Another Book!

Jack... another book literally and figuratively. This post will probably be pretty long because I haven't written in the past couple of days, but I also did read a whole book today. It was Sunday's at Tiffany's by James Patterson. If anyone knows his books, you know that the chapters are like two pages long. It was also only 307 pages long and thus was a fast read. I read most of it while Ayden was resting today (he's been taking less and less naps recently) and finished it while he was watching a movie this afternoon. It wasn't a normal James Patterson, but it was pretty decent. Kind of predictable, but I needed a nonesense read right now. I've really started studying for the GRE and my brain is slowly becoming fried again. I haven't had a long enough break from school yet and I already have to start using my brain again. No fun! Oh well though... studying to do good is better than using the study guide that I got as a coaster and doing bad. Lol! Besides, the study guide cost me enough so I might as well make some sort of use out of it, right?

My weekend with my mom and sister visiting was really good! The weather could have been a little warmer, but for what they were calling for, we got pretty lucky. It could have been worse so I guess that I should be thankful that we got what we did. We went to the beach with my mom on Thursday afternoon. With the water still being kind of cold neither her nor I donned our swimsuits, but Ayden sure loved it again! Lots of splashes, laughs, and sand castles!

My sister ended up getting here around 2pm on Friday. That was nice because we weren't expecting her until like 7pm that night. After Ayden's nap we got our rollerblades on and did some rollerblading. Well, I took everyone to the path I do along the river and thought that we might do a little bit of that. I knew we probably wouldn't do the whole thing as I didn't think my mom would be able to do it. Emily might have been able too, but in any case we all would have been tired at the end. As it turned out, my mom's rollerblades were so old they didn't even work. She was pretty much walking in them. She ended up taking them off and just walking with me and Emily. She pushed Ayden in the stoller. I had also brought a few pieces of bread along to feed the ducks. We didn't get too far before it started to rain on us. It wasn't a downpour or anything, more like an annoying drizzle. So we headed back to the jeep and came home. That morning before Emily got here, Ayden, mom, and I went to the park, the Children's Museum, and the library. We wanted to get it all in before the bad weather came. It didn't end up storming until around 10:30pm that night and it didn't even last that long. Kind of nice that way though. It rained for a while quite heavily, but we got the windows closed in time. Jay also found out that JT was back in Point for a few days and they ended up going golfing. Good for Jay because that way he wasn't stuck at home with three women bored and he hadn't been golfing yet this summer and I knew that he had been itching to go. I know that he would probably have taken Ayden with him as well had my mom and sister not been here.

On Saturday we spent the better part of the morning at home. We watched the movie Flubber as I waited for a friend to call. I was supposed to watch her daughter for a few hours while her and her husband finished moving a few things. I called her twice and left a message, yet she didn't call me back. I was kind of irked, but oh well. So at 11 when the movie was over we decided to hit up the trail next to the river once again, only this time with the bikes. Jay was nice enough to load them up for us and drive us there. I can't get them on or off the bike rack so he did for us. However, as we were starting our biking we noticed some bad weather rolling in. This time I brought the rest of my bagels along to feed to the ducks. They loved them! And Ayden loved feeding them. Along the way we stopped in a gazebo and talked about turning around and going back to the jeep or continuing on to the park even though we could see the rain coming.

Consensus was to bike to the park, which wasn't that much father. We got to the park and wouldn't you know that only like 60 seconds after we arrive it starts to rain. And this time it is not just an annoying drizzle, it was an all out torrential downpour! Good thing there was an area that we could stand under to keep from getting wet. Before it started to downpour though, Emily and Ayden decided to go down a slide and they both ended up with wet butts. Kind of funny... While we were waiting until the roof for the rain to stop Ayden decided that he wanted to run out into the rain and check the bikes. I didn't mind because it wasn't lightening or thundering and besides, every kid needs to run out in the rain every once in a while, right? He got soaked, but was still having fun. We all decided that even though when we got to the park it started raining, it was a good thing that we had gone because if we would have gone back to the jeep we would most definitely have gotten soaked while biking. The rain didn't last for long and we soon hopped back on the bikes and headed back towards the jeep and had Jay come get the bikes. Jay also went golfing on Saturday with JT again. JT was utterly bored because he girlfriend was at work. Once again, I think it was good for Jay because he hasn't gotten out in a while to do something he's wanted or seen JT in a while. They used to go golfing once a week last summer in a golf league. I know that Jay wishes they could do the same thing again this year, but with JT living in Minnesota that is not really possible, lol.

On Sunday we pretty much stayed in the house. It was super windy and not all the warm out. We all painted for a while and watched the third Pirates of the Carribean movie because my mom had not seen it yet. Ayden fell asleep on the couch during it and I fell asleep on and off on the floor. It was a lounging day for sure. Emily ended up leaving around 3pm. She had to work bright and early this morning and my mom left this morning. My mom was nice enough to treat us to Culvers for supper last night, ice cream included, even though we had invited her for the weekend. What a great mom! We also went to the park again for a little while yesterday. Just to get out of the house for a bit. I was really tired and all I wanted to do was lay and watch TV, but because I wanted to make the most of my mom's time here we went. It was fun too and Jay even came along. I was surprised by that and this time he was actually playing with Ayden! It was a fun time!

Ayden got his very first school supply list in the mail the other day! It is just a suggested list for 4K, but even so... that means he's really really really growing up and there isn't anything that I can do about it. And speaking of 4K, today when I dropped him off at daycare the director asked if it was okay if she moved him to the 4K room already. He wasn't supposed to move until he turned four, but I guess that one of the other boys from his room was moved and has no one to play with (well he doesn't know the kids in the 4K room very well) and asked if she could move Ayden up so the other little guy would know someone. I had no qualms with it and today was Ayden's first day in the 4K room. He told me that he had lots of fun today playing with all the new toys and new friends.

Fourth of July this weekend! Actually the 4th is on Friday, which means Jay won't have to work... which means we can go home Thursday night, stay until Saturday afternoon sometime and make it home on Saturday in time to see Point's biggest fireworks display yet! I'm excited to see it and really want Ayden to as well. He isn't scared of the loud noises or anything and already told us that we need to buy some. I'm hoping that some place will have some going on Friday night as well around home and that the weather cooperates and we can take the boat out and watch them on the lake. We've been wanting to do that for a couple of years now and either haven't been able to and/or the weather wasn't good. We might even go by my mom's house for some. I know that we did that last year. And I could really use a nice bon fire right about now seeing we haven't been to any of those this year yet.

On another good note, Jay's game playing has still been at a minimum. I think it partly has to do with the past four days we've had company, but also he's really trying to change. The only down part is the increase in his trying to get some when coming to bed early. Now not that we can't have a good sex life, I just hate fending off advances EVERY night. I'd almost rather him come to bed after I'm sleeping again. Okay maybe not, but just because you are spending time with me doesn't mean I should have to fend off advances every five minutes every night. It only leads to arguements that I never want to do anything and that he always does. Typical guy though, right? Maybe too much info, but you'll survive, right?

Honestly, I find myself somewhat censoring what I write because I know that people are reading this. But the other part of me knows that if I'm treating this like any other 'note to Jack' that I should write what I'm truly feeling. Just because people are reading this doesn't mean I should be concerned what they are thinking. Everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion and will form one of me regardless, why should I care what they think? I should just write from the heart. But then again, I know that if I did, some things that I'm trying to deny feeling might come out and well we won't go there right now. For now... life has gotten tremedously better than it was in the past weeks and I'm grateful for that. The two most important people in my life are in the next room and I wouldn't trade them for the world.

Okay, different topic, I have another book to read as well. It's by Stephen King, an old one that he wrote, but I've liked quite a few of his other books so I'm kind of looking forward to reading this one as well. It isn't super long like some of the other ones either so it should go pretty fast.

My dad was talking about taking Ayden for a few days in July which would be nice. A little break, but of course like after the second day I will be missing the kid like no other. I don't know how long he wants him for, but I know that Wendy said something about my dad having some vacation days that he needs to use up and Alexis and Ayden always have so much fun together! I know Ayden is kind of shy at first, but he warms up to my dad after a little while. I can't imagine those two together for a whole week. Little miss question asker and sassy Ayden, lol! He'd come home asking all the questions and Alexis would pick up some extra sass. I really hope that they stay close friends as they grow up. Be more like cousins than aunt and nephew. Can't wait until they actually figure that out though. Alexis will be like, you are supposed to listen to your elders, and Ayden will be like yeah, I know... I'm older than you! Too cute!

We are still doing pretty good finance wise which I'm pretty relaxed about. Of course, still not going out and spending lots of whatever we want, but not searching for coins in our couch yet either. I hate worrying about money, but like I've said before, it's what makes the world go round and unfortunately, you need at least some of it to live. And I for one don't want to live in a cardboard box by the side of the river. Do you? I think that the ducks might over take it, lol!

Ayden may possibly be getting his bigger bed this weekend. Jay first needs to see if he can borrow a trailer from work to bring it back with us. I would really like to because then I can rearrange his room and I like to do stuff like that and it will give him more room to sleep. I hope that he likes it. I've been telling him for a few weeks now that he will be getting a bigger bed. Don't know if he quite gets it. Last night he slept on the air mattress we had blown up for my sister to sleep on. I put it on the floor in his room and he said that he liked sleeping on it. But tonight he wants to sleep in his bed again. I think mostly because I told him to pick up his toys and he thought if he said he was going to sleep in his little bed that he wouldn't have to pick up his toys. Wrong again little guy! He's working on that whole picking up thing right now and then bed time!

Sleeping yet?! CIAO! LOVE ME!

Short and Sweet

Jack... family still here, but a good thing. My sister is leaving a little later today and my mom tomorrow morning. Right now everyone is watching Pirates of the Carribean: At World's End, but I've seen it a million and one times and thus decided to come on here for a bit. Plus I was falling asleep in the rocking chair and didn't really want to take a nap. Otherwise I might not/probably won't be able to sleep tonight.

The weather for this weekend was kinda of cold. More so today than yesterday. We haven't really gone outside to do anything today which I guess is kind of fine. I wish that it was hotter out so we could maybe have gone to the beach or something. We've watched a lot of TV and I didn't really want to seeing that I had family visiting. But they don't seem to mind. Fine with me I guess.

I've probably gained about five pounds these past couple of days with all of the good food that I've been cooking. The manicotti last night was delicious! So many dishes to wash and clean though. Glad that my family size is only three right now because more people equals pretty much more of everything. Some day though...

I promise to write all about my weekend and even post some pictures, just might have to wait until tomorrow night...

CIAO! LOVE ME!

A few days...

I know it's been a few days... but I've been busy. Here is what I had planned to post Thursday night, but never got around to finishing it. I'll write more about my wonderful weekend with my mom and sister hopefully either tonight or tomorrow night...

‘Is Grandma here yet? When is Grandma going to be here? I want to see Grandma!’ Those were the favorite phrases of the household this morning when my mom did not arrive promptly at 8am as per she said. And thus Ayden got mad that she wasn’t here yet. She arrived by 8:30 which took forever to get to. Good thing Ayden at least got halfway sucked into Handy Manny and forgot about her coming for maybe 5 minutes. He was super excited when she got here and didn’t pull the usual shy routine. He usually doesn’t around Jay’s parents or my mom. My dad yes, because unfortunately we don’t see him as often as we would like. And however, I do have to say that he does act shy sometimes around Jay’s parents, but just when we arrive. About 10 minutes later he is fine and he never really does that when we visit my mom. Maybe because he remembers her more because we lived there for a year. Do kids really remember that sort of stuff from when they were little? I don’t know, but maybe he just feels more comfortable around her because of something he can’t quite place. Thinking all philosophical here…

This morning my mom had Ayden to herself for a while when I was at work. They put up the dinosaur posters in his room. My mom also brought him a new dinosaur book. That’s what grandma’s and grandpa’s are for… spoiling! I can’t say I would encourage teen pregnancies, but the one big advantage that I see for Ayden’s sake is getting to know his great grandparents so well. Not many kids do. I have one great grandma alive yet (LOVE that lady to pieces! J) and have vague memories of my other ones. I remember playing at my maternal grandpa’s parents (I hope that’s said right) house with old pill bottles. The harder I think about it the more that comes back to me. I can remember the smell too. I remember my dad’s grandma a little, but I think that might be more from pictures than anything else. In any case, I love that Ayden can be close to his great grandparents. I say ‘can’ because he really is only with one set and that is Jay’s mom’s parents.

We see them the most and it’s the smallest family so Ayden gets more attention. Steven was the youngest grandchild until Ayden came along (well there is little Sam, technically a step grandchild, and he lives in Iowa so we don’t see him usually more than once a year, if that) and so Ayden got all the love. Now there is Quinn, but he also lives in Iowa and thus will not be around at every family gathering either. But I love little babies, so Jay’s aunts need to get busy, lol! In any case, he see Jay’s dad’s parents enough too, but like I stated before that side of the family is so huge that it is easy to get lost in the shuffle. Not that his grandparents don’t make every effort at seeking everyone out because they do. It’s just that on those big occasions Ayden gets shy. If it was just a small gathering he would open up to them more.

On my side… well we don’t see either great grandparents all that much. When we do I find that Ayden can more easily come out of his shell with my dad’s parents than my mom’s. Maybe that’s because my dad’s parents have more grandchildren and are more kid friendly. On my mom’s side… my grandpa doesn’t really seek the younger kids out and when my grandma does she smothers him. She can’t just give him the time he needs to warm up and by not doing that she is only pushing him further away. Who knows, I’m not all that close to them either. Maybe because ¾ of the time that I see them they are drunk and/or in the process of getting there and I don’t drink.

However though, Jay’s mom’s grandparents drink and get drunk as well, but for some reason that doesn’t bother me. That’s not to say they haven’t done their fair share of stupid stuff, but maybe it’s because they are so close to begin with and his grandma actually acts like a grandma. She genuinely cares and you can tell and that’s what I love about them. And in fact, Jay’s grandpa is technically his step grandpa. Not that Jay would ever use that term because Dennis (his grandpa’s name) has been part of the family since Michele was young. Den loves Jay and Steven like they were blood and does the same with Ayden. He’s really a great guy as well! I’m so happy that Ayden can have so many loving people around him as he grows up!

Okay, enough of the sentimental crap for now. Looks like tomorrow is supposed to be some bad weather so I think we are going to hit up the beach again this afternoon. Especially since today is going to be the hottest day for the next couple. Got to take advantage of it, right? Yeah, I thought so. I got a bit burnt yesterday, but nothing too bad that it hurts. It is just a little red. A few hours of sun a day with no sunscreen will make you nice and tan and of course is super horrible for your body. But I guess in the long run it’s better than a tanning bed, don’t you think? I don’t know if I’d ever do that. Maybe if I was going on a tropical vacation in the middle of winter. That way I could be semi tan before I go and not risk getting super burnt on the first day and feeling the pain the rest of it. Lol, when am I ever going to get a tropical vacation?

CIAO! LOVE ME!

Funny observation (okay maybe not funny, but at least I kind of thought it was)... I was watching Tori and Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood last night on the Oxygen channel. For those of you who don't know what that is, it is a reality show about Tori Spelling, her husband, son Liam and her current pregnancy. Well, she isn't pregnant anymore, new baby girl a few weeks ago. Anyways, I like this show because even though they are celebrities they act like real people too. Obviously they are doing stuff that I wouldn't do (photo shoots, book tours, etc...) and buying stuff I'll probably never be able to afford (super expensive EVERYTHING) they do have their 'normal' moments. Just last night Tori was picking up dog doo-doo and they had to go house hunting because their rental was being sold. So they were looking at uber big houses, they still were concerned about money issues. But the one thing that caught my eye was Tori's jealousy issues. Her and Dean were sitting in bed at one point have a discussion that was super similar to ones that Jay and I have had on numerous occasions. It was just nice to know that they are/can be 'real' people too. That make any sense?! Plus I like almost any shows that have babies in them. Totally in love with A Baby Story, Bringing Home Baby, John and Kate Plus 8 (although they aren't babies anymore), etc... Not only are the shows super cute, it also lets me see different types of parenting styles.

I like to think that I am a good parent, but I know I have my moments. But no one is perfect. I think the one thing that bothers me a lot is how people react to Ayden's shyness. It's not so much that they react to it I guess, but how they pursue talking to him. He is overly shy... and we all know who he gets that from, his MOMMY! Lol, okay, so maybe he just is shy and he didn't get it from me. In any case, he does not like strangers (probably a good thing) and will instantly try to hide his face, ie: running behind me, burying his head into me, etc... Well a lot of people continue to try and get his attention. The more they do this the worse he gets. I try and get him to come out of his shell, but it usually only makes things worse. Give him a while and he will open up, but that usually isn't what happens. Everyone always wants to talk to him and so on and so forth. I'm sure a lot of people probably think he's a mute because he sometimes doesn't say two words around people he doesn't know, but that is definitely not the 'real' Ayden. The 'real' Ayden tells stories left and right at home. He is constantly now doing pretend play and will not stop talking sometimes. Of course, he is no Alexis when it comes to the questions. She definitely has him beat with that.

Speaking of her, I was put into my first somewhat akward situation with Alexis this past weekend while at Sundae on the farm. We were on the wagon ride and she was sitting on my lap and noticed that the lady next to us, who happened to be kind of elderly, had some rather prominent vericos (sp?) veins. The ever questioning Alexis asked me why her legs looked like that. Well because it was kind of noisy I don't think that the lady overheard, and thus started my attempt at giving her an explanation. And overall, I think I did okay. She didn't ask any more questions about it so it must have been suffice. Or she just got bored with my explanation. Lol!

I want to make welcome posters with Ayden to put on the door when my mom and sister come. We have to go to Walmart later so that is when I will get the poster paper. I hope Ayden has fun making them. Speaking of posters, my mom found some awesome dinosaur posters at Good Will and she got them for Ayden to put up in his room. The thing is, they have a picture on both sides so he has to choose which side he wants showing. Well I wanted to get them laminated because they are pretty nice posters and that way niether side will be ruined by sticky tack or tape when they are put up. I called Staples to see what their laminating cost was... $2/square foot. Well, the posters are 6 sq ft x $2 equals $12/poster x 6 posters equals $72 for complete lamination. I guess I don't like those posters that much. I thought it was a ridiculously high amount. So I checked to see what the Print and Design center on campus would charge. Turns out they don't do posters bigger than 11 x 17". Kinda bummed about it all, but I'm not that rich. And we don't have a Kinkos anywhere near us and I don't know of any other place that will laminate for a decent price. I suppose that we could buy some laminating paper and do it ourselves, but I'm afraid of messing up and wrecking the posters.

Ayden and I went to the beach again this afternoon. This time I wore my new swimsuit and totally worked it. Lol... or not. We had lots of fun though. I brought along two of Ayden's boats that he uses in the tub to play with and at one point he took both of them into the water with him and ended up losing one. I tried explaining to him what happened and before we knew it a super nice lady came up and asked us if we had lost a boat. She said her and her kids found it floating down the river. Ayden and I were so thankful! Apparently we were meant to go home with the two boats that we came with. It wouldn't have been a tragic loss since the toy was only like a $1.50 from Walmart, but you know kids with their toys. And my little guy who is usually so super shy actually said thank you and it was decipherable. Another yeah!

We didn't stay as long as we did yesterday, but that was okay. Got home and Ayden had a bit of a rest time. No nap, but that's okay too. He didn't have one yesterday and we managed to forgo any major meltdowns before bed. Always good!

I watched P.S. I Love You today and I hated it! No really, I loved it, but I cried practically the whole time. Those writers sure know how to pull at your heart strings. It was so romantic and sad at the same time! They would have a funny scene going and then something little would change and the water works would start up all over again, but in a good way. Definitely recommend it!

I got a letter from Lee earlier this week and still haven't written him back. I mostly just haven't gotten around to it and sort of just don't feel like it. Great friend I am right? But it kind of bites because his letter didn't address anything that I had previously written him and that kind made me sad. Only because I was pretty depressed the last time I wrote him and was seriously looking for some advice and he didn't offer any. What good is he as a best friend if he won't offer any advice? Okay, so maybe it's a guy thing. They just can't get all sentimental like us girls. Well they probably can, just choose not to. But he did say that things are progressing pretty good for him and he had good results from the meeting he had the other day so that is good. Getting things all sorted out... August is looking to be better and better, but of course it wouldn't help to get his hopes up or anything because the moment he would, would be the moment he finds out it will be another year. He just needs to keep his mind open to things and keep on the path that he is! I have faith in him!

I suppose that I could do some cleaning tonight before my mom comes over in the morning, but why bother. She won't care and it will only be making more work for me...

I should really be studying for the GRE, getting to be almost a month and then I have to take it. I hate thinking about it. I still have to go and get a tetanus shot, TB test, and titers done. Love it! Or not!

CIAO! LOVE ME!

Beach Babes!

Jack! Ayden and I were totally beach babes today. Okay so maybe just he was. I didn't have my swim suit on and wasn't really feeling so babeish (spelt right? even a word?). We had lots of fun though. I decided that we were going to skip nap time today and head to the beach instead because it was so nice and warm and we haven't been to the beach yet for swimming. Packed up the sand toys, towels, chairs, snacks, sun screen, swim suit for Ayden, and off we headed after I picked him up from daycare. He was excited to know that he didn't have to take a nap.

The water was a lot colder than I expected it to be for this time of the summer already, but I guess that we haven't had that much of super warm weather this summer yet either. After spending a few minutes in the water you get used to it and it actually felt pretty nice. There was a lot of little stones though when you walked right in and it kind of hurt. Ayden didn't seen to have a problem with it, but I almost thought about wearing my sandals into the water. We walked out a little farther to where the sand was and then it was better.

At first I didn't think that Ayden would get into the water as much as he did, but after a few minutes he was splashing galore and trying to get me as wet as he could. It was fun splashing him as well. He even got a little gutsy and travelled farther from me than I would have liked, but given that the water doesn't even get than high and it's not as if the river has all that much of an actual current I wasn't super paranoid. We made it through the swimming excursion without any falls under the water. He did put his head in a little bit though which was cute. He even tried to drink some of the water, but that was a big no no. But it tastes good he kept telling me, but of course we still couldn't have him drinking it. A few mouthfuls by accident are okay, but glassfuls are a definite no no.

We ended up staying for almost two hours and then we headed home. Ayden had to go potty and they don't have any near the beach. Kind of weird I know, but the nearest ones are far enough away that I didn't want to take Ayden and leave all of stuff behind so we packed up and went home. He made it until we got home to go potty which I was very proud of. Nothing like having to clean pee out of a carseat. The rest of the afternoon was spent relaxing, not quite napping... and more playing. Ayden and I were hitting a balloon around and wrestling on the futon. He definitely is his father's child.

Yesterday my best friend stopped over on her way home and spent the night. It was good to see her again, even though we talk nearly everyday. We haven't seen each other since February. We had a good time chatting it up and even went out for Cold Stone ice cream as Ayden was going to bed. We get along super great, but sometimes I just don't think she gets it. Well the whole being a parent thing. For me it's all about Ayden and he is what comes first in my life. And I guess sometimes I just don't get her life either because some of the things that she is so concerned about I think are so trivial and I am sure that some of the things that I get concerned about or excited about probably seem pretty trivial to her as well. Like when Ayden recognizes another letter or does something for the first time.

Got to get things ready tomorrow for my mom and sister coming up. I made up a menu today while I was cooking supper. Well making noodles and throwing some beef tips into the microwave. Probably the first time that I have made an actual menu in over a year. There are a few things that I want to get at the store tomorrow, well NEED to get is more like it. Otherwise my menu is worthless.

I've been watching my sister's collection of chick flicks this week so far. License to Wed on Sunday night... pretty good I guess. Had some pretty funny parts, but a rather predictable ending. 27 Dresses yesterday which I also thought was pretty good and Just Like Heaven today and I have to tell you that one had me crying at TWO different spots. Actual tears coming down my cheeks. That doesn't happen very often. There was a movie on the ABC Family channel a while back (the name escapes me right now) and when I watched it I had the tears coming down my cheeks again. So it was on again a few months after that and I knew that I would cry at the end and decided to watch it anyways (really good movie) and kept telling myself that because I already knew the end that I wouldn't cry. And I thought I was doing pretty good, I made it almost to the end, and then of course they get to the sad part and the tears spring up again. How can they catch your emotions like that? Lol... I'm a sucker for a good chick flick though. I have P.S. I Love You, Music and Lyrics, and Because I Said So to watch yet. I think tomorrow is P.S. I Love You... we will have to see.

Oh, so a little interesting fact about Jay and his game playing. One would have thought that seeing my friend was over last night that Jay would have just retreated to his computer while I was spending time with her. Well, kind of suprising, he didn't go on it at all and spent the time chatting it up with us and actually went to bed about a half hour before me. And it's not like I went to bed late. Really confusing... so, we will see how long he is on tonight and tomorrow because Thursday thru Sunday night he will not be able to go on very late. Who knows?

A new episode of Deadliest Catch is on now so I am gonna get going... CIAO! LOVE ME!

Picture Post

A few pictures of the past couple of days...

Family picture in front of Lake Winnebago.
Ayden playing at Columbia Park!
Ayden venturing in the water at the beach. First time their this summer was today! Well actually going to swim that is...
Ayden getting a little more risky and walking across the river. Not too worried because it doesn't get much higher than his waste at the area he is in and the current is almost non exsistent. I was surprised he got so gutsy and went so far from me.

Ayden chillin' in the chair watching some TV... cartoons I'm sure.
The card that Ayden made for Daddy. I wrote the stuff on another piece of paper so Ayden would know what he was supposed to write. He did very good!
Grandma, Auntie Emmy, and Ayden at the top of the tower at Columbia Park!
Ayden standing in front of the tower!
The wonders of picture editing tools on my computer!

Hopefully I will be motivated to write a little bit later. We'll see how the rest of the afternoon progresses... Until later. CIAO! LOVE ME!

Wonderful Weekend

Jackers... It's time for a book and by that I mean to write one. That is what happens when I take a few days off of my venting and ranting and raving. Lol... but I know that you don't care, do you? You're here to listen to whatever I have to say and offer your silent advice. Not that I ever get anything from your advice, but sometimes silence is better than anything else.

The rest of my Friday went pretty well. Jay got home earlier than normal, but I was expecting him so that was okay. Ayden and I made him a little card before he got home. It was also more practice for Ayden when it comes to writing his letters. Ayden really enjoyed making it as well. And I know that Jay enjoyed getting it. We did end up stopping at Taco Bell before we headed off to Chilton. I was all ready for Ayden to eat his tacos good because he likes them so much at home, but he wouldn't touch it. And all it was was meat and cheese and a soft shell. The same thing exact thing we make. He didn't even like the cinnamon twists they had. I have to admit that the tacos and cinnamon twists were really good and the fruitista freeze thing was even better! I definitely want to go back and get another one. Plus the tacos are really cheap too! When we got back to Chilton we headed over to Jay's aunt and uncle's house to help set up an extra tent for the wedding reception on Saturday. Of course Ayden was super shy, but oh well. Ayden ended up biking from their house back to Jay's parents. I didn't think it would be that far, but once we started walking back with Ayden it probably was a little less than a mile. Ayden did really good and only said he was getting tired once and we were almost to the house. I can't remember what time Ayden ended up going to bed that night, but I know it wasn't at 8pm, but it also wasn't super late either.

Saturday was a really busy day for us, but then again it is always a busy time for us when we go home. We went to my mom's house in the morning and pretty much spent most of the day there until it was time to go to the party. We played outside for a while and then had some super good lasgana for lunch. It was a new recipe (well how much can you vary lasgana) that my mom was trying and it was actually pretty yummy. She added some corn, beans, and peas to it and I really liked it. I wish that Ayden would have tried it, but I knew that he wasn't going to so my mom (the ever loving grandma that she is) made Ayden some french toast for lunch and he loved that. She let him help with it as well and he really liked that. After lunch we headed down to Columbia park by the lake and climbed the big tower. It wasn't the first time that Ayden has climbed the tower. I thought that he would be scared, but he loved it and charged all the way up! He didn't want to stay at the top too long because he wanted to throw rocks into the lake so down we went. When we got to the bottom I could really feel all of that stair climbing in my thighs, but I had no idea what I was in for on Sunday. I didn't think that just climbing those few stairs would make any difference, but I guess I am just getting old. Lol... okay, whatever, right?! Then we played at the park for a little while before heading back to my mom's house. Once back there we played outside some more, ate some ice pop things (not sure what you want to call them, but you know, those long skiny things that have juice in and then you freeze them and they are super yummy). Ayden had like three or four and they were the big ones too. Way to go auntie Emmy and grandma for giving into him.

We also got some bad weather at my mom's house while we were there. It started out as a little rain which turned into pea size hail. It lasted for maybe three minutes and then we all went outside to look at it. Ayden was eating it... yuck! But what can you do, it was just ice. My mom took some pictures. We actually got quite a bit, but no damage to anything. It was really weird to walk barefoot on the grass with the hail on it and have your feet feel so cold but it also be so warm out. I know, I'm crazy. So... we meandered around outside for a little bit longer before we decided to head back to Jay's parents to grab some sweatshirts and pants before going to the party.

Oh... Ayden got his first sliver at my mom's house too. He was running his hand along the porch railing and in it went. Right between his thumb and first finger. And boy did he scream. I was helping my mom take clothes off the clothline at the time and Emily was playing with him in front of the house and all I could hear was him crying 'I want my mommy!' I thought for a second that he might have gotten a bee sting because where they were playing was a bush with a lot of bees flying around, but Emily told me it was a sliver. So, inside we went where we layed Ayden down on the living room floor. Me practically on top of him trying to hold him still and talking to him while Jay and Emily went after the sliver in the hand. Between the two of them they were able to get the whole thing out. It was about a half an inch long so we needed to get it out. Otherwise I might have considered leaving it in to work its way out, but I didn't want it to get infected. Ayden made it through that ordeal and was tear free about two minutes after the sliver came out. Of course though that wasn't the end of the tears before we left. As we were walking to the truck to leave Ayden decides to take a run for it and slips arms first into the mud and gravel of my mom's driveway. He stands up and starts crying 'Oh boy oh boy'. He had mud all over his arms and legs, but we quickly got that washed up and finally made it into the truck to leave. He ended up with an arm full of scratches, but nothing that drew blood. Thank goodness too! Back at Jay's house we washed up and grabbed our warm clothes and headed off to the party.

The wedding reception was pretty good. The food was okay. Ayden ate pretty well considering. All he wanted was cake, and who's to blame him... I mean we are talking Grandma Hoerth cake here! Finally the time came for cake and everyone was happy. And by everyone, I'm sure it was just more than me and Ayden and Jay. We were even lucky enough to stop by on Sunday and get to bring some home with us. I wanted Grandma Hoerth to make Ayden's birthday cake, but unfortunately they won't be able to make it to his party this year. That kind of bites, but they said they are going to try and come up on the Monday following the party so that will be fun. Besides, they will be bringing the best gift of all. A TV for Ayden. They got a new one for their kitchen and didn't have a use for their old one so since we were looking for a replacement for our portable DVD player (which is currently in the process of taking a poop) for Ayden to watch movies in his room... Jay brought up the idea of them giving their old TV to Ayden for his birthday. I can't wait to see the look on Ayden's face when he sees what he got. I know what you're thinking... a TV in a four year olds room. Isn't that a little young. Well, I don't think we are going to hook anything up to it so he gets actually TV, just a DVD player from our room and possibly our VCR so he can watch movies in there when he wants to. Yeah, like the kid doesn't already get enough TV. At least we haven't watched Jurassic Park in about a week. I probably shouldn't have said that though because just watch him ask for it when he gets up from his nap.

Anywhoo... the cake was delicious. Ayden was super shy as always, but slowly warmed up to people as the night wore on. I really wish that we would get to see everyone more often so he wouldn't be so shy around them, but then again there are so many of them that he wouldn't remember them all anyways. Heck, even I don't remember EVERYONE all the time. Especially with all the new babies that keep being born. One more to add to the list. Jay's cousin has a new daughter and another cousin is due soon. Just need to wait for another announcement that someone else is expecting because it will happen. That's okay though, I love how big that family is and for the most part everyone is pretty close. I know that their are certain family feuds and probably more than I know about, but in the end I know that everyone loves each other (at least I think so) and that is really all that matters. Right? I want a big family, okay maybe not 12 kids, but like 4 or 5. Whatever happens, happens. It's not really in my hands. And if I'm destined to just have Ayden, well that is enough too. I'm just grateful to be a mom because honestly there is nothing better than that in the whole world. Not millions of dollars, not degree after degree, not a super great job, not any award for anything thing... expect maybe the award of 'Greatest Mom' but I think every mom should consider themselves that.

Goodness, I told you this would be a book... I just keep getting off track of what all happened during my weekend. So, once again, back to the party. Ayden even got brave enough to bust a move on the dance floor. It was so funny and cute. I wish I would have had my camera along to take some pictures, but I forgot it at Jay's house. I probably could have just drove to get it seeing it's so close, but I didn't bother. I also got to talk to an old classmate of mine. I was going to say old friend, but that might imply that we still are friends and I don't think that is how you would classify our relationship. It's sad to say that seeing she was my best friend from like before kindergarden thru 8th grade, but somehow we just grew apart. It was good to get to talk to her again. We were not very civil to each other during high school and I don't really know why, but in any case, we caught up a little bit which was good. It's good to hear from people how proud they are of what Jay and I are doing with our lives. I know I don't need anyone's approval, but sometime I just need to hear that I'm doing a good job with Ayden and school and work and keeping everything balanced. It's definitely not a living hell hole, but somedays are definitely worse than others and I wonder if I'm really cut out for this. But that little boy sleeping in his bed right now lets me know everyday just how much I mean to him. So I keep telling myself that I can do it, I know I can! Just like the little engine that could! Lol!

We ended up leaving the party around 10pm and going home. Ayden was getting tired and cranky and he actually slept until 9am the next morning. He probably would have slept longer, but I woke him up. He didn't need to be sleeping longer than that, especially since I was already awake. That way he got enough sleep and would still sleep at night when we got back to Point. We had some yummy pancakes for breakfast and then went to Sundae on the Farm with my dad, Wendy, and Alexis. Ayden was pretty crabby for most of it, but I know that he did enjoy seeing the cows, calves, kittens, chickens, goats, and even the cutest little lab puppy. We had ice cream, milk, and even went on a tractor ride. I think that that was Ayden and Alexis's favorite part. Oh, they both also got their face painted. Alexis went first and got a flower and then Ayden went and got a dinosaur. It was too cute! I would have liked to spend a little more time with them, but we headed out around 2pmish I think and went back to Jay's house where Ayden and I took a little nap while the storm rolled through. We decided to leave around 4pm, but of course didn't actually get on the road until about 4:30-4:45pm and got home around 6pm. We ran into two wicked storm clouds on our way where it was raining pretty hard that we couldn't see the road very well. Good thing Jay was driving (even though I get super nervous when he drives). One time it was even hailing, but it never lasted for very long. We got home and looked behind us and all we was were super dark storm clouds. We were glad that we left when we did because otherwise we probably would have hit rain the whole way home. It was sunny and nice here in Point though!

We got home just as a group of people were leaving from our neighbors upstairs apartment. I was kind of glad that we were gone for the weekend because just catching snipits of their conversation it sounded like they had a pretty good time. And that translates into loud time which wouldn't have made me very happy. I hope that this upcoming weekend is a quiet weekend because my mom and sister are coming up and it would just be super annoying. So us going home and her having friends over this past weekend worked out quite nice.

Jay and I are doing pretty good again. We had a relatively good weekend with no real arguments or fights. Believe it or not he hasn't been on his game since Wednesday night. That is four nights WITHOUT his game! OMG! I definitely thought he would go on last night, but instead we watched a movie together in bed. I think he had ulterior motives, but I wasn't having any of that because I was just too tired and my thighs hurt too much! Seriously, yesterday was horrible when it cameto my thighs. One would have thought I'd done a marathon of work or something they hurt so bad! Today has definitely been better though. I can walk up and down stairs without flinching every single step. Also, I thought Jay would be on his computer super long tonight, but my best friend is coming over and spending the night so their goes that plan. Pretty much when I go to bed he will most likely be coming seeing that she will be sleeping in the living room and that is where his computer is. So he will get Tuesday night and Wednesday night to play because Thursday my mom is coming up and staying until Monday morning. Which means he will have to be off by like 11pm at the latest Thursday night thru Sunday night. I know, I shouldn't be so happy, but I kind of am. Although, if he keeps true to his word, he wouldn't be on that late anyways.

I've actually given some thought to it and here's what I've come up with. I like him spending time with me while I am awake, like cuddling in bed or on the couch watching a little TV. And I guess I wouldn't mind if he wasn't tired when I decide that I want to fall asleep and goes to play his game. Because when I fall asleep I need to be not touched (unless I'm dead tired). That way, we get to spend some time together and he still gets to play his game. I was just really bent out of shape about not getting any time with him. In any case, things seem to be headed in the right direction. Always a good thing right?!

As I said, my mom and sister are coming up this weekend. Actually my mom is coming up Thursday morning and Emily is coming up Friday after work. The weather looks like rain right now, but the weathermen are never right so I won't get upset yet. I want it to be nice and hot so we can go to the beach and play outside a lot. Nothing like them coming up here and being stuck inside the whole weekend. It's always fun when they visit though. We are going to go to the children's museum, ride bikes, rollerblade, frequent the park, maybe feed some ducks, hopefully go swimming, draw with side walk chalk. All sorts of outdoors stuff. Bring on the sunshine and warmth!

Okay... I suppose that I should go now. Hopefully I can get some pictures poster later tonight of our weekend! CIAO! LOVE ME!

Waiting To Exhale

Jack...Was last night the last night of fighting? I sure hope so, but I'm not going to think too hard about it just yet. Things may get better, things may stay the same. Only time will tell... but last night was one of those fights that start out bitter, dig into everything little thing and then end up good. No arguing or loud voices, lots of he said she said going around, but in the end we both agreed that things need to change in order for things to get better and vowed to work on it so things don't get worse. A step in the right direction? I don't really know, I definitely hope that we don't have the same arguement two days or even a week from now. And that is exactly what I told him, and of course he said the same thing. Is it down to a waiting game?

Back again... Friday now... I kind of stopped writing that yesterday afternoon and never got back to it because after Ayden went to bed last night Jay and I layed down and watched some tv together. I was all well and prepared to come back on and finish this, but I figured that if he wanted to spend some time with me I might as well take advantage of it. Who knows how long this is going to last.

This morning has been spent picking up the apartment and packing for the weekend. So much stuff to remember to bring along. Still have a few things to get packed yet. Jay called a little while ago to let me know that they are only working until 2pm today and then they will have their 40 hours in. That is good because then we can leave a little earlier and won't get home at like 7pm. Taco Bell for supper tonight. I really just want one of their drinks, but Jay likes eating there so I guess I will give it a try. I am not a big taco fan, but it's not going to kill me.

This is kind of short, but stuff to do and time stops for no man... wait really it stops for no woman! Lol... Until Sunday night probably...

CIAO! LOVE ME!

Ramen and Cinnamon Rolls!

Jack- last night supper consisted of ramen noodles and cinnamon rolls. I know, super healthy, right? Well, we weren't exactly shooting for healthy though, just something to eat. Ayden and I shared a bowl and then for our snack we made a pack of small cinnamon rolls. They were super yummy! We need to do some grocery shopping, really lacking on any food that I'm hungry for around here. But since we are going home for the weekend we prolly won't do a good grocery purchase until early next week. Tonight we had mac and cheese... although for some reason I am starting to really dislike the smell of it. I could barely force it down my throat tonight and we really don't eat it all that often. At least I don't think we do...

I went shopping at Kohls today and I really didn't spend all that much money. I was pretty proud of myself. I bought two shirts for Ayden that have dinosaurs on and get this... they came from the boys section and not the baby section. My little man fits into boy size clothing! I cannot believe it! Of course I knew this point would come, but it's hard to really believe that he's growing so big. Some of those looks and things he says to me are such little boy looks. Especially the cocky sassy ones. I wonder where he gets those from?! Lol. Anywhoo, he got two shirts, I found two shirts for Jay, and I bought a new swim suit. I totally didn't need the swimsuit, but it was on sale and too cute to pass up! I tried on a bunch of other stuff, but really didn't like how any of it looked on me. Looked good on the hanger, but that was it. That's okay though because I didn't need to spend too much money. And I even got $10 Kohls cash to spend next week. Always a good thing!

After Ayden and my nap today we went to the park. Well actually I drove to the river and then rollerbladed with Ayden in the stroller to the park. Then we ran around the park for a little while. Ayden made a new little buddy. They were running around and having fun and then it was back to rollerblading back to the car. Total amount rollerbladed today... 4 miles! Yeah me! And my snacking today was down to nothing! Always a good thing as well! But I was just about dead by the time that we got back to the car. It was a good thing that we took a break at the park because I don't think I could have bladed 4 miles all in one shot. Maybe after a little more getting in shape, but just not yet. Ayden was very good the whole time though and thus got his prize tonight. He was supposed to get it last night, but he wasn't listening very well last night and actually got a toy taken away for not listening. He was not very happy, but he needed to learn.

No change on the front of where Jay and his game is involved. So nothing really new to report there. It's pretty much become a daily occurence of us fighting about something or another. Should I just get used to it? Last night was the same and we went to bed not speaking to each other and of course he acted like nothing happened this morning. Also, I'm getting sick of him not helping with Ayden in the morning. I could lay in bed until 10 minutes before I had to leave too, but then who would make sure Ayden got breakfast and got dressed and what not?

Speaking of morning, Ayden thought it would be fun to get up at 5am this morning! He hasn't gotten up that early in years! And he didn't even go to bed that early last night. He was up at 9pm when I turned his light off. But I think that because it is light out at 5am now that he can see it through his shades and he thinks that it is time to get up then. Wrong! I told him that it was too early and that he needed to go back and lay down in bed, but he said that he didn't want to. Instead then I told him that he had to lay down on the couch and I would turn on cartoons for him. He layed down then and watched cartoons until I decided to get up at about 7am. There was no reason for him to be up so early. Needless to say, he took a pretty decent nap today. I took a nice one too. I don't know why I was so tired because I didn't go to bed late and I slept pretty good.

Lately I've been feeling kind of dizzy during the day. It's hard to explain, but my head doesn't feel just right. It's not pounding like a headache and I don't necessarily get dizzy when I stand or walk around, but it feels like something in my head won't stop spinning. It's been going on for a few days now and at first I thought it might have been because I didn't have any caffeine the first day and that was why, but I've had some caffeine the last few days and it doesn't seem to have gotten any better. I feel fine right now, but earlier when I was eating supper it was almost unbearable. I guess I will see how it goes for a few days yet.

Time to get Ayden ready for bed now... my night to read to him. It's actually a part of the day that I enjoy and I am glad that Jay has gotten into the groove of reading to him as well. And I'm sure it will be something that we continue for quite a few years yet. At least I hope so! I know that Ayden really likes it! CIAO! LOVE ME!

What Tomorrow May Bring

I'm sure no one wants to hear that Jay and I fought yet again yesterday morning, but unfortunately that is precisely what happened. Saturday night it was 3am... Sunday night 1am. Or maybe I should say Sunday morning 3am... Monday morning 1am. I didn't start anything, simply just ignored him when I got up Monday morning. Didn't want to talk to him, be touched by him, just wanted to be left alone. Of course he noticed my 'attitude' as he called it and asked if I was mad. I told him I wasn't mad, because I wasn't... just sick and tired of all of this shit. Which of course led into some arguing and him stomping out of the house on the way to work. But the funny thing was that he acted like nothing happened when he got home after work. How can you simply forget it? I can't simply forget that he spends every night on the computer versus with me. I can't simply get over it. Should I simply get over it? He came to bed last night at 9:45ish, but of course I'm assuming it's only because we got into a fight in the morning. How can I assume that that isn't the reason behind it? And how long will that last, just for last night? What's going to go on tonight? And what will the reason be behind it?

This weekend will be the first of the next three that we will be busy. Going home (funny, you'd think I'd think of Point as my home now, but still call Chilton 'home') this weekend for a wedding reception of Jay's cousin. However, since we haven't been home in the last six weeks, gosh that's got to be one of the longest times that we've managed to stay in Point for at once, we're definitely going to have to make a stop at my mom's and I'd like to stop at my dad's because we didn't go home last weekend for Father's Day. Next weekend my mom and sister are coming for a visit and the weekend after is July 4th and we hope to be able to go out on the boat with Jay's parents for fireworks since we haven't gotten to do that yet. Well go out on the boat this year or for the past three for fire works. Then it's a weekend off and then I get to go to Six Flags. Getting more exicted about that as well!

I hope that the weather is nice this weekend because I'd hate to see where they are going to put everyone for the wedding reception if it rains (well maybe they will have a tent, don't really know) but Jay's dad's side of the family is super huge and then I don't know how big the grooms side is so if the weather is bad where will everyone go?

Gonna hit up Kohl's tomorrow! They are having a big sale, well when aren't they having a big sale, and I want to see if they have anything I like. Plus it's buy $50, get $10! And I haven't done any shopping in a long time. Not just for me, but for Ayden or Jay as well. We've been very good. I haven't even gotten any summer clothes for Ayden. My mom bought him some shorts that were on sale awhile back and he still fits into a few pair from last year and he's got plenty of t-shirts so I figured I would save the money for the pants he will need in the fall. By then he WILL need some clothes so that is what will be going on with that, lol. And really, like I need any more clothes, but a girl can never have too many, right? At least that is what I think!

I totally needed a chocolate fix last night and after Jay got home from work he said he was going to run to Walmart to get an ITunes card so I had him pick of a 6 pack of Hersheys bars... and I definitely filled that chocolate fix when I ate two of them. Yes, that's right, you read that right... TWO! They were SO good! And I will be having another one with Ayden when he gets up from his nap. After his nap and our chocolate fix we might head off for some rollerblading to the park. That is if the weather holds up. We'll see then.

CIAO! LOVE ME!

Needed to Smile

I needed to smile tonight because I've been so depressed all day that at about 5:45pm (before we had eaten supper) I decided that I was going to take Ayden to the park. I totally didn't ask Jay and just told him that we were leaving and we went. Jay usually doesn't want to come with us anyways and when he does, he just follows Ayden around and doesn't really play with him. I didn't want him to feel like he had to come so we left without him. It was so nice! Ayden and I were running around and playing a revised game of hide and seek. The park is big and had a decent number of people at it so I told him that I couldn't cover my eyes when he went to 'hide' because there were too many people. He was fine with that and he just kept hiding in the same two areas, which happened to be tubes at opposite ends of the park. It felt good to smile and laugh and just have fun with him! I should have brougth my camera, but didn't. Oh well...

Then we got home at I made supper at 7pm, I know kind of late, eh? Ayden wanted hamburger helper and so that is what I made. Bath time afterwards and then off to bed. Hopefully he doesn't wake up tonight with a belly ache. He said that his cheeks made his belly hurt. Don't know how that works exactly, but oh well. At least it didn't carry over into today.

Wondering how tonight will go when it comes to Jay. I think he's kind of noticed that I've been quieter than usual today. I've answered his questions, but usually with only one word. He even said that it was hard to make conversation with me today. Sorry I said. I know I probably shouldn't 'retaliate' this way, but it might be the only thing that works. Because talking about it sure doesn't. We are going home next weekend, what in the world will he do without his game for two whole nights! He might just have to come to bed with me. Scary thought, huh? I didn't think I was that much of a bed and blanket hog. Lol... just trying to make light of the situation.

Okay, so back to work tomorrow and maybe I'll find another book to read. At least that way when I'm being neglected I won't feel so depressed about it. Just need to escape into someone else's fictional world. Seems to work other times!

CIAO! LOVE ME!

Too Hot Water!

Jack Jack Jack... Guess what?! At our old apartment (which seems like ages ago that we lived there, but really it's only been a year. Btw, I can't believe that we lived there for a whole two years. Crazy how small it seems compared to where we are now, but it was a great place and I won't ever forget some of the memories we made there) okay... so at our old apartment the water from the shower was warm, but never quite hot enough for me. Even when I had it turned all the way up it still had that twinge of coldness in it and I hated taking showers because I would always feel a little cold. When we moved that was the thing I was looking forward to the most, having water come out of the shower head that was TOO hot for me. At our new place I usually have the water turned all the way up and what do you know, perfect temperature! I absolutely love taking showers here because I don't feel cold and want to get out right away. Even better is that for the last couple of weeks the hottest setting of water has become TOO hot for me and I have to turn it down. How great is that, TOO hot of water in the shower. Greatness because I love it! Just felt the need to share that!

I'm sure you're all sick of my constant complaining about Jay and WOW (World of Warcraft), but I need to vent and that is pretty much what this whole journal/blog is for me... so deal with it. This game is seriously getting to me and I don't know what to do anymore. We've talked and talked and talked about it and how I feel about the game, but NOTHING changes! And I mean nothing! What else can I do? What else is there to do? Just put up with it? Deal with it? How can I? It's become a constant source of animosity between us! Even though I try my hardest not to let it bother me... it still does!

A potential fight was brewing between Jay and I last night/this morning, but I've essentially given up. When I decided to go lay down in bed at 9:30pm last night Jay told me that he had this quest that he wanted to do on his game and even came into the bedroom once and told me that he didn't think it would take long because there were a bunch of other people that were going to help him. He said that he would be in in a little bit. Okay, I bought that, didn't care (even though he was on his computer for most of the day). At 3am I heard Ayden's door open and after a bit didn't hear the toliet flush. I also noted that Jay was not in bed with me and the light in the living room was on. I quietly opened the bedroom door so as not to let on that I was coming out to investigate. To which I found Ayden sitting on the couch and Jay saying, hold on a second daddy will be right with you. At that point he went over to his computer to finish something and I went to the bathroom. After that I came out into the living room to see why Ayden was on the couch and Jay informed me that Ayden said he didn't feel good. Jay was still up so I let him handle it, Ayden wasn't asking for me anyways. Jay then came into the bedroom and said that Ayden wanted to sleep on the futon with Jay. I said fine and then went back to sleep. I was all ready to be pissed when I realized it was 3am and Jay was STILL not in bed and was on the computer pretty much all day, but then with Ayden up I just didn't have the heart to get into it with him at that time. I couldn't even get myself to send Sam the text that I have prewritten. I also decided that I would just blow it off and not say anything about it today. Is that the right thing? I'm just so sick of fighting about it and getting nowhere. We talk about the same shit over and over that I just can't do it anymore.

If he thinks I talk too much to Lee... well it's only because he's pushing me away! Going to bed 25 out of 30 nights alone isn't exactly good for a relationship, is it? Especially when you have the chance to? Some people don't get the luxury, you'd think he'd want to take advantage of it. Whatever... shit happens, can't I just use that?

On the upside though, Ayden is feeling better today. Acting as if he doesn't even remember not feeling good last night. And the weather is good again. He's playing with his little dinosaurs from the eggs we got at the store from his prize bag and a boat. Like I've said before, the pretend scenarios he comes up with now are incredible. I can't believe his little mind can get so complex. Well not that I'm trying to dumb him down. One more thing that proves he's getting older and smarter by the day! My toddler transformed into a preschooler and it's not going to stop. I can only hope that it takes a while before he's 16 and wanting to drive. I need those years! Lol...

CIAO! LOVE ME! (Trying to think positive, but not getting very far. At least Ayden has put some smiles on my face thus far today!)

Friday Night Phone Call

Jack... So technically I knew that Lee was going to call on Friday night, but did I think that he would seriously call, not really. And thus mostly why I didn't tell Jay that a possible phone call was coming. Of course I was going to tell him about it after I ended the call, but Jay came into the bedroom before the call was over. Very unusual since he 'normally' is on his game a lot later than 9pm, but in any case, he didn't look too happy about it. I didn't talk much longer on the phone after that. First off because the hour alloted on the phone was almost up and secondly I didn't want to piss Jay off anymore. Now Jay and I could have gotten into a fight about it and we almost did, but instead we had a 'discussion' about it. Once again, of course nothing was fixed or gotten over, but I guess it helps for Jay to get his feelings out and well me some the same. And we did talk a little about his game playing too, but once again... got no where. At least in my eyes.


Speaking of game playing... Jay took an 'attitude' day off from work on Friday. As my mom would call it. He called in and said he wasn't feeling good and stayed home. I was fine with it because lately his boss has been taking such big advantage of Jay and well Jay hasn't actually taken a day off in I can't remember how long. He's had days/hours off because of the weather, but that's it. So, he stayed home yesterday and actually helped me clean the apartment. But he also spent a lot of the day on the computer, as he has done today. I didn't think much of it and didn't really care because I started a new book. Yeah I know, I couldn't help myself. It was called Me and Emma and if you didn't catch the 'was' it's because I finished it already today. Short book and semi good. Nothing to brag about. A big twist at the end though which was kind of interesting.


The weather the past two days has been gorgeous so I hope it stays that way tomorrow as well. I got my rollerblades out yesterday and put Ayden in the jogging stroller that we have and did some rollerblading. It took me a bit to get the hang of it again because I hadn't had them on in over a year, but after a minute or so we were sailing pretty smoothly. The road next to our house is not super busy and it's flat and straight for quite a ways so it makes for good blading... But boy were my legs sore when I got back. Couldn't have worked them too hard though because I wasn't feeling it this morning or at all day for that matter.

It's been a another weekend of chilling at the house, which is fine with us. Saves on gas and spending money at other places. We will probably go to the park tomorrow since we didn't go at all yet this weekend. Something that surprised me this afternoon was Jay offering to play Hi-Ho Cheerio with Ayden. At first Ayden had asked me to play and I was on my computer at that moment and I told him that I would and proceeded to get off. Jay was also on his computer at that time as well and he even said he would play with Ayden and I. I about had a heart attack because I cannot remember the last time he has offered to do something like that because Ayden didn't even ask him if he wanted to play. It was a nice gesture and as a family we played three games, each of a winning on.

Jay also made me some chewy bars today. I was craving them SO BAD! I've had them before we started dating, but not very often. Well, his grandma makes the best chewy bars (along with this super great cake and frosting... you can't be in the Hoerth family, okay so technically I'm not 'in' yet, but I'm thinking 4 1/2 years of dating puts me pretty damn close, so anyways, like I was saying, you can't be in the Hoerth family and not like Grandma Hoerth cake!). So... I had to have chewy bars today and kind of made Jay make them for me and they turned out delicious! Of course I've already dug into them! I could eat the whole pan by myself and probably will eat most of it. Ayden wouldn't try it, even though I know he would like it. Jay likes them just as much as I do.

I think I got a bit of sunburn sitting outside reading this afternoon while Ayden was napping. I decided to sit outside instead of on the couch because it was sunny and warm and I didn't want to fall asleep on the couch reading. I managed to stay awake, but I'm kind of tired now. Ayden has gone back to getting up around 6am again. This morning it wasn't until 6:15am, but still early enough, especially on a weekend. I don't understand why he insists on climbing onto me and waking me up each morning (even though I wake up when I hear his bedroom door open, I think it's got something to do with having 'mom' ears now... you listen for that sort of stuff even in your sleep) but he doesn't climb on Jay even though his side of the bed is closer to the door. Oh well though...

CIAO! LOVE ME!

A Cold?!

Written Wednesday: Jackers... I think I may have woken up from my little nap this afternoon with a cold. Could things not be any worse? I'm hoping it might just be a runny nose caused by the bloody nose I had earlier this afternoon, we'll have to see how I am in the morning. This afternoon Ayden and I went to the Children's Museum, the 'big blue park' and then to the library. We had quite a good time at all of the places. At the park I was lifting him off of something and he bonked his head right onto my nose. Right as it happened I knew I was going to get a bloody nose. Thankfully I had a kleenex in my pocket that I had grabbed from the Children's Museum. It worked, however the blood would not stop coming and thus entailed Ayden and I making a dash for the bathroom so I could stop the blood. He didn't want to go, kept telling me that he didn't have to go potty. Well after I showed him why I needed to go to the bathroom he got all worried about me and when I was done kept asking if my nose was okay. How caring!


Continued today: So I work up yesterday afternoon thinking I might have a cold. I forwent the NightQuil last night because even though I sleep really good with it, I feel pretty dizzy and tired throughout the rest of the next day and I didn't want that today. I thought I would see how it went last night and then if need be dope up tonight. I did sleep pretty well last night, but have a bit of a sore throat and a runny nose this morning. UGH! I hope that it doesn't get too much worse and that Ayden doesn't get it. He has a bit of a runny nose, but nothing cold like yet. Keep your fingers crossed.

Jay and I had another bit of an argument the other day, once again due to that stupid game of his. I was so close to giving him an ultimatum... me or the game. I know he would choose me, but the thing is, I shouldn't have to give any sort of ultimatum, he should just act the way a boyfriend should. Consequent of the arguement, he didn't even turn his computer on last night, but I wasn't going to give in to his apologeticness of no game playing. I wasn't mean to him or anything, but I wasn't exactly all friendly and nice either. It's only going to last for two or three days anyway and he will be back to playing the damn game until 2am again. Is it really that much to ask that he comes to bed with me for like a week... everyday... but then again I shouldn't really have to ask then, should I? He should just want to. And the other thing that really bugs me is when he says that he does 'want' to spend time with me because if he wanted to, then he would. But apparently that want isn't very high in his list because it doesn't happen. I've about given up here... try as I might to not let it bother me, I know that game is slowly ruining Jay and my relationship. Sad as it is. And if it is possible, I hate that game MORE than Jay hates Lee. What I should say is that his game has taken the place of Sarah, only it's actually worse than her because she never took up this much of his time! But enough about that for now.

OMG! My best friend actually was concerned about ME yesterday! Not that she didn't talk about her problems and ex and all that good stuff, but for the first time in I can't remember, she actually changed the conversation and pointed it in my direction. Asked how things were going with me and my issues at the time. I was SO surprised, but it was good to be able to vent for a little while and actually have it seem like she cared and wasn't just waiting for me to take a breath and insert something about how horrible her life is going. It was nice and she actually offered some legitimate advice. Yeah for people taking a step in the right direction!

It's raining icky today and semi storming and Jay has to work in it! Currently he is out working in the rain and has called me twice in 20 minutes to complain about it. I agree, they shouldn't have to work out in the rain, especially since whatever they are doing isn't going to be worth it if the rain is just going to wash it away. I think today they were going to try and plant some new grass. Yeah, like working with mud is everyone's take on extreme fun! Okay... hopefully he doesn't get sick as well! That's all we would need.

I still haven't started a new book. No current ambition, however I was able to get a new code for my GRE study guide and logged into that and it worked! Didn't do much else besides that, but it's a start. They said there was a way that I could get it on my Palm Pilot, but I can't find the site that will let me download what they said I could. I hope I can find it because it would be nice to be able to have some questions on my Palm. There are some sheets that I can print off for a study guide thing, but still.

Night time now and I think Jay is a bit irked with me. Suits him right! Apparently I said something that he didn't like. Well, I didn't like how he got Ayden all worked up and crying again after I just got Ayden calmed down. Ayden was upset about supper and I had sent him in to ask Jay when it would be done and then Jay starts in right away asking Ayden if he was done being crabby and Ayden gets upset again and so I told Jay he didn't have to do that and now he's being crabby. Well, next time think about what you are saying before you say it. There's a better way to be a parent. But there's me again expecting too much probably. I don't know!

Ayden and I will probably go to the Children's Museum again tomorrow. Take up some time. Ayden said he also wants to go for a bike ride so if the weather is nice we will probably do that as well. It finally stopped raining, but like the last couple of days, who knows how long that will last!

Feeling kind of fat lately... :( Know I'm not fat, but just not liking how the body is looking in the mirror. Probably has something to do with all of the junk food that I've been shoving in my yap the past couple of days. It's here and well I just can't seem to stop. So much for the self control, I really have none! And no motivation to work off any of the calories that I am shoving into my body. Gotta love it, right?

CIAO! LOVE ME!

GRE Paranoia!

These gas prices are really starting to bum me out. This weekend is Father's Day (of which I thought was next weekend and really got screwed up on my days). In any case, because the price of gas is so darn high and we have to go home next weekend as well, we will be staying here in Point for Father'say Day. It's honestly fine and all because Jay's parents will be gone to Iowa anyways to visit Jay's very first cousin on his mom's side. His mom finally gets to be an auntie (well to blood relatives anyways). So we wouldn't get to see them anyways. But I miss last year when we could go home every weekend and not really think about it all that hard. Now the $60 that it takes in gas to go home and back is a chunk of change that we really can't afford to waste. However, I think the same could be said for teh $70 that we spent at Walmart this past weekend. I'd say about $35 of that didn't NEED to be spent. And today there is a new computer game coming out that Jay thinks he NEEDS to get. It is going to cost $40 I think. Okay, nothing super expensive, however... we don't really NEED it. Just another reason for him to be on the computer more. But at least both him and Ayden are excited about this game. It goes with the show Deadliest Catch on the Discovery Channel. Good show and it does look like a good game.

Jay talked to his mom last night and found out that we still 'owe' them $2000. And by that... they put $4000 in the bank for Jay in order for Jay to take out his truck loan. Something weird the credit union needed as collateral or whatever you want to call it. Anyways, they put the money up into the account for him/us and he was able to get the loan. In reality when the loan is paid for the money can be withdrawn again, well actually say we pay $100 on the loan, $100 can be taken out of the account. So... we already wrote his parents out a check for $2000 which means if we needed, when we paid $2000 on the loan, we could take out $2000 as our money if we needed it. And we did take out about $1000 last summer. I'm hoping that we can keep at least $2000 in so when we are done paying the loan next summer his parents can just have that money back and we won't have to worry about actually paying them, but I don't know how the money situation is going to be. Right now if NEED be, we could withdraw about $1300, but like I said, I would really prefer not to. I guess we will have to wait and see how things go. It's always a waiting game, is it not?

I'm thinking about dying my hair black again. Can't remember if I've said anything about this before. It's about three different colors now. Black, lighter brown/very dark orangish (if you want to call it that) and then about an inch at the roots of my real color... dark brown. I really liked it black and am getting sick of the three colors so maybe...

Night time now, took a bit of a break there. Jay didn't end up buying that computer game because only the one for XBox 360 came out today. Apparently the one for the computer does not come out until next week. A good thing, save $40 until next week and actually it's going to be his Father's Day present. Can't really afford to get anything else right now. Still have those incoming bills to pay... ugh!

So, I got out my GRE study guide today and thought I should probably start taking a look at it seeing that I am going to be taking it in a little less than two months. Total paranoia has just about set in. This test is not going to be that long, but the questions are nuts! And I have to write two essays to go with it. The one good thing is that Ayden will be gone the week that I have to take it. He is spending it at Grandpa and Grandma Hoerth's house. One less thing to worry about at that time. There is also a code in the back of my book that I can use to access extras online, however my code DOES NOT WORK! I am freaking out here... so I tried the 1-800 number and got patched through to customer service, sat on hold for about five minutes, only to have someone tell me that they were already closed! Couldn't someone have told me that when I called in?! I was a little ticked there, but I guess I will just try tomorrow. Really starting to freak out about this test though because I NEED to do good in order to get into grad school and because I am only applying to one grad school it means all that much more. I know that any 'normal' person would be applying to at least two maybe more grad schools, but the only two grad schools in Wisconsin that have an audiology program are Point and Madison (it's a collaborative program and when I get my Doctorate I will be recieving a diploma from both Point and Madison, pretty cool huh?) and well it would be kind of unfeasible for us to go to Madison right now. Higher living costs and what not and well I really like it here in Point. Wish me luck when I send in my applications in the winter. I can't believe that I will be having to do that already!

Ayden is in bed right now so I have a bit of free time. He's not actually sleeping, which is fine because he never falls asleep right away. He got up early again this morning. Guess we starting on that again, only one day of sleeping in. Lol... I don't mind, it was only a half hour before I was supposed to get up anyways. I took a bit of a nap today, but only because I didn't have a book that I was reading. I think I might be read out for a while because I am not really in the mood to read right now, much less anything else. For the most part our place in clean so there wasn't any cleaning to do this afternoon and I didn't want to sit on the computer or sit watching TV all afternoon so I thought I might take a nap just like Ayden. Should take advantage of it while I can, right? Won't always be able to do that.

When Ayden answers... 'Yes, I'm being good!'

Ayden has begun to play more independently in his room over the past few months. I am totally okay with this because he needs to learn some independence (although sometimes I so wish that he could have a little brother or sister to play with, the day will come). However when he plays in his room by himself, the following results... During the time that he playing alone I will occasionally ask if he being good and of course he always says yes. But by the time that I actually decide to go to his room and check on what he is doing, well needless to say we definitely need to work on picking up our toys before we get any new ones out. Lol!!!

BEFORE!!!

AFTER!!!

(That is after mom and dad spent an hour putting everything back in it's rightfull bin/tub. Also, don't let the pictures decieve you, his closet is literally stacked with labeled bins of toys that way he actually has some room on his floor to play with things!)

It seems like it's been a while since I've actually written anything of depth. I'm pretty sure that is because I'm trying to deny the thoughts that are acutally rolling through my head. I keep thinking that if I don't think about them then things will get better and honestly... I've done some evaluating over the past couple of days and I'm pretty sure I know what I want and it's what I've already got. As if any of that makes any sense to you readers, but it does to me. I'm happy and that is all that matters! Sunshine and warmth... you can come back now! The icky weather for the past couple of days kind of mirrored my moods. I wasn't particularily sour, but because it was so icky out we pretty much stayed cooped up inside all weekend and it got the best of us. Ayden tore apart his room and that lead to the living room and thank goodness I got some ambition to clean it up last night. Once again everything is back in it's rightfull place.

Supper last night was quite the event. Jay made pizza burgers, YUMMY! We hadn't had pizza burgers in such a long time. Ayden kept saying that he liked them, but I didn't quite know if he knew what they were. The time to eat came and Ayden ate his pears nice and good and flat out refused to try the pizza burger. My go to bed early thing back fired on us and he said he didn't want it and that he was tired. Well I wasn't about to let him go to bed early any time he didn't want to try something so Jay and I banded together and said that he had to sit at his table until he had three bites (he's 3). That lead to 45 minutes of crying! Yes, 45 minutes of him refusing to eat his three bites. During this time Jay and and I were cleaning Ayden's room. At one point he screamed out 'I'M SO MAD!' Finally, he calmed down and decided to eat his three bites. More tough loving... but it payed off and maybe the next time he decides he doesn't like something he will think twice about not trying it. This not trying food thing cannot keep up. I can understand not liking something because there are foods that even I don't like, but coming from my mom, you have to at least try it! Lol, passing down what I've learned. And I don't think it's a particularly bad thing either. If I let him get away with this, what next?

We forewent the birthday party this weekend. Bad weather and Ayden saying he didn't want to go kept us home. I kind of wished we would have went, but because of the weather I didn't want to be scrunched in someone's house with a bunch of people who I didn't know. At least if it could have been outside the kids would have had more places to run around. In any case, Ayden said he wanted to stay home and I wasn't going to push him.

He's been asking almost everyday if the Children's Museum is open. It's open Wednesday-Saturday or Sunday I believe, but on Saturday when he asked it was 15 minutes before the place closed. I am sure we will make a few stops there this week. He really enjoys the 'fishing' and 'grocery' part of it. He's getting better and better at the whole pretend thing! It's amazing to hear some of the stories that that kid comes up with!

I finished reading my book today. The ending was kind of stupid, but still caught me off guard. I didn't know that the book was part of a series that the author is writing. Okay maybe not a series, but she uses the same characters in a few other books. Kind of like Patricia Cornwell. I haven't read any of her books in a LONG time, but my mom has and she said that they are still as good as ever!

Not a whole lot going on tonight. John and Kate Plus 8 is on and it is an hour long episode. I suppose that if I can't get my dose of Wentworth Miller (of whom I googled the other day to see some pictures of and instantaneously remembered why I love Prison Break so much... he is drop dead gorgeous!). At some point Prison Break will return, however probably not until the fall. Can I honestly hold out until then? Maybe, maybe not! I suppose I could just watch some of the season one that I have on DVD until that point.

Ayden wanted to use his sidewalk paint today. I didn't think that he would remember that we had it. It's by crayola, but we no longer use it because it does not come off with just rain like the chalk. Sidewalk paint takes hands and knees scrubbing and a hard bristle brush to get it off! And thus for, I will no longer use it because I will not be on my hands and knees scrubbing it off. The last time I had to do that was horrid! I felt bad for telling Ayden that we couldn't use it though.

We found a cocoon outside on our patio. On Saturday Ayden saw a caterpillar and surprised me by telling me that it forms a cocoon and then turns into a butterfly. Well, we saw another caterpillar this morning on our way out the door to the car. Ayden was pretty excited as he thought it was the same caterpillar from Saturday coming to say 'hi' to us again. Well, he was even more excited when we found the cocoon after daycare. He wanted to sit and wait for the butterfly to come out. I tried to explain to him that it might be a few days and that we would continue to check on it to see if the butterfly is ready to come out. He can't wait!

Today I also found a great website with educational games for Ayden to play. It's from pbs.org and has games that go along with all the shows that they have on. We don't watch much of PBS because we have cable, but every now and then we will turn it on. Ayden really likes Dragon Tales, It's A Big Big World, Jakers (although we haven't seen this in a long while), and I found two new shows: Word World and Super Why that seem pretty interesting. Because we are gone for one of them and Ayden is usually napping for the other one I think I might start taping them for Ayden to watch. We'll have to see...

I guess that that is enough for tonight... Jay is on the computer, as usual. I didn't even hear him come into bed last night (again). And it is about time to get Ayden started on the 'bed time routine'. Right now he's a little upset because he has to pick up his toys that he got out. I would like to keep a clean house for just a few days, okay so maybe just like one or two. CIAO! LOVE ME!