Putting up a facade...

It's what I tend to do best... and honestly, I'm not all that good at it, at least around Jay. Most of the time I can get everyone around me to believe that everything is great, when I'm full of turmoil and indecisiveness on the inside. It's not hard to paste that fake smile on your face and keep the conversation platonic and friendly. Discussing things that have no real emotional value. How simple it is to keep the conversation off yourself and turned onto others. I do it all the time. One of the plusses about my blog, I can talk about myself all I want, yet I purposely avoid the issues that I most want to talk about. However... I think I have to be honest with myself first and I'm having a hard time with that right now.

I'm feeling very undeserving of many things in my life right now. It has turned into one of those kinds of week. On the surface everything is going well. I had two GREAT therapy sessions this week and easy write-ups afterwards. The weather has been great (supposed to get up to almost 50 degress today!). I even got to sleep in until 8am this morning! It was like the weekend for me and I half woke up thinking it was! It's not even that things just this week have been going well... things in general have been going well. I am graduating this May! I got into grad school! I have the world's most wonderful little boy as my son (of course I'm bias!)! I have a great guy to call my boyfriend who would do anything for me! I have great friends who care about me!

LATER… I feel like I have so much more to add to this, but my ‘writing’ mood has diminished throughout the day and I am going to settle down in bed and enjoy an episode of ER and rejoice that tomorrow is FRIDAY! I need to reflect on a lot of things going on in my life right now… but I am very grateful for all of it because without it I wouldn’t be who I am, right? Am I’m at least partially satisfied with the person I am, for now…

I know… call me crazy… I do!

CIAO! LOVE ME!