Too Routine

I feel like I am in a routine that I cannot get out of and it's kind of depressing. Not that I'm against routines or anything... actually I am a firm believer in them, especially for families with kids. Kids need routines, although not overly structured. I'm sure the parents out there, or even the people who have worked with kids, that are reading this know exactly what I am talking about. I don't thrive on routine, but like a little bit in my daily life. However, lately it seems like things have just gotten too same thing after same thing. The past eight weeks have flown by (yes we are eight weeks into the semester already and that means less than... LESS THAN... 60 days until graduation) and I really have no idea where they have gone. We will go back to school next week and the next eight weeks are going to fly by as well. Actually... there will be the last week in March and then April and we are pretty much done. The first week in May is our last week of classes and typically nothing gets accomplished then... and then it's finals week and GRADUATION! I think what I'm dreading most is the summer.

Wait, dreading summer?! Definitely not the weather, definitely not the no class aspect, but there are a lot of uncertainties right now and I don't do good with that. Never have... Jay and I are trying to determine what we want to do as far as child care goes during the summer. Normally I don't work a whole lot in the summer, however I was approached last week sometime asking if I would like to work more. I haven't heard anything from these individuals further, but that is an unknown. Of course I would work more if I was needed. My hours are pretty much based on how much I am needed. About 12 hours a week is usually good. I would definitely work more if they needed me, but in the past they haven't. Daycare is extremely expensive and what I would make during those 12 hours just about covers what it would cost to send Ayden to daycare those four days. Actually, it doesn't even cover it. We'd be better off if I just stayed home (assuming we'd get no assistance from the county) with Ayden. I'd do that, however I know they need me at work for a little while each week. We still receive some assistance from the county and in the summer it would probably be about $50/week which then would mean I'd be making a little bit of profit. Jay and I have bounced the idea off of each other that we find a babysitter for Ayden. This would still cost us money (and we would be receiving no help from the county), but it would cost us substantially less. As well, there is a 4K program that we can enroll Ayden in for month during the summer for $5 which would save us about $400 in daycare costs. However, it is in the middle of the summer and I can't just pull Ayden out of daycare for a month and then put him back in. And then there are the possible three weeks that the grandparents would take him... being Jay's parents, my mom, and then my dad. Not that they wouldn't love to anyways, but I am going to push them this summer because it would in turn save us probably another $200 in daycare costs. You see... the savings start to add up. Then in the long run we would probably only need the babysitter for a month in the summer. It's still something I am thinking about and trying to determine what the right path would be. I have a great friend who I would ask, however she is expecting her second child in the beginning of May and I don't want to throw another kid at her during the summer. So I'm still trying to work things out...

I think I feel so routineish lately because I've been kind of bored. I've been on and off my computer all day long and reading and watching TV. I think I need to get outside and be a little more active and get the blood flowing. Also, I need to work on my school presentations as well. Those will be due before I know it! I need to make a poster presentation on a journal article that I haven't even completely read yet. And if you know anything about journal articles they are all big words and studies and stuff that I don't particularly care about. However mine has something to do with cochlear implants (the area that I wish to specialize in someday) so it shouldn't be that uninteresting, just hard to read, lol... as if that makes any sense what so ever!

My mood isn't improved any by the fact that I am still going through a difficult time with one of my dearest friends. I want everything to go back to normal... the way it was before the big bombshell dropped, but I don't know if that is possible. I wrote him a letter explaining about I feel (that was easier for me than us talking on the phone because when we did try that I kept bursting into tears) and asked how he felt about the whole situation. We are both in a difficult position, however I would give anything just to feel like we were friends again. To have that normalcy back where neither of us has to watch what we say to the other or worry how they are going to feel about it. Our entire friendship was built on being open and honest, up front and tell it like it is (not always the best, but it is what worked for us, given the complicated nature of our past) and I want that back. I want the ease of the conversation... I want a lot of things that just might no longer be possible, but I'm hoping so... only time will tell, right? Maybe this was just another chapter in each of our lives and we are meant to part ways at this point. Oh how I wish I knew... I'm trying to stay positive and upbeat about it, but the fact that I have the whole week off doesn't help the brain functioning on and around that topic.

What I would really like to do is get out and do some rollerblading! I remember how my cousin and I used to go a lot around our old high school track. It would be normal for us to go and get out like 6 miles done in no time just chatting along... it was great! Part of me wishes I had someone close like that here in Point that I could go out and do things with. Oh, I have my ComD girlies, but we haven't been as close this year. Who has time though, right? We had each other last year when we really needed it, and it's not like we aren't still close, but we hardly ever get time for just us five to meet up and talk and/or study. We definitely need to schedule something before we graduate and all part. I found out that two of my friends only got on the waiting list for grad school and I haven’t heard about the other two. One I don’t think really cares because she is pretty sure she is going to one out of state and the other one I think would have, but then again I thought all of them would have gotten in for sure.

LATER

I made use of my time today… I feel like I accomplished quite a lot as well! I finished my book and am sort of sad because of the way it ended there is most likely going to be another one and now I have to wait for another year probably because this one just came out. However… the book itself was pretty good. There were even a few parts where I almost started crying even though it wasn’t really all that sad. Just really kind of sweet. Or maybe I am just in an ultra sappy mood lately. Lol!

After that I decided that I wanted to go through some of Ayden’s toys and get rid of a few things. Actually, I only ended up getting rid of one big thing that was taking up a lot of room and reorganized a bunch of other stuff. I am an organization queen! Lol! Anyways, I moved the end table in our living room to a different spot and I think it totally opened up our living room and gave it some more space. It looks so much bigger now! I am lovin’ it and so is Jay! Ayden was actually pretty mad when he got home and saw that it was moved. He got tears in his eyes and everything! It was cute! Well, you know… little kid cute!

We totally hit up the big blue park this afternoon! It was a little bit colder and windier than yesterday, but it was still just as fun! It wasn’t all that crowded either! We had fun running around, going down slides, and of course mommy takings lots of pictures. Ayden’s nose is still pretty runny and both Jay and I are still thinking it is allergy related, but who am I to say, it could very well be a cold. All in all it doesn’t seem to be affecting him that much.

When we got home Ayden and I worked on some worksheets and cleaned up his room a little bit. He needed two more stickers to reach a full sheet so he could get his newest transformer. I told him that if he worked good with mom on his worksheets and helped me clean his room that he could get both stickers tonight. Of course he still knows that he has to clean up the living room tonight as well. It’s been going really good and he’s been such a great little guy lately!

I even took my organization skills to the kitchen closet and organized all of Ayden’s art stuff… for probably the billionth time. I didn’t realize that he had so many coloring books! It’s nutzo! But that is okay, we will just have lots of art time this summer!

Ooohh and to make my day even better… I got to talk (well IM) an old friend for about an hour today! You see, back when I was a freshman in high school I was big on the whole yahoo messenger and internet friends thing and made this friend named Mike from Vermont. After a while he introduced me to his girlfriend, Kristy. During the summer of my sophomore year I saved all of my babysitting money and bought a plane ticket to Vermont to go and visit them. Only Kristy new that I was coming and we were going to surprise Mike. You should have seen the look on his face when he realized it was me standing in front of him! It was crazy awesome! We had a great time together! And to this day I still keep in touch with both Kristy and Mike. Actually, Kristy and I keep in better touch, but in any case, it’s been a long time. Mike and I still talk probably once every six months or so, which kind of sucks, but we have one of those super close friend bonds. It’s just great. Anyways, it was awesome to get to talk to him today because we often not online at the same time. Him and his wife are expecting their first child in about two months and are both elated! I am so excited for them as well! It made my day to be able to talk to him!

And it’s been decided that we (me, Jay, and Ayden) and my sisters (Emily and Alexis) are going to hit up a place similar to Monkey Joe’s on Saturday. If you haven’t heard of it, Monkey Joe’s is a play place full of inflatable jumpy things for families to play on. It’s lots of fun… however I found a new place that I would like to check out that seems pretty comparable except that parents get to play for free. It was Emily’s idea and since we didn’t have any other plans for the weekend we thought it would be fun. Especially since we aren’t hitting up any water parks like I had wanted this week. Oh well… this way Ayden and Alexis will get see each other and they haven’t since probably Christmas time. Wasn’t I just saying how fast the weeks were going?

Okay, if you are still with me… have a GREAT day!

CIAO! LOVE ME!