Feeling Lost

Jack- It's been a while since I specifically addressed you, or at least it seems that way. Today was kind of a hodge podge of a day. This morning I had my dress fitting for alterations in Kaukana at 9am... means I left point at 7:30 and arrived pretty much at 9am. I wasn't sure if it would actually take me that long to get there, but it's a good thing that I didn't leave any later than I did. I'm not sure if I could have taken an alternate route that would have been faster. I know of one way that would have been a little faster, but because of current construction I could not go that way today. In any case, the appointment really didn't get started until 9:30 because some other lady's appointment was running behind. I didn't mind all that much, but it would have been nice to get in and out faster than what we did. My dress still fits perfect! I needed it hemmed up and they are sewing boob cups in for me. Nice! Now I will at least look like I have some boobs and won't have to wear a bra! Lol! I'm definitely not 'blessed' in that area. Although Jay says he likes them just the way they are, if we ever come into some excess money (ie: winning the lottery that we don't play) I am so getting a boob job! Maybe TMI but you'll deal... anywhoo, my sister needed a little more done to her dress so that is why it took a little longer.

I got out of there at 10am and was worried because I didn't think I would make it back in time to catch some of Ayden's soccer game. I drove faster than I probably should have on the way home, but I wanted to catch just a little bit, and I did get to see about 10 minutes. He totally rocked today! Jay also videotaped it so I watched it after we got home. I am definitely beeming with pride for my little soccer star!!! He was so close to scoring two goals today. He is doing great and I'm so thankful. Jay thinks that soccer might be 'his sport'. We were both really worried that he wouldn't like it, but it turns out that he's taken to it pretty good. Three more weeks and then swimming lessons will start. I talked to Ayden about swimming lessons and he seems excited for that as well. That will be during the week though. Still need to sign him up for that though.

After the soccer game we went to Pizza Hut for lunch and stuffed ourselves full and had plenty of left overs to bring home. It was so yummy!!! When we got home I unbuttoned the pants and layed down on the couch. Tired and stuffed to the brim! I 'napped' for about an hour. I use quotes because I really didn't sleep because Ayden was playing pretty loudly. But I did get a little rest which was nice. Not nice to have to get up before 7am on your days 'off'. I hope Ayden sleeps in tomorrow, at least a little bit. He didn't have a nap today so maybe he will.

The rest of the afternoon was pretty layed back. Ayden and I played some games, played outside, watched a bit of TV. I didn't do any homework at all today, despite the fact that I should be studying and working on my next lesson plan. Speaking of that, I still haven't heard from my client's parents. I'm worried that maybe I should call again, but then again, like I said yesterday, is it really my responsibility to call after leaving two messages and it being the weekend?! I'm confused, worried, wondering...

Tomorrow we are getting Ayden's four year old pictures taken. I've been planning this for a while now. Have had outfits picked out for a couple of weeks, but due to the busyness (sp?) of these past weekends I haven't had a time to schedule them. Well finally I took matters into my own hands and decided that this weekend would be the weekend. He's only be four for a month now, lol. We are also going to get a family shot or two. The main reason for going is for Ayden, but I can never pass up a family shot. I love getting professional pictures taken. There are a few photographers that I'd love to check out here in Point, but they cost a TON and so Sears is definitely fine with us. They do a good job and have a really good package price. Maybe I will get ambitious and post some tomorrow if they turn out really good. Which I am hoping for. Ayden's been primed for this event as well. Need 'pretty teeth smiles', lol!

I talked to one of my best friends today. We haven't talked since Ayden's birthday party and we really needed to catch up. She recently moved and doesn't have the internet and we are both really busy. Not really a good excuse for letting time get past us, but it's true. Anywhoo, I found out that she is getting a divorce. It kind of sucks because she's only been married for a little over two years or a little under, can't remember her exact wedding date (even though I stood up in her wedding, bad friend, eh?). Well, after hearing the reasons and what not, I don't really blame her. I've met her husband a handful of times (we haven't been able to hang out all that often since I moved to Point) and he seemed well enough, but apparently he's got quite the temper and has become pretty controlling. Now, I'm not all for divorce, but if she is not happy then their child will be able to pick up on that and that isn't healthy. Hopefully she can get through this easily and move on with her life. Currently her husband is doing okay with it all and doing the whole sharing custody thing pretty well. I hope that it continues this way because she also said that he's been going back and forth with being okay with this.

But after talking to her it has made me think even more about not getting married. I want it a permanent thing and can I be sure of that, well right now no. But it doesn't really matter, does it? It's not like I'm being pressured to get married or anything. Jay is fine with us not getting married right now. It hasn't been brought up by any family members. Content the way things are. Plus it's not like we could afford it and we are still young. Funny how I think 22 is young to get married (well at least for me, if someone knows they want to get married younger then I say, go for it... everyone feels different about things) but anyways, I no longer thing 22 is too young to have a 4 year old. Ironic, huh? Or crazy... or just speaking a whole bunch of nonesense that doesn't make sense.

That is okay, I've been thinking a whole bunch of nonesense lately. Lots of different thoughts going through this tiny head of mine and sometimes I get scared by them. Worried if I am going in the right direction in a lot of areas of my life. Is the stress of the semester getting to me that much already? Am I sure I can make it through the rest of this semseter, much less the rest of this year. And what if other aspects of my life change? I don't know... I'm kind of feeling lost right now...

CIAO! LOVE ME!