Lacking All Ambition!

Jack- I still have one test tomorrow, but after my psych test today my brain is literally fried! I haven't picked up my audiology study material yet and I doubt that I will tomorrow. I am meeting up with my ComD girlies in the morning for a while before the test so that should be enough to get me knowledgeable about the material. What do you think? I know I should be more motivated, but I am to the point where I just don't care. I really just want it DONE! So, at around 11:15am tomorrow, I'm hoping my exam doesn't take me more than an hour to complete, I should be free and clear of any school associated things for a while. Oh that reminds me, I still need to go and register for the GRE. Another thing that I've been trying to push out of my head for a while, yet somehow it keep creeping back in.

I finished my book this afternoon. It ended okay and overall was a fairly decent book. Not something I would normally read, but I enjoyed it overall. I have another one by the same author, but I found out that the books kind of go in a order and so I read the first one and the next one that I have is the last one. I am sure that I could read it and not get lost, but I usually like to read things in order. Kind of quirky like that, I know.

Jay is working late tonight. Kind of a bummer, but it's more money and Ayden and I had a pretty good afternoon. We were outside drawing with the sidewalk chalk and practicing more letters. It's funny because he doesn't know what some letters are yet, but after I tell him the letter name he can tell me what dinosaur it goes with. Like, he didn't know 'I' but when I told him it was the letter 'I' he was like 'Yeah, I is for Igaunadon.' Him and those dinosaurs. I'm thinking we are going to have a dinosaur themed birthday party for his this year. We are still watching the Jurasic Park movies, however not as often as we used to which is a good thing because I was getting pretty sick of them. Ayden and I also colored some pictures today and he surprised me. I was coloring something and he looked at it and said 'Mom, that is marvelous' Of course it wasn't articulated perfectly, but I didn't even know that he knew that word. It was precious. He can be such a little snot sometimes, but it's when he says something like that that I know I'm doing a good job raising him.

We had mac n cheese and hotdogs for supper and it just so happens that that was the same thing that Ayden had for lunch. I knew that he had had that before I made it, but when I asked him what he wanted, that's what he said. I didn't mind because it was an easy supper and we all know how much I love to cook. We definitely need to go grocery shopping, but I've been putting it off this week in favor of staying home and studying and I really don't like grocery shopping in the first place. It kind of goes hand in hand with cooking... neither are on my list of favorites.

So last night, as I posted earlier, our internet wasn't working so thus Jay could not play his game. Sucks to be him, right?! Anyways, we lay down in bed together to watch some tv and he gets a call around 9:00pm from Charter saying that the internet is back up and running. Well I thought he would just stay in bed with me and we would fall asleep together, first time in like forever, however that did not happen. He stayed in bed with me until 10pm, but not because we were watching TV. In any case, he then says that he is going to go on his computer and 'study' because his study guide was in his email and obviously he couldn't get to it before. I didn't care because studying is a good thing, but what I did mind was that his phone was sitting next to our bed and he took it out with him to the computer to study. Honestly, did he really need his phone to study?! I don't think so. And if you ask me, I think his studying probably lasted a whole 10 minutes, if that! We all know that he just wanted to play that damn game, which I don't care, but don't tell me you are going to study when you really aren't. I guess I can't say for sure how long he studied because I didn't physically come check, but I do know that he didn't come to bed until 12:30am and that he most definitely didn't study for 2 1/2 hours. Nor has he offered up the fact that he's been calling Miss Sam (yes, he's been calling her, not the other way around). I hate making it sound like his talking to her is a bad thing, but I keep remembering what we talked about last week and how he said he was going to make all this effort to include me and talk to me and that went over so well for what, like a day! I am waiting to see if he says anything, but at the same time, little does he know that soon he will be getting a taste of his own medicine and then we will see how he likes it. I don't mean to sound malicious (sp?), but I think what I am planning is really the only way to get through to him. Don't worry, it's nothing that bad.

Side note quick, Ayden is playing with his lincoln logs right now and he just held up to in the shape of a 'V' and he told me that he made that letter. And then he added one to make a 'Y'! Those were two letters that we were working on outside with the chalk! He is such a smart little guy! :)

So back to my annoyances with Jay. Once again, we had a lazy dad in the morning and this morning I kind of took it out on him. Ayden got up early, like when I got in the shower early, which normally never happens. So I told him to go in by dad and lay on the bed and dad would turn on some cartoons for him. After I got done getting ready I just sat and watched some news before I had to leave for my early test, but in the meantime Jay's way of getting Ayden up and dressed was to pause the TV (we have DVR and can pause, rewind, all that good stuff to live tv) and tell Ayden to go get dressed. Fine with me because otherwise the kid refuses to stop watching and it's something that we've done before. But when Ayden starts getting whiny about it, Jay's response is to say that he will turn it off for good unless Ayden goes and gets dressed. So Ayden goes into his room and his whining has turned into crying, and not whining crying, but like upset crying. And what does Jay do, yells at Ayden to get dressed. Finally I had enough of it, told Jay he was being an ass and went in to try and calm Ayden down and help get him dressed. I told Jay he was just being lazy and yelling at the kid and that I'd had enough of it. I got Ayden his chocolate milk and vitamins and left for my test without even saying goodbye to Jay. Honestly, the guy is really irking me! Good news is, he wasn't mad at me when I called him later in the day to ask him something and still not mad at me when we talked later. Lately it seems that I am more upset with him than in love with him... and I'm pretty sure that is not the way things are supposed to be. What do you think?!

Part of me is dreading the summer because it will be so nice out and thus we can spend more time outside, but the we is usually just me and Ayden. I practically had to drag Jay out of the house the other weekend to go biking with us. He never wants to do family things together when I suggest them and he NEVER suggests doing anything as a family either. Just once I would like him to say, come on lets go for a walk or lets play a game together (something that Ayden can play as well). It's like pulling teeth and my numerous attempts at letting him know how I feel go unresponed to. Sometimes I feel like Jay is more of a father than a dad and by that I mean, he father's Ayden, but doesn't interact with him. At least not as much as I would like him to.

Okay, I feel like I've done enough complaining, getting sick of it yet?!... LOVE ME