Need to Unwind...

Feeling very overwhelmed again today, I wish this feeling would go away. I wish that I could come home at the end of my school day and just relax and enjoy being with Ayden and Jay (when he gets home) but instead I have to worry about getting lesson plans and therapy reports and shit upon shit to get done. Stuff that I have no idea what I am supposed to be doing with and things that I just don't want to consume my mind with. This week was supposed to be relaxing and enjoyable. No tests or papers due, nothing serious to worry about, ugh! I'm being very whiny and pessimisstic again today, sorry for that my blogger buddies. Maybe you will want to stop reading for fear of me bringing you down with you or sounding too annoying, I wouldn't blame you. Everyone is entitled to have a bad day, but this looks like it's going to be a bad week. Probably only if I let it though, right?

Work is going good, at least I have that going for me, but it does take up all that extra free time I have during school. Not that they care if I miss a bit here and there, but I hate doing that to them. I'm feeling very down about this whole clinic thing right now. I wouldn't have been put alone as a clinician if someone didn't think that I could do it, but I feel like I am just not getting it down yet. I'm not taking the kind of data that I would like and the stuff that I do take I'm not sure what to do with and I don't have the time to go talk to my supervisor about it and then when I do she is expecting me to answer my own questions. Okay, all for trying to get us to learn by ourselves, but I'm needing some guidance here. Some major guidance! It's pretty bad when I'm hoping my client doesn't show up because I don't want to have to worry about the extra work that goes along with it. This IS NOT what I am going into for school. This IS NOT what I want to be doing with my career so why do I have to do it as an undergrad? At least it is just this semester and next semester and cross your fingers that next semester I will somehow end up with a partner!

I went to bed too late last night because I watched my shows for the week and thus am tired tonight. Jay has been occupying Ayden for the most part which I've very much appreciated. I feel that I'm always trying to get some homework done and pushing Ayden away. Of course I know that that isn't the case, but at least these past two days it feels that way. I'm uber jealous of Jay for not having as much work as me. He never has as much work as I do. I can only hope that he's getting good grades in his classes because otherwise I don't know what is going to happen with him and school.

And then there is this whole situation with this friend of mine. We had a short phone conversation today and I pretty much told him that I think it might be better off if we just cut all ties with each other and moved on with our lives seperately. As much as I would hate to do that, we are just at such a cross roads right now that niether of us know what to do and are both confused as can be! I almost started crying talking to him about it, but at this point I no longer know what to do. Of course it probably won't come to that... I don't know if either of us could honestly handle it, but argh! Everything is just so f'd up right now!!! (I did say I would be whiny in this post, did I not?- small attempt at adding humor tonight)

I'm tired and I think I'm going to go to bed soon, tomorrow is a new day... hopefully a better one!

CIAO! LOVE ME!