Taste of the Past

I dug out my old journals (I journaled all through high school) and thought it would be fun to look through them and find what was going on in my life at this point in time- or at least the post closest to January 4th each year-, nine years ago and this is what I found. I found an entry from my freshman year (I was 14), one from my sophomore year (I was 15), and one from my junior year (I was 16)… Goodness, was I boy crazed and young, haha! All teenager that’s for sure!

January 1, 2001

The beginning of a new year and it is already bad. The truth is out. Craig knows about Monica. I feel so bad. I didn’t want it to go this far. Well this what what happened. I got back from Madison and went to Grandma’s house. Got a Printmaster Gold cd and a 3 CD changer stereo. Well,then I came home and called Niki. Confirmed me coming out for new years. Went to bed. Got up and went on the net. Talked to Jerrit for a bit on the net. I don’t think I want to break up with him anymore. Not for sure though. Have to see how tomorrow goes. Well then Niki’s house. Once there Niki showed me the supposed hottie. His name is Rob and he was kind of cute. We four wheeled and snowmobiled for quite some time. Going in and out to keep warm. I finally got up the courage to drive and when I finally did, I didn’t want to stop. We also got stuck a lot. Well after we came in we were informed that Craig had called looking for Monica and me. Well, just as we were going to go on the net they (Jason and Craig) called again and Niki said that we were outside. After that Niki and I were like in hysterics on what to do. We finally decided to call back and tell them the truth. Like I expected they didn’t believe Niki. I wasn’t going to call them. I feel so bad because I really didn’t want it to go this far. And I didn’t want to hurt Craig like that. I only hope he can forgive me and that if would allow it, for us to still be friends. Maybe we will even become good friends that we can call each other. But just friends. I would like that, but worry that there is going to be some kind of a comeback. And not a nice one. Well I guess that that is all I have to write about that situation. Who knows what is going to come out of it. I am really sore from riding the four wheeler, but it was so much fun. Well I am going to go now and relay more late if anything of interest happens to me.

January 4, 2002

I told Niki about the whole foreign exchange thing and she was all like I have to do that too, but luckily her parents said that she couldn’t and she said she doesn’t think she could stay away that long. All for the better though. I have to get some more info about it too. I really hope… believe… that I can do this. I am really fed up with the wrestling team. Four people quit, Bill, Brian, Rob, Chad, and Tommy. Okay, five, but hopefully Rob, Chad, and Tommy will come back out. Chad said he was thinking about it. Jay and Eric didn’t quit though so that is all good. Jay said he wouldn’t though. He was talking to me a lot today which is really good and he was looking at me a lot during practice and I couldn’t help but smile. I am really starting to like him and Niki knows it. Eric almost smacked me in the face today, but he didn’t. I am the only manager (and girl) going along tomorrow. I feel all special. I’ll also find someway home. Hopefully we don’t get home too late either. We shouldn’t because it probably starts at 9 or 10 and it shouldn’t be more than 12 hours. I hope I don’t get a headache from like at Oshkosh. Coach said it was like that too, oh  joy! Oh well, I am pretty good at stats anyways. Better at paying attention than Niki is. When she misses something, she makes it up. Grr. Jay was copying my vocab for healthful living and was writing all over it and correcting my letters and such. It was funny. And Joel was talking to me during care break. He thinks we should get together (we as in: Cassie, him, Dustin, me, and Laura) at Cassie’s house to work on our algebra 2 tests. I have most of it done already, but there are some I have questions on and hopefully we all get together. I wonder if we have any wrestling meets on the 26th because neither Niki or I can go because of Wisconsin Dells. I would love for Jay to ask me to sweetheart hop. I would so say yes. But it would suck if Eric or Joel asked me, even though I like both of them, I like Jay more. I really think Jay knows I like him, Niki and I are only talking about him 24/7. It sucks where he chose to sit today in biology, because I can’t see him. Our lab today was screwed up. I know Joel knows I like him, I and Cassie told him. I wonder how much Cassie likes Jay. Surprisingly I haven’t told anyone except Vic and my sister. I am going to get a sore butt tomorrow. Oh joyous world. Oh, Jerrit quit too, but he was never going to wrestle the way it was to begin with. Today I thought he looks really cute. That is so not a good thing. How could I possibly think that. I wrote Mike a letter today in history. We did absolutely nothing. I suppose I could have worked on my chapter review, and I got the first six matching done, but that’s it. Oh well, I’ll get it done sometime this weekend. I have something going on every weekend like until wrestling is over. Only nine more days until, no wait, I mean nine more pages until I get to the moon pages. My letter to Victoria wasn’t very long because we didn’t get home last night until 10pm and I said screw it and watched TV and fell asleep. I have to get up early tomorrow. Grr again. I wish Jay was coming along, but its only JV. I will do fine, but I’m going to feel weird being the only girl. But then I get all the attention… I wonder… okay I totally blanked out there.

January 3, 2003

I am in Spanish now and we are re-watching the end of Shrek. My night last night was okay. I watched most of the two hours of CSI. They were reruns again, but oh well. I didn’t talk to Lee or Mike. I called Lee twice though. Maybe he was working or something. I was upset once again that I didn’t get to resolve my issues with Mike, but what can one do? I slept really good, but I didn’t go to bed until 10pm anyways. I slept through the entire night. I’m starting to think these lines are too close together. I did however get to talk to Mike for about ten minutes this morning. Nothing got solved though which still sucks. I waited until he started the conversation too and he did. He said he didn’t know how he was and that he would talk to me later. I really hope that he is on tonight because I want to get everything resolved. Does he realize that? Does he want to fix things like me. Well I’d like to say of course but none of it would have happened had he just gotten over the fact of me breaking one promise and trying to help them fix their relationship. Have you noticed my over abundance of talking about him lately? I will go through my spurts. At times he is all I can talk about and others I barely mention him. Its been this way for the past three years. You’ll have that though, right? As Lee would say. I’ve just got to get past it. Oh that’s bullshit, he’s the one that held on to it for way too long. I want to know why though. When we talk next no doubt its going to be brought up. I will do it if I have to. And I will do my best not to get pissed off at him, but who knows what will happen. I just want to get it all out. But that is enough bitching about him for now.

I found a post towards the end of January 2004, however it was SUPER long and full of lots of emotion that I am not ready to put out for all the world to see regarding being pregnant, in high school, being with Jay, the future, etc… maybe at some point in time, but not today. I just wanted to share some stupid silly boy filled teenager posts from my past. Oh goodness, there are tons more, and maybe someday I will share some more, haha! And I do realize that you may not understand half of what is going on in my posts, but oh well. Explaining the world of a 14, 15, and 16 year old teenage girl is pretty complicated, lol! Especially when it comes to the number of boys she likes at one time, haha!

After April of 2004, I didn’t write again until I started my blog. I’m sorry I stopped for so long because writing is a real release for me and I would have had many many stories about Ayden’s first years, but alas, we can’t rewind so I have what I have from when I started this blog.

CIAO! LOVE ME!