Struggling…

I got to sleep in this morning for an extra hour! How sweet was that! And what was even more sweet, me taking an 'attitude day' as my mother would put it and not going to my first class of the day. It's not as if I would have actually learned anything anyways. Besides, every now and then people need a break, and hey, I am going to my second class. That should account for something. Mostly because we actually learn something in that class and I need to be there to get the notes so I can do good on my test. I need to only get 7 wrong at the most on the final test to get an A- in the class. Doesn't sound too bad, right? I don't know though. The first test wasn't overly hard, but I didn't do as well as I would have liked. The second test shouldn't be any harder, but I just don't know. I believe I can do it. I know I can... get straight A's this semester (well including any A-'s that might appear on my transcript, lol) but in my mind they still count as A's.

Doesn’t look like Ayden is struggling much with that bag and his scissors. What kind of mom would allow her son to stand on a kitchen chair and cut a paper bag into little itsy bitsy pieces and then take pictures on top of that? Me, of course!

 

Look at that look of concentration on his face. He was pretty intent on getting the perfect cut. And let me tell you, that bag was pretty demolished by the time that he decided he was done making his masterpiece.

Our afternoon was rather lax. Ayden and I did some truck puzzles. He was all for me helping him do the puzzles, but then when I did try to sit down and help him he only let me put in like three of the 24 pieces. He has done those puzzles so many times that he knew where every piece went without even having to think about it. It was fun watching him though. He also played a lot with his legos tonight. Every few days he gets some really good ideas and builds the most amazing things with his legos.

Tonight was also bath night. Ayden took a bath while I folded some laundry and put my jewelry box in order. It really needed it. I also changed my earrings because the ones I had in were cheap ones I had originally gotten for my cousin’s wedding because I didn’t have any gold ones that would match the dress. However, the ones that I have in now are not any more expensive, just different I guess.

The movie The Lake House is on TV right now. I really like this movie, but I am not really watching it. More like listening while I blog. Definitely addicted… both to lurking and to writing. I love seeing what everyone else is up to… isn’t that what blog lurking is all about? And I enjoy the relaxation that the writing brings me. The outlet it provides… and even the occasional comment. And definitely the Not Me Monday idea from MckMama. And it’s crazy just how many others enjoy that as well. When I first started blogging I had no idea I would get this addicted or that it was such a big thing. Ha, I go from one addiction to another. In high school it was Yahoo Messenger, MSN Messenger, and even ICQ… then it was nothing for a little while until I got sucked into the whole Facebook thing. Still kind of an active Facebooker (yes, I can say that), but definitely an addicted blogger. An addicted blogger who loves to change her layout WAY too much! Just trying to be creative I guess.

So, anyways, I’ve been struggling lately with the direction that my current relationship with Jay is taking me. We’ve been together for five years now. The other night Jay and I had an argument/discussion and he told me that he thought we were more just parents than a couple. I really couldn’t disagree though. At times it does seem like we kind of cohabitate together and parent Ayden together, but are not the couple we used to be. Obviously after any extended length of time in a relationship I think you get comfortable with each other that some of that new romance ‘lust’ dwindles away, but the spark shouldn’t. I feel sometimes like the spark has.

As I sit here writing this, I am contemplating just deleting it… should I really be pouring my heart out like this to the world for anyone to see. Shouldn’t this be something I should discuss with Jay first?! Maybe, probably, I don’t know. Sometimes I feel like Jay and I were kind of put together because of Ayden. Like we didn’t get the opportunity to date around, if that is what you want to call it, to find 'the one’. Of course that is not to say that people cannot find their ‘one’ at a younger age, etc… or that everyone has to date around to find that one. But I sometimes wonder if maybe I missed out on something. It’s not that I don’t love Jay or cannot see a future with him. I can imagine it all…

I guess I don’t really know what I’m talking about. I keep hoping that I can see the right path and know what should happen. My head is all a mess… okay, enough of that. Can’t think about it anymore right now…

On a brighter note, tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I am thankful for all of the family and friends that are in my life and every moment of every day because even if every moment of every day isn’t exactly perfect or how I would like it, at least I got to experience that moment. Thankful for every breath, every feeling, just everything… what are you thankful for?

I was able to see all of my friends today from school and wish them a good weekend. Normally I wouldn’t see any of them on a Wednesday, but seeing them put a smile on my face. It has been one of those kind of weeks I think. Good thing it will be a busy day tomorrow and maybe Friday if I decide to go shopping. Not that I need to spend any money, lol. We have to pack everything yet in the morning though because I was too lazy to do any of it tonight. Shouldn’t be too bad though, just us three. I’m thinking we need to be gone by 11:30am for sure to get to Rapids on time. Spending a couple of hours there and be gone from there about 3pm for sure because we need to come back to Point to get the boat and my car and then drive to the other Thanksgiving which would put us there right around 5pm, a little after I am thinking. Depends on how much fun we are having in Rapids and how cranky Ayden is getting. Most likely he will sleep on the love drive to Chilton, a nap at the time would probably be good because it will most likely be a long night. But fun though!

CIAO! LOVE ME!