too many times. I’m an adult and am responsible for my own decisions and grades.

When it comes to Ayden’s grades in the future, I will encourage him to do his best and help him in any way so that he can accomplish that. I will not tolerate below average grades and do what I can to help him in areas he is having troubles with if that ever occurs. I want him to grow up with a good work ethic, but to also know that he can come to me with both good and bad grades and he won’t be penalized, but helped and encouraged to do better. Of course… this is all fine and dandy as I write it, I guess time will only tell, right? I know the trouble my mom and Jay’s mom have and are going through with my brother and Jay’s in getting homework done and done well.

Ah, the joys of being a parent. The world’s hardest and longest full time job that has the most and best rewards. How come when you have a baby all you learn about is baby stuff and not everything that comes afterwards, hehe! Where’s the young childhood manual? I don’t think Ayden came with a copy, can I borrow someone else’s? The decisions you have to make are crazy and you want to do what is best for your child, but how do you know if it is best or not? What if you are wrong? I don’t want Ayden to end up screwed as an adult! But then again, what parent does?

I guess, I just need to rest in the fact that Ayden’s path is already laid out for him and that I am just hear to nurture him as he continues along that path and although the way I raise him might have some impact on his future, the majority of it, I have no control over. The same goes for me!

The weather is supposed to be fabulous this week! Highs in the upper 60s! Fabulous is right! I’m taking some pictures for my friend of her two girls on Wednesday (hopefully, the last two times we tried her youngest was sick and then the following week, she was sick) and we are going to do them outside because it is supposed to be so nice out. I’m excited!

No lab for me on Friday either which is great… three day weekend! However, my classmate who normally covers hearing aid duty on Friday just got a job and has been called in for training on Friday and needs someone to cover for her. I said that I would do it because I knew that Amy had wanted to spend some time with her kids during their spring break and thus we are switching hearing aid duty days and she is taking Tuesday and I am taking Thursday, works for me since I have clinic on both days. And it sounds like Amy will be helping with the CAPD eval on Wednesday as well, so maybe I can get out of writing that report up since I have clinic on Thursday and Amy and Katie will offer to do that. Who knows?

I can keep my fingers crossed, right? Thought so!

CIAO! LOVE ME!